Posted by Racer on May 10, 2004, at 16:37:09
In reply to Re: Preparing... » SLS, posted by judy1 on May 10, 2004, at 15:57:41
Dear Scott,
I won't try to say that I know how you feel, but I think from what you've said that you're feeling something akin to what I'm feeling. In a way, it's made me want to be close to you, because it is a bond between us -- from my standpoint, when I'm not so blindly selfish from the depression. I get so wrapped up in my own misery, that I just ask for support and forget to offer anything in return. I'm sorry for that, because knowing that you're there and will offer up what you got if I need it means so much to me, and I wish I could say that I do the same for you -- but, in fact, I don't. Doesn't mean I don't think of you, with a great deal of respect and affection, just means I can't always express it directly.
You've always impressed me as being informed, intelligent, straightforward, and generous. Those are all traits I particularly admire. I suspect that they also go hand in hand with depressive tendencies and stress, but that's another story. I think, from reading what you write, that you're what I call a Polygon. You're not a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, and you're not a round peg, either. You have too many facets to fit into any preformed space, you need a space of your own, custom fit to your needs. I don't mean that in terms of a therapeutic space -- I mean that in terms of a life space. (I have a friend with a short memory who claims to have left a promising career in the sciences to struggle along with a non-profit. In truth, he's another Polygon, and he wasn't satisfied, nor winning brownie points, in his scientific life. He left because he found a way to build his many-faceted life-space. Guess what? Took a while, got him in trouble with most people around him, but he's successful, happy, productive -- everything, in short, that we want to be, right? I hold him up in front of my mental eye to remind me that it is possible. If you want to hold him up, too, he's blond, middling height, thinning hair, beard, a little plump -- and the handsomest man I know besides you and Phil and Greg and my husband. Especially when he smiles.) I guess what I'm saying is that you're not failing. You aren't miserable because you're too little -- you aren't succeeding because you're too MUCH. You have so much more than most people, and yes -- that is a burden, because it does cause problems, and it does make us feel as if we should have enough to get over this. No bootstrapping. Sure, we have a lot to fall back on, because we have so much, but if we're bitten by a shark, we still need a doctor, right? Same thing with depression.
I wish to god there was something I could say to you, Scott, that would help in any meaningful way. You surely know much more about medications than I do, so I can't help with any suggestions, and I don't think that would really offer what you need right now, anyway. All I can say is that you make my world better, and I'm grateful to you for it. If you can point me in the right direction, I'll offer all I've got to you. If that helps.
Much affection,
Racer
poster:Racer
thread:345369
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/345488.html