Posted by Dee on December 27, 1999, at 10:02:19
In reply to Re: What to add??, posted by Dee on December 23, 1999, at 22:56:36
> for now this (Serzone 450 and busbar 30) Seems to be working. although I have some ups and downs... Actually no Ups, rather oscillating between manageable and under control. On some level I am glad for not being sedated, and when shit happens I am still able to feel (what I assume is) 'normal' depressed. Some spontaneous attacks of depression and anxiety, but these are pretty subtle, at least compared to what I've had before.
> If it stays like this, of gets better, I say this is as good as I ever dared anticipate.
> DeeWell, I am afraid I'll have to take back some of what I said above. Yes, I am able to get up in the morning, leave my house, even be social - I guess I was in a pink cloud just for the fact that the intense wanting-to-die depression (Thank you Jane for that expression) was easing.
But I have to face that I am participating with little interest in what I am doing. I get up in the morining not because I am motivated to participate in my life, but because it is eight a clock. I am not on SSRIs and I could have sex, but I don't feel I want to. A working day differs little from a day off, they are all just gray days that wander by with drooping heads - joyless, eventless, dull days..
Well, it is a process, and I am greatful that I am not where I was half a year ago. For a moment I was tempted to think I was cured, but it seems like this's benn jus half the journey.Dee
poster:Dee
thread:16823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991212/msgs/17577.html