Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1056431

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by Snell on December 17, 2013, at 12:07:41

Dear Mom,

One thing it seems to me that people in general are particularly deaf about is the statement, "I have no money." In my experience, the only people who truly understand this are other people who have been homeless and the DMH [Department of Mental Health] caseworkers. Maybe some therapists. Mark, the millionaire many times over, also seemed, oddly, to understand. To everyone else, "I have no money" seems to mean "I'm low on money," or "I'm feeling a financial pinch," or "I'm awfully strapped for money." I don't mean that. I mean I HAVE NO MONEY. There is no money in an account I have access to. There is no money in my wallet. There are no bills under my mattress. There is No. F*ck*ng. Money.

It REALLY pissed me off yesterday when the allergist said, "You don't need a prescription for the allergy covers." Uhh, yeah, big deal. I need a prescription to get Medicaid to PAY for them. That's why I told the receptionist, "The only way for me to get the allergy covers is for me to go to Target and steal them." People do this sort of thing all the time. I was talking to the lady who was going to schedule the [medical magazine] interview. She started to give me instructions about parking--people do this all the time. I interrupted her and said, "I don't have a car." Oh! she said, slightly taken aback. Because who, in America, doesn't have A CAR?

Adam Lastname used to do exactly the same thing. Bob used to do exactly the same thing. Gabriel just evinced that he does the same thing. Betty? She was so stone deaf about it I ended my friendship over her deafness. Susan and John? I think they live in some sort of hallucinatory world where somehow my once having money, or my once being able to get a job to make money, somehow translates into a present where I do have money. It's the Susan and John causality time-warp.

When I used to borrow money from people, something Adam Lastname was always recommending, and they start asking me all these QUESTIONS, I have to somehow keep from shrieking: "I have no money! Don't you think I THOUGHT of X, and Y, and Z? Don't you think it OCCURRED to me that I might try P, and D, and Q? Short of selling my body on the street corner, which would be awfully hard given my relatively chunky state, I HAVE NO MONEY! I HAVE NO PROSPECT OF GETTING ANY MONEY (until January 1). It's not a prospect of having MORE money, or SOME EXTRA money, or A LITTLE MAD money, or a TIP, or a "MAYBE THIS WILL HELP OUT A LITTLE"--it's the FACT, the present, stark, true, undeniable, incontrovertible FACT, OF HAVING NO MONEY!"

That's why, in order to try to take some advantage of Gabriel's "present," I had to steal coffee filters from Walgreens. I suppose I could have gone to a public bathroom somewhere and taken a whole lot of paper towels and used them for coffee filters. But that is the sort of completely-without-dignity behavior I had to engage in when I was homeless, and I'd rather throw the f*ck*ng coffee away then be reduced to doing that.

I am not asking you for money. I have food stamps and will be able to survive. I'm just venting about deafness in general.

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:18:40

In reply to Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by Snell on December 17, 2013, at 12:07:41

I can empathize.

That was part of the problem with my friends in Wellington, before. Once I paid my rent I literally had NZD$60 to spend on food.

They didn't seem to understand why I didn't regularly top up my phone with $20, why I didn't spend $5.50 to train to see them, why I didn't meet them for a $4 coffee. Why visiting them was hard with communal cooking (which I'm not very good at) so they would likely send me on errands 'can you go pick up some butter' (which is, like, $7 from the corner store).

I could tell them 'I can't really afford' this, that, and the next thing until I was blue in the face and... Incomprehension, really. Or... Charity. Really in my face about it. E.g., 'My shout'. Not like once and then just do it. But saying it several times. Loudly. Proclaiming it to everyone. Making me feel... Not good about myself.

That was why my last visit to Wellington was nicer. They... Seemed to have gotten it. Finally. But still... It can be hard to be friends with people who have more money when they haven't been in the position of having less money themselves... Or... In the above case... Part of what was hard was a particular friend who had been there... Who became insufferable in the transition when he first started to earn. Who seem to have... Settled down somewhat now. Which is nice.

