Posted by Racer on February 25, 2004, at 16:26:25
Man, you guys would not believe what an overwhelming couple of days it's been. Being me, I can either whine helplessly, or give what seems to be to be wonderfully insightful advice to everyone else, but I can't seem to communicate in that middle ground. This post is an experiment in expressing myself between the two extremes. Please critique as you will, and excuse any errors by remembering my lack of practice.
Lately I've had a lot of turmoil in my life, as well as in my treatment. It's part of my disorder that I always blame myself for everything (really sorry about the GWB getting into office part, everyone), and think that I have to do everything for myself. Then, because that's so overwhelming, I berate myself for "malingering" and not being able to do it all, while being overwhelmed by the impossible standards I feel as if I have to live up to. So, we're on the same page now, right? You're still with me?
Monday and Tuesday I did good things, which I want to share with the people who have provided such good support to me for so long. Monday, after leaving multiple messages for the pdoc with no response, I wrote him a letter and mailed it. Short, to the point, just "this med change didn't work, here's what I'm doing for now -- until I hear from you and we can make a longer term fix. By the way, since I've left multiple messages, how are *you* going to address the problem of communication?" Pat myself on the head, especially since it was all quite polite.
Yesterday, five days after my first call for help, the person who's supposed to be my main point-of-contact with this agency finally returned my call. Her CYA attitude sent me over the edge. I almost asked my husband to call and ask for a change in POC person for me, came this close, but I didn't have to. He offered to make the call for me. Great guy, worth all the trouble I went to in marrying him. Worth it doubled. Today, when the guy returned his call, I felt well enough -- because I'd been able to accept my husband's offer, and experience the support behind it -- to take the call. (Hubby was out at the time.) I told this man that my calls weren't returned, that when they were returned it was even worse, and that I needed a new case manager. I also asked for and got direct reassurance from him. I asked him if it seemed reasonable to him to be dissatisfied by the pattern of these experiences, and he said yes. He also said that he tries to train his people that returning calls is the number one priority. I said that I was reassured enough by his listening and taking me seriously that it was quite all right for it to take a couple of weeks to make it all happen, he said he'd make sure it was done within a week.
There. How'd I do for a first time out? Telling you something I've done that was hard for me, but that I managed to do, without either whining or pounding you over the head with it? Do I get a lollipop?
poster:Racer
thread:317622
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/317622.html