Posted by bob on February 17, 2000, at 17:31:46
In reply to Vesper--Go to the hospital, posted by Abby on February 17, 2000, at 13:41:37
Another big vote on that. There's a big difference between being with professionals versus academics, and UCLA's psych department is certainly big enough to be pretty out of touch with what patients, as opposed to subjects, need.
I know about the cutting and how good it feels. I do my cutting from the inside, but it has the same effect -- drawing your attention to feeling control over your pain. There are other ways of exercising control over your pain, tho, and I agree again with the folks who say get yourself to the hospital now.
I also know about patronizing psychologists at "Enormous U". Mine was Michigan -- I think UCLA is the only psych department in the country (or the world) bigger than UM's. When I was a junior there, I tried to get help by going through the proper channels. Forget that I was suicidal--not one campus agency thought I was sick enough to stay in their program for more than 6 visits or so. I was so sick and angry at those bastards for what they did to me that it took me twelve years and daily panic attacks to get myself back into treatment. From where I sit today, I am even sicker and angrier at them for losing twelve years of my life when I could have been in treatment instead of in my own miserable (s)hell.
Who knows? If I had addressed issues back then, I might not have needed twelve years of treatment either.
Having been back at UM for my grad work and having had friends admit themselves to the hospital there really colors my view on this, but the fact remains that what happened to me could be construed as malpractice by several different *agencies* while my friends received immediate treatment that took their problems seriously.
If your current psych contacts with UCLA see you as a subject and not a patient, fuck them. You're more than a statistic, you deserve to be treated as a human being.
Just remember that admitting yourself to the hospital is another way of exercising control over your pain -- only people in control can voluntarily surrender it. Go to the hospital now.
... and for how many stories you need to fall, it really doesn't matter -- if you succeed, the fall never ends, does it?
hang in there
bob
poster:bob
thread:21971
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000209/msgs/22112.html