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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by glydin50 on November 20, 2010, at 21:52:32
sh*t and discuss their issue w/ me than block me on a social network site... it feels horrible... just saying...
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 0:56:06
In reply to I would rather someone jump in my, posted by glydin50 on November 20, 2010, at 21:52:32
Yup my ex-husband did it cause wouldn't meet him two hours away for lunch and my husband knew and had no problem with it. My nephew did it to me today and we then discussed in private what happened and now friends again. So nice when you can discuss the problem without fear and resolve it. Something maybe that should be allowed here. Who knows maybe tomorrow he or someone else will get upset. Like hanging up the phone. Then you resolve the issue. Sometimes it really hurts. So much so that you can't convey your feelings. I've never gotten mad just hurt. According to my pdoc that is cause of all the verbal abuse from mother and husbands and even kids. She said we all have a threshold of what the mind can take then we kind of snap and coping mechanisms gone. I fear anger and run away from it. Verbal abuse is worse than physical
Posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 8:24:28
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » glydin50, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 0:56:06
I found out the person was hurt. I would rather they tell me that. I apologized but I'm not sure it will make a difference. It was better I leaned of their feelings.
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 9:56:46
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Phillipa, posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 8:24:28
How would you wish it to make a difference since apologies might have been accepted? What would you ask of this person? Phillipa
Posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 10:08:33
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Glydin50, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 9:56:46
I would hope that would make a difference. It's a good thing to know other's feelings.
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 11:53:45
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Phillipa, posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 10:08:33
Yes it is so many hurts behind the scenes. Hoping yours are hurting. Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 11:55:28
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Phillipa, posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 10:08:33
That was aren't hurting. Hope you quickly read this one. Here I go again with typos:( Sorry very sorry. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on November 21, 2010, at 12:04:24
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » glydin50, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 0:56:06
~~`~ Verbal abuse is worse than physical
Time for an "I" statement Phillipa. You wrote: " I think verbal abuse is worse than physical"
Obviously you have never been beaten on a daily basis and thrown against the wall as well on a daily basis and you put up with it because you think you deserve it. For *ME* that hurts a lot more than verbal abuse and I know this because I have been there. Verbal abuse would have been a delighful break for me.
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 12:17:29
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on November 21, 2010, at 12:04:24
Sorry Maxie I feel verbal abuse for me is worse than physical. Sorry you were beaten must have been horrible. Phillipa
Posted by maxime on November 21, 2010, at 12:50:49
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 12:17:29
Well, what type of verbal abuse are we talking about. I get a lot of it from me brother. He does it so much that his first wife left him because they wouldn't take it. I agree that verbal abuse is bad. Maybe Maybe we are confusing verbal abuse and emotional abuse (verbal).
But give me verbal abuse any day over being hunted in my apartment and thrown against the wall until blood comes out of my ears on a daily basis. I still flinch if someone puts a hand near me.
When people verbally abuse (like really bad abuse) I just shut and I don't hear a thing they are saying. Although yelling scare the sh*t out me for obvious reasons.
To be honest, I would just rather live on an island that deal with anything at this point.
Posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 16:13:44
In reply to Re: Oh dear, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 11:55:28
> That was aren't hurting. Hope you quickly read this one. Here I go again with typos:( Sorry very sorry. Phillipa
~~~ I understood what you meant. It's fine.
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 17:08:26
In reply to Re: Oh dear, posted by Glydin50 on November 21, 2010, at 16:13:44
Glyndin glad you understood. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jay_Clockwork_Angels on November 22, 2010, at 17:47:11
In reply to Re: I would rather someone jump in my *trigger* » Phillipa, posted by maxime on November 21, 2010, at 12:50:49
> Well, what type of verbal abuse are we talking about. I get a lot of it from me brother. He does it so much that his first wife left him because they wouldn't take it. I agree that verbal abuse is bad. Maybe Maybe we are confusing verbal abuse and emotional abuse (verbal).
>
> But give me verbal abuse any day over being hunted in my apartment and thrown against the wall until blood comes out of my ears on a daily basis. I still flinch if someone puts a hand near me.
>
> When people verbally abuse (like really bad abuse) I just shut and I don't hear a thing they are saying. Although yelling scare the sh*t out me for obvious reasons.
>
> To be honest, I would just rather live on an island that deal with anything at this point.I am hesitant to jump in here, but having worked at Children's Aid even just for a few years, I saw the worst of the worst, sometimes almost daily. I feel it is pointless to argue that "my abuse is worse than other x abuse". I am not trying to argue, or disqualify anybody's feelings.
One of the reason's my dream was to be a social worker is because my Dad was horrifically abused as a child (many times daily..and there was no Children's Aid, or anything to protect kids back then.) He got both physical and mental abuse. At 5 years of age, he would be chased and terrorized by an *adopted* strict Scottish father, who chased my Dad into a closet, kicking him in the head and back, stomach, and using large wooden utensils and straps belted across his head, throat and face. His step-father even held gardening tools up to his face and left him with scars and wounds that where not stitched.Okay...about the verbal abuse, I have seen it draw 7 year old kids to suicide. It happened to me in a few on my case load, and there where many attempts in there as well. In an odd twist of fate, I go back to my journal at that time and re-read about those cases, and I think it has saved my life. When you see the sheer intense grief parents go through, it still sends shivers up my spine. Plus, I also had to deal with what is becoming endemic, more like epidemic now. That is school-yard bullying. You see and hear about these stories in the news quite a bit these days, and the reality is worse 1,000-fold many times. One really disturbing statistic is that it is actually young girls outcasting and blacklisting other peer girls far more than males. The peer pressure in elementary schools is at a boiling point, and that alone has contributed to the increasing rate of youth suicide.
So, we are not talking about things on an exact, linear scale. It comes in 100,000 shades of gray.
I couldn't hold the Children's Aid job because it was really messing with my mental health. What does start to happen after a few years of terrible shock, is numbness and indifference set in. In a way, fortunately I never reached that stage. (That sounds like an odd statement..but..all things considered..)This is not to downplay any of the effects of any kind of abuse, but that it all has similar effects. Yes, some cases are worse than others on different levels, but it all exists in this huge blanket of such extreme despair. And..one final thought...yes I believe in strict laws against any type of child abuse, but I saw many similar patterns. Many times the parents themselves where barely able to cope with their existance, and the poverty and hopelessness they lived in. The parents are often just repeating learned behaviour from their childhood. Whenever I sat to debrief with a parent, most of them came across as hard-working, nice, caring people. Even ones who did the most horrific things you could imagine to a child.
So, it is the *big* picture in society that has to change. From mental health to economic disparity, and a million points in between, maybe then we can reduce the violence against others.
FWIW, YMMV, IMHO...etc..
Jay
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