Posted by Racer on July 20, 2003, at 12:13:54
In reply to STDs and public health » Racer, posted by abby on July 20, 2003, at 9:52:15
Actually, I'd much rather be the one to pass that information on. I guess to me it's a way of saying, "I know you think I'm totally evil, but here's a difficult thing I did for your benefit." Does that make sense? There's probably some subconscious stuff going on, too, like a desire to hurt her back, but the conscious part is penance. Having the public health authorities contact her would be even more horrifying than having to do it myself, anyway, since I'm sure she'd take it as a sign that I'm such a slut they held me down on the table to take swabs. (Hey, you didn't read those emails. I did.)
Right now, I'm falling back into despair again. I don't know what's happening, why it's getting so much worse when it was getting better for a while. Two other things happened that I can think of, though. One is business related: a former client is starting to slam me. The other is the breast lump. The slamming is not unexpected, but it's public.
Oh, yeah, and there's another thing that might mean nothing nothing, or might mean that not everyone here is as kind as some are. Someone referenced the phrase "psycho babbler" on another bulletin board, relating to something someone else had said, but in a way that makes me think this 'anonymous identity' and that one have been identified with me in real life. If so, and if it's made public, I am out of business entirely in this area. Just like high school. I guess that's a danger in posting anything anywhere, but it is feeling as if I'm even more helpless than ever, with far fewer resources for support.
I'm going back to hide inside a book again.
poster:Racer
thread:243349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/243676.html