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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Kath on May 17, 2008, at 19:55:27
If this works out right - I'm hoping it will show our new canoe!!!
Went for a ride on the river today. About 20 minutes from our house.
Saw Mommy Duck & 6 babies swimming madly ahead of us. SO cute. Some parts of the river were quite shallow & measuring with the paddle, from the front of the canoe, it must site VERY high in the water, because we could skim over 3 inch deep areas without hitting bottom!!
SO much fun. We had walked beside the river before. We dutifully put our life jackets on & during the canoe ride, found that at NO PLACE was the river more than about 3 1/2 feet deep! LOL I felt like an idiot wearing a life jacket but as hubby pointed out, nobody on shore would know how deep it was!
What fun.
I wanted to name the canoe Otter. My husband was joking that he wanted to call it Big Red (it's bright red). We settled on Pelly since the canoe is a Pelican. lol
Other names that were bounced around were Red Dog, Poppy, Red Poppy, Red Belly, Red Snake - we can get pretty silly, but were quite tame in our name choices. We should have carried it on more & had more fun!
Possible names welcomed just for fun (She's already Pelly)
luv, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 10:35:41
In reply to Our new canoe - it's red., posted by Kath on May 17, 2008, at 19:55:27
Opps didn't see a pic of the canoe on the link you provided but it must be lovely. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 10:41:33
In reply to Our new canoe - it's red., posted by Kath on May 17, 2008, at 19:55:27
How exciting!
I love how you set aside time for spending with nature.
One of the things I really regret about not moving (and I'm regretting it more all the time) is that there were so many really beautiful places close enough to drive for a day trip.
Posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 11:21:40
In reply to Re: Our new canoe - it's red. » Kath, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 10:35:41
Hi Phillilpa,
Try clicking on it again. When I did, a photo of Pelly came up! :-)
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 11:51:07
In reply to Re: Our new canoe - it's red. » Kath, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 10:41:33
> How exciting!
>
> I love how you set aside time for spending with nature.
>
> One of the things I really regret about not moving (and I'm regretting it more all the time) is that there were so many really beautiful places close enough to drive for a day trip.Hi Dinah,
Yes, I sort of feel my whole 'being' expand outwards when I'm in Nature. Hubby & I go for a walk in the forest pretty-well every weekend at least once, - at least until mosquito season. We try to find places where the mosquitoes aren't too bad even then.
Although we have quite a big & private back yard, we live in an older subdivision & I HATE that. I can hardly think about it or it is TOOO upsetting. Before I married hubby (it'll be 15 years this July) I lived out in the country on 2 acres - old farm house with a walk-out French door to a stone patio...which had a few big old gracefully-hanging pines nearby. It had a veggie garden, a little forest off the the side, enough trees around the property to feel cosy, enough lawn to not feel hemmed in, a pond at the front, a long lane coming up from the road with a little bridge over the stream from the pond.
OH my gosh. It was SO hard to move from THAT into a small house in a "Hi World, Here I AM" subdivision!!!! Yuck. I think I still feel some anger about it.
Hubby owned his house; I rented.
Hubby's older parents lived near him & were VERY (at the least, emotionally) dependent on him - esPEcially his mother; I didn't have relatives who I saw.
Hubby worked an hour away from his fairly senior job; I lived 3 hours away from his place of work & my job was no big deal. I was pretty "mousey" at that time...when he said moving to somewhere in between didn't work for him, 'he had his parents & he had his job!' I merely acquiesced. On my 'side' of the 'case', my daughter who was about 17 at the time, had finally made some good friends, & didn't want to move away from where I lived, so decided if I moved away, she'd stay there (I still have grief about what feels like being 'wrenched' away from her.) My son, who was about 8 & was VERY upset about his dad leaving, was distraught about leaving his friends. I'd be leaving all my friends & support people (professional & not) who'd helped me through my ex-husband's affairs & helped me through my separation, single-parenthood & divorce. WOW - who knew all THIS would come up in a post about my canoe!!! This is good - I'll bring this sh*t up in Group Therapy some time.....I didn't realize I still had this intense anger! I think the BIGGEST thing I am angry about is that he didn't even ACKNOWLEDGE how the pendulum was swung to his side in the move, nor do I feel that he gave a sh*t! I did bring it up once, but obviously didn't get a response that made me feel that he was anything other than selfish about the whole thing. ~sigh~When did you decide not to move, Dinah? I can't remember reading about it, but with my memory that means little! Do you live in a city? Sounds like you'd have QUITE a drive to be really out in Nature Dinah. Was the chance to move a one-time thing? (As in employment opportunity etc).
