Posted by shar on October 11, 2003, at 11:45:56
I'm just wondering (for those of you who have experienced not being able to pay bills) how one handles it. Like getting a "pay or lose electricity" notice, or "your insurance pmt is overdue 2 months" notice. Luckily I haven't started getting calls from bill collectors yet. Those totally freak me out (that happened in 1988 when I was a grad student/single mom working 3 part time jobs, and in school full time--I went to the helpful folks at Consumer Credit Counseling, and they said drop out of school).
Everytime I check the mail, I get more anxious. I was raised on the "your credit rating is more important than anything else" philosophy. I just get more suicidal ideation (not to worry, will not attempt) I think because I feel so trapped. I feel awful for not paying, a loser, I have one credit card left and feel so embarrassed putting groceries on credit. I feel a ton of shame.
But the fact is, my part time job does not pay the bills; hardly even groceries.
Everbody needs doctor and/or vet visits. I am SO anxious about it all. What to do, don't see where additional money will come from, feels so fatalistic.
I just wanna be out of here. My job interviews (when I get one) suck royally, it's hard for a depressed gray-haired 51 year old to compete with a bouncy 29 year old who actually has energy. I cashed in my retirement a while back, and it's now gone. I don't even know if I have enough energy to work 8 hours a day. I know I can't do retail standing on my feet that long every day, tried that, can't even do that parttime, but retail (the only one's that hired me) seems like my only option (that I can't take). Rock and a hard place.
Life just totally sucks so much with this hanging over me. I don't know what to do. And, it gets worse.
Enough of that. So, does anybody know a gracious way to handle those collector's phone calls that will start coming any day now? Or, a good joke? Or will pray for a positive solution to come my way?
Shar
poster:shar
thread:268341
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/268341.html