Posted by allisonm on February 10, 2005, at 12:24:17
I'm not asking for help or answers. I think I just need to ramble. Feeling sorry for myself. Feel like crap. Like a slug. I have a seasonal job, so I don't have a lot to do right now and cannot get motivated to do anything anyway. I was looking forward to this solitude all summer and fall. I should be loving this time off. It's cold out. The weather stinks. My boyfriend is crazy. Really. I don't seem to be able to communicate with him. It's like he's autistic or something. I'm just depressed. And lonely. My cats are my best friends. I have holed up inside my house for a few days now and have only gone outside to get the mail. Valentine's Day is looming. I'm not anyone's Valentine. My dad is trying to figure out his estate planning and is sucking me into the vortex. He has skin cancer but might not go to the surgeon to have it removed, which is making me feel wild inside. His birthday is Tuesday. He will be 77. I was hoping my 5-year-old half sister might be able to do something with me on that, but her mother, who is my age, and I hate each other so I don't see that happening. She is pushing my dad to hand over some of his assets so that my half-sister will be supported after he dies. I am not the only one who thinks that she got pregnant to get my dad's money. My dad wants me to be involved in my sister's support after he's gone, which I don't mind b/c I am really fond of her. But I hate the idea of having to deal with her mother. I called my best friend last night. She was busy with her kids and said she'd call me back this morning to talk some more, but she didn't. She never does. My dad wants me to go to Florida with him. I don't want to be his boredom reducer. He just wants company when he goes to the flea market. I hate the flea market after the second visit or so. Yesterday I stayed in my pajamas till about 4 p.m. I cancelled my appointment with my pdoc this tuesday because I had jury duty, but when I found out about my dad's skin cancer I deferred jury duty b/c I thought I was going to have to take him to the surgeon, but the earliest appointment is in mid-March. So I tried to get my pdoc appt. back, but he'd already given it away, so my next appt. is March 1. I guess the problem is that I don't have anyone to talk to besides my pdoc, who I can't see till march unless he has a cancellation; my best friend, who is too busy to call me back; and my crazy boyfriend who is not interested in what is going on with me...only interested with processing what is going on with himself. I hate this world. I hate this world.
poster:allisonm
thread:455863
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20041213/msgs/455863.html