Posted by Carol on March 31, 1999, at 16:15:48
In reply to Re: implicit suicide threats - q for Dr. Bob, posted by sam (SamAnon) on March 28, 1999, at 8:07:28
> Elizabeth,
> Unfortunately suicidal thoughts are a part of my life, but I haven't acted on them in many, many years. The last post of mine was in response to what I thought *was* a rather flippant response. I confess to having been angry at the time I wrote the post (anger unrelated to anyone's responses), and I apologize for my remarks/questions about the bullets. Sometimes the only way I can survive another day in this life is to do something weird like post a reply to a web site. What more can I say? I am at the bottom, trying to figure out how to climb back out.Sam,
Some of the thoughts about suicide never go away. I find that if I'm having a hard day or week, all of a sudden I'll be doing something else and a random "thought" seems to pop into my head, and it is something like--why do I bother, I should just kill myself-- I'm able to quickly tell myself that this is not reasonable, and I move on to other things. I continue to pay attention to my self-talk. I have found that if I allow my thoughts to go unchallenged, that I can slide back into one of my depressed states. The suicidal snippets are just another type of self talk I need to stop and replace with some other line of thought. This works for me most of the time--but it is an effort some days. When I'm at the bottom looking up, there are many things which feel more logical from there.
At least you know that there is an "up" to go to, and just having this understanding is an improvement over some of the emotional places I've been.also--sometimes if you don't know what to say, say less rather than more
Carol
poster:Carol
thread:3910
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/4226.html