So...

Maybe it is about experience. And that fact that most people signal unreliably. Most people do in fact say they have no money or they can't afford something... People say they can't afford to eat but spend money on cigarettes or alcohol...

I didn't understand why Work and Income always required evidence from me that I couldn't pay my rent if their payment didn't come through. I was like - you know I don't have other sources of income, you know how much you are supposed to be paying me, you know how much my rent costs are. Why do I have to tell you AGAIN. ffs.

Apparently... Most people don't pay the rent costs they say they are (because they are living with friends who feel sad for them and don't make them pay). Most people don't spend much on food either, because people give them free food. So... A lot of people on welfare spend their money on alcohol and cigarettes.

It took years... Until they saw that I was literally spending $60 per week at the farmers market on food...

I don't know what to say.

People not listening... Will make you crazy.

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:45:48

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:18:40

uh... they aren't cases of my having no money. but... i think i do understand what you are saying. there are a bunch of things that are incompatible with your having no money. buying medication from the pharmacy. driving around a car. etc. people say 'oh yes, i understand, you have no money' but clearly their inability to follow basic inferences around your not being able to pay for prescriptions etc tells you they don't hear you at all.

i had a similar thing (i think) with just needing a quiet place to write my thesis. as in... my being able to hear you talk and sing and whistle and stomp and yell and click is my being in a noisy place not my being in a quiet place. putting me in a room where all those noises are readily heard through the walls is not giving me a quiet place for me to write my thesis. yet when i complain about not having a quiet place to write my thesis you look at me in complete confusion.

how much reading do you do?

do you ever think that if you turn the noise off... it might be a little easier to focus on the words on the page?

i need to be around graduate students / professors in order to write my thesis. because they understand what is needed. most people don't understand. but they think they do. worse... they say they do. and i believed them. which f*ck*d me over, rather. made me crazy.

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:53:31

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:45:48

perhaps a refuge is.. people "like us".

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by Snell on December 19, 2013, at 18:10:52

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:18:40

It is wonderful, wonderful to hear that someone else has had this problem. Thank you so much for posting.

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by Snell on December 19, 2013, at 18:13:30

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:45:48

Are we brother and sister? Yes, I have the same issues with noise. It seems that silence is a luxury to ba afforded by the rich; I need to fight for silence. And I write, and exterior noise extinguishes, or at least, drowns out the interior voice.

 

Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money'

Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 23:25:31

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by Snell on December 19, 2013, at 18:13:30

> Are we brother and sister? Yes, I have the same issues with noise. It seems that silence is a luxury to ba afforded by the rich; I need to fight for silence. And I write, and exterior noise extinguishes, or at least, drowns out the interior voice.

yes. it does. I think it is apparent to people who write. and it typically isn't apparent to people who don't.

it would be like trying to do math with your eyes pinned open and people dancing around in front of them.

i think that analogy works...

 

Re: how are you doing?

Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2014, at 17:30:52

In reply to Re: Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 23:25:31

do you get money soon? what will you do with it?

 

Re: how are you doing?

Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2014, at 17:37:16

In reply to Re: how are you doing?, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2014, at 17:30:52

actually... i'm not sure if this will interest you or not... but your post got me thinking on something that i've been thinking on recently...

there are a couple youtube videos. i can dig them out if you are interested.

one of them was on quality of life on vanuatu. it is considered a developing or 3rd world nation in terms of the gross domestic product. economics. it doesn't have much money. it doesn't export much stuff. it has a small population with lots of jungle.

but most of the people living in the tribes (on the islands away from the tourist areas) had adequate food. housing. access to community childcare. access to traditional medicines. they rated their quality of life quite high.

so... that first video was about quality of life... and how that can be quite different from money.

the second video was about these people who are making a 3d film of one of the tribes on the outer (most remote) islands. the chief of the tribe... wants people to watch the video and f*ck off and leave him and his tribe alone.

his thinking is that if people introduce money they introduce poverty. when money is introduced then the resources go to the people who come with their money / get sent out to people overseas with money. the people in the tribe end up not having enough to eat or having a nice place to live. not having access to traditional knowledge that teaches them how to have a high quality of life in their environment in a way that is sustainable -- if only the tourists or people bringing money can be kept away.

no money...

would you like to live someplace like that?

