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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2008, at 21:55:36
Hey all
Ohhh this is weird, tough, sometimes exhilarating and once in a bit even feels good.
I stopped Prozac almost a week ago, after months of deliberationactually many months.heck almost a year. I had been pumping 7 or so, at times, drugs into me, and they did so/so sometimes, but quite often left me tired, very grumpy and touchy, fat and like I could eat forever. Never mind a 0 negative sex drive.Well, I now only use my clonazepam, and some herbal stuff which actually work quite good. I was told it would take about 3 months for the weight to start to really come off, and the sex drive to start to come back. But, I will say, there has been a somewhat subtle but positive change in my overall thinking. I can now feel on a much deeper level, without breaking into tears, or that I am an eternal loser. I actually feel hopeful. (Knock on wood..heh.) My face even looks better in the mirror! I catch myself making those rock star faces and poses in the mirror!..lol. I dont feel the scream inside.I dont yell and lash at other drivers. I dont sleep 17 hours a day. Yet I feel a bit more calm, and blood doesnt race through me like it used to. I still eat some junk food, but no where near as much as before. I can actually think about tomorrow and not have a nervous breakdown every time! Ha!.
But, there is still a ways to goI know that for a fact. I still have to get a bit more excited about things, and about women. Music still has to touch me even deeper. I can still be a nicer, better, happier person, esp. to the ones I love. And of course, I still must, must, must shed this god darn weight. When I get my mind set on something.this is one of my strengthsIll do it. My meds in the past, I know now, took that away from me.but maybe at the time I needed that. Even now, just losing a couple of pounds over the past week felt like something, even though it was not much. My old jeans fit much better, and I looked pretty good in them I must say! (Sorry for tooting my own horn.I havent done this in sooooooo longohhhhhh..I am not trying to be egotistical).
I guess the challenge for me is, I know I am not going back to the Prozac. It just doesnt do anything good for me anymore anyways. (It only really, really worked in the first 6 months 5 years ago.) I have a tiny voice that for some reason reminds me there are other medications out there. A few I havent tried. They are still SSRI/SNRIs, though, so will still give the same side effects on sex and weight and emotions. So, it takes a tiny bit of my will to keep my mind away from even thinking of those things as an option. Maybe if I was going through a real HELL, then yes I would consider. But, too much good outweighs the bad. Id really love to hear your guys comments. I now want to livelove.dream.I lost that for so longnot sure if it was illness or combo of meds and illness. It doesnt matter. And no, I am not in a manic phaseI sleep great8-9 hours a dayand have felt this way for quite awhile now.
Thanks kindly,
Jay
Posted by Poet on February 3, 2008, at 11:31:02
In reply to Need desperate supportgoing on alone.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2008, at 21:55:36
Hi Jay,
Go ahead and toot your own horn. You've lost weight, you're feeling emotionally and physically better and feel good about yourself. Toot that horn loud and clear because you deserve to.
Poet
Posted by Kath on February 3, 2008, at 16:58:05
In reply to Need desperate supportgoing on alone.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2008, at 21:55:36
Jay sounds like big congratulations are due to you. I am so pleased for you!!!
Do you mind me asking what herbal thing you tried & are you still taking it?
5HTP & St. John's Wort helped me bigtime, then sorta didn't help quite as much so I added folic acid & selenium & upped my dose a bit...am doing better again.
It's so great to hear all the positive changes that are happening for you.
It must feel pretty exciting & hopeful. Hang in there! If you're improving that much without taking more meds than you are, I support you in hanging in there & seeing how things go.
You're not being egotistical Jay! You're being positive & honest & I think it's GREAT!!!
Way to go.
luv, Kath
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 19:50:44
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Poet on February 3, 2008, at 11:31:02
Hi Poet:
Thank you so kindly. Honestly. Who knows.maybe next week.. tomorrow whenever.I could lose it all again. I do feel some comfort I have meds there if/when needed. But, thanks. Really. One thing you truly lose in depression is that big chunk of ego, even if you are painfully aware of yourself. But it is the positive, giving and caring part of my ego that is coming back. I shave everyday now.get all pretty and suchlolI know, superficial and all, but my depression robbed me of those basic things, of feeling good about those things. Then it seemed the Prozac in particular added to the why should I care aspect. I am not trying to be anti-med, nothing at all like thatand I hope nobody reads it like that! Without that stuff to pull me out, I dont know what I would have done. Plus, I still use other meds PRN. Clonazepam for the really anxious times. I wake up, usually, now without uttering my daily hate and death curses..heh. (I hated morningseven before medsand still dont REALLY take to thembut its a bit better.) Seeing my bloated body take even on a tiny bit of a better form is nice too, just for the healthier aspect of it all. Anyhowthanx kindly for the comments and encouragementand here is wishing the best right back to you.
