Posted by harry b. on December 29, 2002, at 21:47:47
Hi Folks,
Maybe some of you remember me.
I have not been here for a year or so.
Anyway, I made a big lifestyle change.
Got rid of the house, bought a boat and have
been living on it for 1.5 yrs.Have been taking Parnate (80mg/day) & K (3mg/day)
for almost 2 yrs now. I qualified for SS disability
Now my income is about 1/4 what it used to be.I had been getting by but recently I've plummeted.
I've been hiding in my boat, crying, and
feeling so pathetic. I had no where to go or
anyone to be with over Xmas. I got _one_ Xmas card.Now I've become suicidal. Oh, the suicidal thoughts
never went away completely, but now they occupy
a great part of my waking hours.I don't know if I can go through checking into
a hospital again. I mean, is this to be the pattern
of my life? If so, then maybe it just is not
worth it.The living space of my boat has deteriorated to
a replica of how my house used to look. I just can't
seem to get it cleaned or organized no matter how many
times I've vowed to do it. When I first moved onto
my boat in the marina I kept it clean and actually
had people come over to visit. Now it is a disorganized
mess & I've become a hermit again.Feeling so lonely & alone. Feel utterly worthless.
I should be used to these feelings but they hurt
with an unbearable intensity.I don't know if I'll stick around here (PB) or not.
I just felt the need to communicate tonight to others
who know what I'm going through.Thanks for reading-
Harry B.
poster:harry b.
thread:873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20020724/msgs/873.html