 

living someplace warm » alexandra_k

Posted by Snell on January 7, 2014, at 16:24:09

In reply to Re: how are you doing?, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2014, at 17:37:16

Hi. This deserves a long reply. My brother is recommending I do the same thing. But right now I'm feeling anxious and low-energy, so I'll reply at greater length soon.

 

Re: how are you doing? » alexandra_k

Posted by Snell on January 11, 2014, at 6:51:12

In reply to Re: how are you doing?, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2014, at 17:37:16

My brother works for the government analyzing geopolitics. How other countries and societies work is a specialty of his. Much of what you say below is stuff I've heard from him: "Go someplace warm."

> actually... i'm not sure if this will interest you or not... but your post got me thinking on something that i've been thinking on recently...
>
> there are a couple youtube videos. i can dig them out if you are interested.

Yes, I'd very much be interested. My email is kwanyin AT run box (that's one word) dot com.

>
> one of them was on quality of life on vanuatu. it is considered a developing or 3rd world nation in terms of the gross domestic product. economics. it doesn't have much money. it doesn't export much stuff. it has a small population with lots of jungle.

Okay, so far fits my brother's criterion of being "someplace warm."

> but most of the people living in the tribes (on the islands away from the tourist areas) had adequate food. housing. access to community childcare. access to traditional medicines. they rated their quality of life quite high.

Interesting. We're indoctrinated, in the USA, to believe that our way of life is the only and best way. Once true. Now not true.

> so... that first video was about quality of life... and how that can be quite different from money.

Oh, indeed. I've long ago given up the illusion that money can buy happiness.

> the second video was about these people who are making a 3d film of one of the tribes on the outer (most remote) islands. the chief of the tribe... wants people to watch the video and f*ck off and leave him and his tribe alone.

Can't blame him.

> his thinking is that if people introduce money they introduce poverty. when money is introduced then the resources go to the people who come with their money / get sent out to people overseas with money. the people in the tribe end up not having enough to eat or having a nice place to live. not having access to traditional knowledge that teaches them how to have a high quality of life in their environment in a way that is sustainable -- if only the tourists or people bringing money can be kept away.

Yes, this makes perfect sense in a variety of belief systems--including Zen Buddhism, which is one I subscribe to. I'm less fanatic about it now, but the teaching is: The more possessions you have, the more you have to worry about your possessions.
>
> no money...
>
> would you like to live someplace like that?

I would! The language would be a barrier. And I'm gay and I don't know how that would fly. And am I not exactly the sort of person--a refugee from the "First World"--that this Chief is trying to keep out?

I'd love to hear more, though. I do hope you'll email me directly. It seems we are the only two people talking on this thread and it might be nice to just connect privately.

Snell

 

Re: how are you doing?

Posted by alexandra_k on January 17, 2014, at 1:04:00

In reply to Re: how are you doing? » alexandra_k, posted by Snell on January 11, 2014, at 6:51:12

even though we may be the only two people talking, i bet there are a bunch who are reading and following along. you never know when someone can be lured out of the woodwork :)

here is the clip on quality of life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtnLl1Jp0K0

here is a clip on what tourism has brought:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMACsi8j3us

on an attempt at... cultural conservation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qQZC19lOew

 

Re: how are you doing?

Posted by alexandra_k on January 17, 2014, at 1:05:05

In reply to Re: how are you doing?, posted by alexandra_k on January 17, 2014, at 1:04:00

ps -- apparently everyone speaks a pidgeon english-french. mostly english words but french syntax. though... i'm not entirely sure that that is true of the most remote peoples. i don't know.


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