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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by no rose garden on June 11, 2013, at 18:40:36
As I watch other people interact, I realize that I am not fun and I'm not enjoyable...maybe as a depressed person I'll always be alone and should give up on finding somebody. Any tips?
Posted by sleepygirl2 on June 11, 2013, at 22:25:05
In reply to Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 11, 2013, at 18:40:36
I think you should try a group. I go to one, can't decide what I think of it, but it's valuable practice.
Posted by sigismund on June 13, 2013, at 19:50:30
In reply to Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 11, 2013, at 18:40:36
Well, my experience of life has been that as I have tried less hard to fit in I have become more fun to be with. People always used to annoy me by saying 'be yourself'. I am so much more comfortable with myself now. I suppose I kind of gave up on trying where it didn't work. For example, I will never go to another party again for the rest of my life. Bugger it. And look, I can be pretty depressed. Could it be about finding something or someone or some quality that is valuable to you? And stop trying to not be depressed. Perhaps you are trying so hard to fit in, to not be depressed, to not be a drag? Perhaps your depression is interesting?
It is all very counterintuitive.Anyway, you are young, right? Getting old helps with this. And all the great conversations you can have about dying. I have some fun with it. Currently I am doing it in Spanish.
Posted by sigismund on June 13, 2013, at 20:21:50
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by sigismund on June 13, 2013, at 19:50:30
The subtext to this argument (the one in my head) has been doing the rounds here for years.
There is the 'fake it till you make it' school, and the 'I wish I could just give up' school.
My sympathies have always been with the second, rightly or wrongly.
I really have no idea of what I am talking about, hope it makes some kind of sense.
Posted by Phil on June 14, 2013, at 12:43:46
In reply to Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 11, 2013, at 18:40:36
Like I heard in Al-Anon...I was doing great, taking care of myself, doing great, then I got into a relationship and it all went to sh*t.
Very common for us.
I want a relationship about as much as having a lung removed. I know that relationships make the world go round. Just not my world.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
Posted by gadchik on June 14, 2013, at 13:15:31
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by Phil on June 14, 2013, at 12:43:46
I would like to add, be careful what you wish for. Relationships are so difficult, and can be devastating,if they go south. Yet, a great one is pure bliss, and I understand wanting that.
Posted by no rose garden on June 15, 2013, at 21:53:03
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by gadchik on June 14, 2013, at 13:15:31
thanks guys....i guess I just need to get used to not having friends again...i just feel so lonely sometimes
Posted by alexandra_k on June 16, 2013, at 3:33:28
In reply to Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 11, 2013, at 18:40:36
i'm not really much of a bubbly fun person, either. i used to give myself a bit of a hard time for it, but i'm more accepting of it now.
i like the gym. because it is non-verbal and the endorphins make me feel happier / giddier. share moments of connect with people in group fitness classes etc.
doing something... maybe that is the key?
Posted by sigismund on June 16, 2013, at 6:48:37
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by alexandra_k on June 16, 2013, at 3:33:28
Maybe Alex has a point about doing things together.
I enjoy, as well as need, my Pilates classes and we have all become friends, but if the friend thing doesn't happen, then we can all just go back to doing Pilates.
There was this daughter of a friend who would not get out of bed, around 15. I said to her mother 'No chance of reading Dostoevsky together?' Anyway, not only did she get out of bed, she got out of town and left the country and is now, I last heard, doing fine in Italy. Something about her home town was enough to crush her.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on June 23, 2013, at 13:34:51
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by sigismund on June 16, 2013, at 6:48:37
Hello Sigi,
Nice to see your name :)
Posted by sigismund on June 23, 2013, at 17:40:35
In reply to Re: Alone forever? » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on June 23, 2013, at 13:34:51
Yeah, hello Eddy, it's always nice to see you.
Geez, I'm not very well. That must be how it ends.....the patients so tired and unable to protest that they end up on AAPs.
But not for me. I would rather be like Tolstoy and die in the train station. Not where I live for we have no trains, and I have to say the bus station is not a good place to die in, having only one bench.
How can you keep yourself amused in this world? Actually amusement isn't the problem. That's easy.
Posted by Beckett on June 24, 2013, at 16:51:26
In reply to Re: Alone forever? » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on June 23, 2013, at 17:40:35
Yes, avoid the bus stations.
How about a library? A grand old one.
Posted by sigismund on June 25, 2013, at 7:09:56
In reply to Re: Alone forever? » sigismund, posted by Beckett on June 24, 2013, at 16:51:26
I don't know how Oliver Sacks managed this but it is in the story about how he found his approach in his books.
It had been his habit to stay in the public I think library for a whole weekend. He would take 100mg of some kind of amphetamine (Methedrine?) and stay up all weekend reading, and then he found Luria.
Posted by Willful on June 26, 2013, at 10:44:43
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 15, 2013, at 21:53:03
Okay, this might seem like a weird idea, but how about trying one of these virtual reality games where you meet people and get to know them-- ?
Not the ones where you're trying to play a game and get to a goal or anything, but just a social one, where people hang out and get together or do simple activities like virtual dancing or listening to music- or meditating, through an avatar that represents them in the virtual space- or just as I said hanging out. It might be a good way of practicing social skills and getting to know some people in a way that's less tense than real life.
I know people who've enjoyed these things and they say it helps with loneliness. There are people who for various reasons can't get out of the house-- who are very interesting and intelligent-- who go to these places for companionship.
It's just a thought-- but it might be fun and also help with loneliness.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on June 30, 2013, at 10:42:53
In reply to Re: Alone forever? » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on June 23, 2013, at 17:40:35
Hello Sigi,
Sorry to hear you're not well. I have a feeling than whatever is wrong, an AAP is probably not the answer you are looking for!
> Yeah, hello Eddy, it's always nice to see you.
>
> Geez, I'm not very well. That must be how it ends.....the patients so tired and unable to protest that they end up on AAPs.
>
> But not for me. I would rather be like Tolstoy and die in the train station. Not where I live for we have no trains, and I have to say the bus station is not a good place to die in, having only one bench.
>
> How can you keep yourself amused in this world? Actually amusement isn't the problem. That's easy.
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:56:56
In reply to Re: Alone forever?, posted by no rose garden on June 15, 2013, at 21:53:03
I feel so lonely all the time no rose garden. I feel your pain. I know I'll always be alone but I have so much trouble just accepting that. I don't want to be alone but there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it in my present condition.
This is the end of the thread.
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