![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 6, 2015, at 15:46:36
i have this tendency to not want to ask anyone for help.
simply and politely ask for help. Doctors, Psychologists, Family members, friends.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2015, at 17:33:05
In reply to Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by Lamdage22 on October 6, 2015, at 15:46:36
When you do ask for help...
Do they try and help you?
Does their trying to help you... Help you?
Posted by baseball55 on October 6, 2015, at 21:15:06
In reply to Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by Lamdage22 on October 6, 2015, at 15:46:36
I have been trying over the last several years to get better at this. Seeing a therapist helps with this. I used to never ask for help and now I try to reach out to people. It's an important skill and also makes people, whom you've asked for help from, like and care about you more.
> i have this tendency to not want to ask anyone for help.>
> simply and politely ask for help. Doctors, Psychologists, Family members, friends.
>
>
>
>
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 7, 2015, at 9:41:53
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2015, at 17:33:05
> When you do ask for help...
>
> Do they try and help you?
>
Yes> Does their trying to help you... Help you?
Yes absolutely, the trying helps.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 7, 2015, at 9:42:59
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by Lamdage22 on October 7, 2015, at 9:41:53
Trying helps to feel less lonely.
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2015, at 22:10:16
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2015, at 17:33:05
> Does their trying to help you... Help you?:)
A good point.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2015, at 22:38:22
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary? » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on October 8, 2015, at 22:10:16
Sometimes the fact that they are trying is helpful. To know that someone cares.
But other times not.
I guess it depends on what one needs.
We like to hire a lot of incompetent people. Some of them are lovely. They try... But they aren't so helpful. Sort of shames you that they aren't, though. Or sometimes they aren't so lovely. Either way, it keeps costs down an awful lot to hire 'helpful' people who train you not to ask for help.
I guess I was wondering whether that was the issue here, or whether it was something else.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on October 13, 2015, at 21:06:48
In reply to Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by Lamdage22 on October 6, 2015, at 15:46:36
i used to do it all the time, but i learned in my case i was asking for it too much, and i got on people's nerves and they started avoiding me because i would ask for advice even after they gave it.......
but i think it's how you ask, and if maybe that person your asking for help you agree with them and maybe take to heart their advice, and get a biorytham between them so understanding is more easy
i post my frustration and mainly don't expect reponses anymore, that feeling that your the only person on the planet that is going through it, i get that alot, scared and feeling the only person on the planet syndrome
i think maybe someone who your trust, and is easy for them to understand the problem and what to do, i used to ask help all the time, and realized it was getting on people's nerves, and i had to figure out my own problems on my own, but that was my case, you can find people you trust and who will support you back, just make a good solid friendship
Posted by baseball55 on October 14, 2015, at 19:49:48
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by rjlockhart37 on October 13, 2015, at 21:06:48
It depends also on what kind of help you are asking for. I have found that when I ask -can you drive me to ECT and back -- no problem. When I just call and say I am falling apart, I want to kill myself, the response is - do you want me to drive you to the ER. Asking for help for severe mental illness (help me, I am falling apart) can confuse people. They want to help, but don't know how and are likely to ask if you can call a doctor, go to a hospital, etc.
Asking for specific things - can you drive me somewhere, meet me for lunch, feed my cats - makes people happy to help.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 21:36:27
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by baseball55 on October 14, 2015, at 19:49:48
Yes. I guess people are often happy to help if what helps is something that is within their capability.
If it isn't... Then they tend to... Feel frustrated, I guess. Powerless. Whatever. Doesn't tend to bring out the best in them, typically.
Some of what I need/ed was to feel heard by people who understood me. But people were typically too busy telling me they understood me perfectly to listen. And most people weren't really capable of understanding -- because we were too different.
The puppy vs cat person kind of a thing. The puppy people simply don't understand. They can say they do: But they don't, really. Then they are busy trying to get me to do things that make them feel better etc when basically most of my problems were due to my not being allowed / able to do the things that make me feel better (where what makes them feel better is not what makes me feel better).
E.g., what I need to do is to get some menial job to feel useful. What I need is to be surrounded by people all the time. What I need is to look after those people who I'm surrounded by so I feel useful. What I need is to get out of my head. What I need is to stop thinking. What I need is to put myself aside completely and focus myself on looking after the endless succession of people who only care about momentary connection with others constantly all the time always immediately responsive to their cries of absolute intolerance of being all by themselves for .2 of a second.
Ugh.
What I need... Is a bloody big fence.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 21:41:07
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary? » baseball55, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 21:36:27
What I'd like... Is for there to be a peaceful outdoors... Where people can simply let you do your thing... Reading or thinking or whatever... Without bounding up to you and MAKING you say 'hello'.
For people to go 'oh, that person is reading or thinking or whatever' and for them to let you do that. To just let you do that. Instead of the person getting all panicked that you are alone and freaking out and bounding up to assure themselves that nobody is alone for .2 of a second. All is alright with the world.
But there isn't that. If you want to be let alone you need to be surrounded by other people - who will let you be alone in their presence. Or you need to lock yourself away so that other people can't see that you are alone. If you want to read there is only one place for that: The library. But, still, if you are focused on something that is not a person then some other person simply will freak out about that and not let you be.
I wonder what happened to 'William's Syndrome'. I wonder if it has been 'normalised' over here... I really honestly genuinely think... That it has been. We do have swipe access... But things need to be done on the quiet. Hidden away... I think it is about... Control of populations. Yeah.
My experience is changing me... I'm not sure it is making me a better person. But I certainly have been learning.
Posted by Poet on October 28, 2015, at 10:39:50
In reply to Re: Do we ask for help as often as necessary?, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 21:41:07
Hi Alex,
I'm with you on a peaceful outdoors and frankly indoors. I work in a large office building where there is absolutely no place I can go and just be alone. Even in warm weather when I can sit outside- somebody always sits near me and wants to talk. I really, really want to be alone and just read my book.
I want a bloody big fence, too or a sign that says leave me the hell alone.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.