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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
Lithium is keeping me out of the hospital, for now.
At the funeral I spoke these words. Those of you who are living with mental illness may appreciate them...
___
I want to thank all of you who have come to be with us on this special day, both those who loved my Mother, and those who are here to support this family through this time of sorrow. I especially thank those of you who are here because you care about Marie and me.
The Burtons are a big family. My mother became pregnant six times in seven years. If I became a little shy around girls, its partially because I came to believe that if you just looked at a girl she would get pregnant.
Anyway, in a big family its hard to get attention. Each child had their own unique style to earn my Moms favor. I was off to a good start, cause lets face it, I was one pretty baby. I now realize that this explains why when I lost a fight with one of my brothers it would always end up with one of them grinding my face in the dirt. These and other traumas made me the sensitive one. My Mom had to develop secret codes of affection that we exchanged. I even got her to write most of my homework when I contracted Procrastination Disease from my older brother John. But being the sensitive one eventually wore off, because sometime in my teenage years I changed into the annoying one. Adults stopped being people from whom we sought approval, but rather the objects of our contempt. Of the many things I wish I could change about my relationship with my parents, I regret that I seemed to have made it my mission in life to question their perfectly sensible values and political views. Childishly I was always rubbing their faces in the dirt with my liberal self-righteous convictions.
Yet this is the wonder of my mother. She liked it that we were different--she encouraged it. She loved us unconditionally. She accepted who we brought home, she embraced those who we married, and she adored her grandchildren immensely.
As the consummate Mother she was never so challenged as when I went off to college and got caught up in the wild Cultural Revolution that was peaking in 1970. At points in the ensuing decade I know that she thought she had completely lost me several times. My Mother refused to succumb to my rejection. Her unwavering maternal forces willed me to health.
Simply put, it has been my great fortune to have had the most loving Mother possible -- I know, because I tested it. I need to share with you that these past weeks as she became ill, I was graced with the ability to return this affection to her. It is difficult to explain how beautiful and powerful this experience has been. My Mother was fully content with her life and ready to let her time on earth come to an end. Instead, she put up a two week fight, not for herself, but for all of us who selfishly wanted her to live forever. I am so thankful that I was there to help her battle; to make her smile; to profess my adoration and love for her; to assure that my Father will be alright without her; and finally, to hold her as she comfortably took her last breath.
This was unquestionably the most beautiful experience of my life.
Before I end I want to give thanks to some special people. My sister, Beth, carried the emotional burden of this vigil. She cared for my Mother, my Father, and for all of us with strength, grace and patience worthy of sainthood. Beth embodies my Mothers loving spirit. If you dont know my Mother - - know Beth.Marie is my wife, the love of my life, my companion who held my hand whenever I let go of my Mothers. How is it that someone so annoying deserves to be surrounded by such wonderful women?
To my three children and all my nieces and nephews, I tell you to not forget this experience ever. It is manly to care, to cry, and to feel. Know all of you, too, that it is right for women to be strong and take the lead.
Finally, I just want to say to you, Mom, I love you so much. Thank you for having faith in me. Thank you for forgiving me for being such a challenge. And thank you for trusting me when I told you - it was okay to give up the fight.
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 28, 2009, at 4:52:06
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
Oh, my dear man, Toph.
Sometimes a good cry is a good way to start my day. I learned that from you, this morning.
God bless you.
Lar
Posted by manic666 on April 28, 2009, at 5:18:45
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
cool mom, you two loved as one , thats special
Posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2009, at 11:43:17
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
Posted by TexasChic on April 28, 2009, at 13:28:04
In reply to lovely words--you're a blessing to so many! (nm) » Toph, posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2009, at 11:43:17
Thanks for sharing such a personal thing with us. Its was truly beautiful.
-T
Posted by obsidian on April 28, 2009, at 21:03:31
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
wow, that was beautiful, really, really beautiful
nice job Toph, and I am so sorry for you loss
-sid
Posted by antigua3 on April 30, 2009, at 15:35:48
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
That was simply a beautiful post. I'm glad you had a mother like her. I aspire to be that w/my own children, but your mother sounds like she was really, really special.
I'm sorry that you lost her, but I'm glad you had the time to appreciate her at the end.
antigua
Posted by Kath on April 30, 2009, at 18:14:20
In reply to Hanging in there..., posted by Toph on April 28, 2009, at 2:16:43
That is one of the most beautiful, most touching things I have EVER read (& I'm 62, so I've read a LOT).
What a beautiful tribute to your Mom. I think that anyone who heard that (or read it, for that matter) received a very wonderful gift. Even if we didn't know your Mother. It gives me goosebumps to think of being one of the people you mentioned & hearing that!
I send you my loving support & wish I could do it in person.
love, Kath
PS - I wonder if you know that you are a very talented writer???
Posted by jai narayan on May 6, 2009, at 21:00:19
In reply to Re: Hanging in there... » Toph, posted by Larry Hoover on April 28, 2009, at 4:52:06
I am so happy that you got to give love and get it from your mother. What a unique and special relationship. Your retelling of this process is nakedly real. I am in awe.
xoxox
Jai
you know you got my support.
This is the end of the thread.
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