I send you hugs, love, Kath
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 12:35:08
In reply to Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise! » Dinah, posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 11:51:07
There is nature nearby, and it has a beauty of its own sort. But it's not really the sort of beauty that calls to me to connect to it. I live in New Orleans.
A few years ago, my husband's company offered a relocation program to those willing to move to a city that it would have never occurred to us to choose. But when we checked it out, we discovered that parts of it were very nice. And there were mountains within a few hours drive.
There were reasons for the move and reasons against it. We found a home I loved. It was a reach financially but with the relocation package, it would have been doable. But then we discovered it had a lot of costly repairs that needed to be done.
Without a house I absolutely loved to look forward to, the fears of losing everything I'd always known and my therapist and the local restaurants and all the local things I loved all got too much for me. After seeing me in hysteria as we were about to make the final commitment, my husband said we weren't going to go and that was it. No more discussion.
I do regret it in many ways. Moving would have forced some changes in my life that I really need to make. Plus the area was beautiful. But I also acknowledge that it's better for our son that we stayed where he's happy in school and has friends. We've promised him we'll do our best not to move until he graduates from high school, which is years and years off. And there are things I love about here that I would miss very much if we moved.
Maybe your situation is similar in that? Certainly the situation with your daughter is a loss that would be hard to compensate for. And the distress for your son. But it sounds as if you and your husband have a good life together?
He should acknowledge the magnitude of what you gave up, though. Even if he balances it with the magnitude of your blessings (in the form of himself of course). I can see where acknowledgment and understanding would go a long way to soothing the anger.
Posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 15:08:03
In reply to Re: Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise!, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 12:35:08
> There is nature nearby, and it has a beauty of its own sort. But it's not really the sort of beauty that calls to me to connect to it. I live in New Orleans.
****Oh yes, I remember now, that you live in New Orleans, Dinah.
> we discovered that parts of it were very nice. And there were mountains within a few hours drive.****Oh, mountains would be lovely.**
> There were reasons for the move and reasons against it. We found a home I loved. It was a reach financially but with the relocation package, it would have been doable. But then we discovered it had a lot of costly repairs that needed to be done.***In BIG things, I find it hard to make a decision. To a large extent, I don't do well with changes - H & I plan to move to the country when he retires - 2 years away at minimum, I guess; he hopes he can get some kind of reasonable early retirement package. We have a few areas in mind. Our move would probably be at least 3 hours away from here. Not impossible, but pretty big, nonetheless. The thought of moving from my wonderful doctor, off-&-on short-term therapist (who's GREAT), my Group Therapy, which is great, my friends, my pottery guild, 'how-will-I-move-all-my-perennials-especially-if-we-move-off-season?' - LOL all those things are stressful. I'm just not thinking of them. No point yet, but a part of me knows it'll be big.
It must have been hard when you discovered that the home that you loved had major repairs necessary.> Without a house I absolutely loved to look forward to, the fears of losing everything I'd always known and my therapist and the local restaurants and all the local things I loved all got too much for me. After seeing me in hysteria as we were about to make the final commitment, my husband said we weren't going to go and that was it. No more discussion.
***Yes, I can relate for sure to your hysteria.**
> I do regret it in many ways. Moving would have forced some changes in my life that I really need to make. Plus the area was beautiful. But I also acknowledge that it's better for our son that we stayed where he's happy in school and has friends. We've promised him we'll do our best not to move until he graduates from high school, which is years and years off. And there are things I love about here that I would miss very much if we moved.****If it's any source of reassurance, I think moving is REALLY hard on kids. You know my son's problems. Well, he WAS already having troubles regarding his Dad leaving, but I think moving on TOP of that was really AWFUL. I feel terrible about it. But what can you do? Sometimes life presents us with simply no-best-choice situations. I do hope you give yourself BIG credit regarding keeping your son so much in mind Dinah.**
> Maybe your situation is similar in that? Certainly the situation with your daughter is a loss that would be hard to compensate for. And the distress for your son. But it sounds as if you and your husband have a good life together?
****Yes, we do.***
> He should acknowledge the magnitude of what you gave up, though. Even if he balances it with the magnitude of your blessings (in the form of himself of course).
*****LOL - blessings/himself :-)
I wouldn't even THINK of bringing it up for discussion Dinah. The one time we did go for counselling, it ended up working VERY well & we only went once & that issue was worked out wonderfully. HowEVER - the time before it, was RIDICULOUS. Like living with a big black storm cloud - that's how I felt. Having him say, "Well - if counselling doesn't work out!!!! WHAT THEN!!!!?????????" in what felt like a very intimidating way. I was SO proud of my reaction, "We'll deal with that IF and WHEN it happens!!" Mostly I'm not a MOUSE any more! thank goodness.**I can see where acknowledgment and understanding would go a long way to soothing the anger.