Best,
Jay :-)
Posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2008, at 20:56:36
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Poet, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 19:50:44
Jay that's great. Maybe depression is a thing of the past for you you worked through the tragedy and now you're ready to take on life again. Congrats!!!!!! Phillipa
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 21:39:44
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Kath on February 3, 2008, at 16:58:05
Hi Kath:
Thanks so much. Ummm..Its 5HTP and Passionflower, and am experimenting with Rhodiola(sp?). I did notice in the distant past, that folic acid and selenium aggravated my anxiety sometimes. But, your body chemistry is of course made up different. Now, if I was feeling really, really bad, I am sure there would be no place for those herbs. But, just to maintain, they help with the clonazepam to keep in my best form.Another thing also struck me. Ive been on meds for about 14 years now. I started when I was about 24, and now am 38. I am wondering that if my changing body chemistry, getting towards middle age, as a male, has maybe helped me some too. Maybe I dont have those hormones racing through me like I did in my 20s. I REALLY cant believe how calm, and rational I have been. Ive got French-Canadian, Danish, and Irish blood in me, so I was used to being a bit edgy. I still feel pissed off at some people, but its not a seething anger that keeps me awake.
Plus, I start to feel excited about things again. Just imagining some of my dreams, hopes, and how I know that if I really put my mind to them, they will likely come true. Of course I still have some of my downers, especially my fears around loss, death of others, and grief. I carry a lot of difficult emotions when it comes to grief. But, those will be there with me until my time is up, and I am spending lots of time doing the deeper work, and I still tear up about it. That is perfectly finethats the price of being human.
Thanks so much for ALWAYSalwaysalways.kindly being supportive. You are a wonderful human beingand need to recognize that. Same goes for so many on here who have been there time after time after time.
Thanks.peace..and best..,
Jay :-)
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 22:03:59
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2008, at 20:56:36
> Jay that's great. Maybe depression is a thing of the past for you you worked through the tragedy and now you're ready to take on life again. Congrats!!!!!! Phillipa
>
>
>I dont know Phillipa. That mortal pain I think will always be there. (At least its fingerprint!..ha) Maybe some of my ways of coping, and some of my perceptions have changed, though. Its like the name of that U2 albumAll that You Cant Leave Behind. This is all SO strange, though, I have to say!
The thing was, the side effects of the meds where actually outweighing the benefits. I was grumpy, miserable, angry, apathetic, and my metabolism seemed fr*gg*d, and I could sleep most of the day. Plus, the BIGGIE, the meds where messing around with my blood sugar! Even Prozac seemed to knock it up a few points. But, when you constantly have high blood sugar, you feel nauseous, have headaches, major mood swings, tired, achy, and are in and out of the bathroom all the time. That was NO way to live! Just getting rid of that problem (that still occurred even with diabetes meds) made me feel 80-90 percent better! Then there is the sex drive thing. I actually read of SSRIs causing genital anesthesia. Living with this stuff for years..into decades is just so terrible. (Oh, and the weight thing too!)
So, for me, not having all of these side-effects, no wonder I feel so much better!!..lol.
But, I was still brave, and I took my medicine, and if I have to again, Id try something different. I honestly have nothing *against* the meds, but just think the bloody drug companies could make better meds that dont cause all of the above side-effects!Anyhow.sorry for my rant. Thanks so kindly Phillipayou are a doll. :-)
Best as always
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2008, at 22:48:07
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 22:03:59
Jay I agree with what you said about the meds seems a lot of people I e-mail with are drug free now and feel better. I think the med trials are so short they should be longer to pick up on side effects. But you know I think we just get used to feeling like we need a med. So glad you doing better. Of course the pain will always be there but you will deal with it better. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on February 4, 2008, at 10:51:04
In reply to Re: Need desperate supportgoing on alone.. » Kath, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 3, 2008, at 21:39:44
Jay - I must watch that - as to anxiety/selenium/folic acid, as I actually have been having some sort of unexpected anxiety!
Jay - just in case you don't read it - I want to refer you to a post further down the page. In reply to one of Tina's posts, I gave 2 replies.
I included the web addresses for some (in my opinion) potentially VERY useful methods for healing trauma. (especially the "TAT" one, for trauma).
You certainly have heavy trauma to deal with, so I sincerely hope that you'll check out all those sites. If you were going to check only one, I'd suggest the one in my second reply.If you do try them, I'd love to hear what you think & if you have any questions at all about them, please ask me. I've been using the methods for quite some time.
They help me through my day quite frequently.
In fact I'm feeling pretty badly today & am just going to do some TAT & EFT now!!
luv, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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