Posted by Racer on January 13, 2004, at 1:12:20
In reply to Clarification? » Racer, posted by shar on January 12, 2004, at 22:34:48
Other members of my family don't know about how sick I was, or that I was hospitalized. Their comments are about my general failure in life, not anything specific. You know the sort of thing, "Just get a job, any job, and don't screw up enough to get fired this time!" That sort of thing. Mind you, none of them really know much about what I've done well in my life, and I have acheived things that I'm proud of, but their disdain and disapproval is so deeply ingrained into me, that I find myself internalizing their criticism. As I said, I'm harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.
As for the abuse/neglect part, that sort of thing wasn't really that bad, really. I certainly got better care at summer camp than I would have at home, and was happy to be there. Of course, now that I'm grown up, I wonder that they'd keep me there! It was just another of my mother's ways of expressing her own pathology, since if I got sick, it would reflect on her ability as a parent. In other words, I'm just another crazy member of my crazy family. Sure makes for great holidays, I guess...
poster:Racer
thread:299879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/300061.html