***I believe I'll probably be able to deal with it in Group Therapy. The doctor is great. She often asks the person who's 'doing work' "Is there anyone here in our group who reminds you of ----?" If there is, she asks them if they'd be willing to be ----- & then does a back & forth dialogue, coaching them what to say.
It seems to work very well. OR, she has a wooden stand in the middle of the circle of chairs with books & kleenex on it. She'll point to it & say to the person doing work, "TALK to him....tell him how much he hurt you..." etc & for ex, I 'talked' to my ex & it really seems to work well. NOT to my liking, she had me BE my 'ex' as well!! I did NOT like that, but I think it was importnat. In the end of that work, I was able to view the divorce as NOT 100% my fault & NOT a negative reflection on me, etc!I suspect that the bookstand will end up being my hubby at some point soon (since I'd like to deal with it, as it's come up so strongly!). I suspect I can work it through that way. Along with using the TAT method. I was really surprised that it came up so vehemently.
So funny - here I was telling what a nice time hubby & I had canoing & all of a sudden all he*l breaks loose!! LOL
So Dinah, do you take time yourself to go out into Nature? What are your favourite nature-type places near you?
:-) Kath
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 16:26:44
In reply to Re: Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise!, posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 15:08:03
I can certainly understand that. With some things, if I can work them out myself without involving my husband, life is much smoother. It's not that he doesn't care. It's more that he cares so much, and feels so responsible for more things than he should feel responsible for. If he feels that he let us down in any way, he gets angry with himself. And none of us find that pleasant.
But I guess it's the flip side of having a husband who cares so much and takes his responsibilities seriously.
I think it's probably best to go back to thinking how much you enjoyed yourself with your dear husband, who likes canoing as much as you do. :)
I like to connect with nature in ways that make me feel very small, and God (or nature, or whatever you might believe) seem very big. So mountains, or really vistas of any sort. Or standing in the wind and rain. Or being in a plane with my nose pressed to the window. The closest I've come anywhere near here is being on a very high floor of a resort on the gulf coast and watching the waves come in and out and in and out. Always breaking in the same places, yet never looking the same. I used to try to get to the mountains every couple of years. My family of origin went nearly every year. But my son and husband are less interested.
On the plus side, everything is so lush around here. The trouble is more that everything grows too much than coaxing it to grow. There is so much beauty in the flowers, and so many heady smells from the sweet olives and gardenias and my favorite, the jasmine. Living here isn't half bad. At least when it isn't too darn hot to enjoy it.
My parents had a beautiful enclosed patio, and while I can't hope to replicate that without adding onto the house, I am looking into making our patio as nice as it can be. Maybe a fountain like they had, surrounded by potted plants. And some comfy patio furniture that calls to be curled up in. And some misting fans to keep the heat at bay.
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 16:28:04
In reply to Re: Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise! » Kath, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 16:26:44
lol. That's another nice thing about here.
We're at the foot of the mighty Mississippi. While our water may be a bit iffy for drinking, it's plentiful. If we ever run out, we'll have bigger things to worry about than water rationing.
Posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 16:30:23
In reply to Re: Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise!, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 16:28:04
I love rivers, lakes - water in general.
So this feels like a dumb question - I gather that the M is so wide that you can't see the other side?
When that happens, I usually pretend it's the ocean!!! LOL
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 16:34:59
In reply to Re: Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise! » Kath, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 16:26:44
Yes Dinah - I've set aside all that stuff & am in the now. I'll save it for Group Therapy.
Thx once again for your lovely wisdom!
Oh, some of the words you used sound SO wonderful & heavy & heady & tropical & lush!!!
I love warmth. A fountain sounds just heavenly. Think of hearing that in the background!
I send you my love & DAM* I wished we lived close enough to hang out!!!!!!!
LOVE, Kath
Posted by Poet on May 19, 2008, at 10:59:12
In reply to Our new canoe - it's red., posted by Kath on May 17, 2008, at 19:55:27
Hi Kath,
Your new canoe brought back a vivid memory of a river guide saying "if you've never gotten into a canoe before pay close attention" just as my then boyfriend stepped into the canoe the wrong way and tipped over. Good thing it was a warm day.
Happy canoeing.
Poet
Posted by Kath on May 19, 2008, at 17:53:52
In reply to Re: Our new canoe - it's red. » Kath, posted by Poet on May 19, 2008, at 10:59:12
LOL - oh dear!!!
poor guy!!
love, Kath
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