Posted by CarolAnn on January 31, 2000, at 9:31:35
In reply to Depression and procreation..., posted by Adam on January 31, 2000, at 0:33:03
Adam, there's not much I can claim to be expert on, but this subject comes as close as any other in my experience.
Both sides of my family have major depression, but I am the only one who ever actually got help(they are all in denial, self-medicating with alcolhol, drugs, and food). For a long time I struggled with my intense desire to have children and the knowledge of what their genetic background could doom them too. What you must remember though, is that it is not *just* genetics that cause one to suffer depression. Usually, it is a combination of being pre-disposed to depression and then being raised in the type of dysfunctional family that would foster depression.
I have a 21 month old daughter now, and because I have been through years of therapy, done tons of research, and endless hours of soul searching, I feel confidante that if she is going to suffer for her genetics, her depression will not have been made worse by her upbringing. I have experienced very extreme depressive episodes(especially post-partum)since her birth and yet, because of all I have made myself learn prior to her birth, I have been able to suffer my depression without letting it affect her. Even when I feel like crap, I am loving and attentive to my baby. When I was post-partum, and felt as if I wished I never had her, I constantly held her, spoke in a loving voice, sang to her, gave her everything that I *knew* she needed emotionally, as well as physically.
Actually, if you think about it, people like you and I make even better parents then some others who have never suffered. We are more self-aware, and certainly more aware of all the things that were lacking in our own childhoods, so we are better equipped to make stronger efforts to give our children all the emotional support they need. The bottom line is, if you are going to have a child, do as much learning about everything related to child rearing as you can. Don't think that you ever reach a point of "knowing it all", no one ever really does. People think that "love is all you need", but that's not so.
Anyone can be a good parent, even those suffering the handicap of depression. It's all a matter of learning how to put the child's needs ahead of your problems. There are a lot of parents whose heads are buried in the sand, whose children need help for a variety of "mental health" issues. These are bad parents, and theirs are the kids who will suffer as adults. We, at least, are aware of potential problems, our kids will get the help they need, as soon as they need it. So, really they are better off then the children of so called "healthy" parents.
I could go on much longer, but you get the idea. I do feel very qualified giving advise on the subject of child rearing. Before I had my own child, I spent 10 years working in the childcare field, in a variety of positions. I did daycare centers, and spent many years as a sort of roving nanny, taking care of probably hundreds of children of all ages. And I also spent many years as a full-time live in Nanny, actually raising the children eleven hours a day. Anyway, Adam, I do have a lot more that I would like to tell you, but don't want this to get any longer. If you have specific questions, I would love to give any help I can.CarolAnn
poster:CarolAnn
thread:20155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20179.html