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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 13:27:06
It's gray out ... and brown as in grass & tree branches.
I've been sitting at the computer for hours, which is usually an indicator that I'm not doing great.
:-((
I hope others are doing better.
Kath
Posted by Phil on April 2, 2007, at 14:23:31
In reply to Feeling sorta down, posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 13:27:06
I figure it's Monday and I'm supposed to be down. It's a job requirement.
Hope you get to feeling better, Kath.
Phil
Posted by Gee on April 2, 2007, at 15:33:10
In reply to Feeling sorta down, posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 13:27:06
All last week it was 20 degrees (C) and sunny, and the birds were chirping and all that fun stuff. Yesterday I woke up to snow. It has been snowing on and off all day yesterday and today :-S How does it go from +20 to -5 in one night?
I hope you're weather is at least sorta nice -- well no snow nice.
I hope you feel better!
Posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 17:03:52
In reply to Re: Feeling sorta down » Kath, posted by Gee on April 2, 2007, at 15:33:10
It feels nice to check in here & read your posts!!
I smiled at the Monday requirement!!! Yes, I guess Mondays aren't the most cheerful day!
It's not snowy here. It's hovering around 11 degrees, so it's not terribly cold, but it was in the mid to high teens (not 20!!!!) so having it get colder is hard. From 20 to snow is a shocker alright.
Flowers are coming out though. I have snowdrops, some pretty small yellow daisy type flowers & some dark purply blue ones are starting to pop up; just buds at this point. I think they're called scilla.I'm feeling confused at my emotions. Just talked with my son. His GF, is still in BC & had kept putting off coming back. She'd promised to be back for his birthday Mar 31st. For a few days the number he had for her out there was out of service. Then she text-messaged him her new number. When he called she still wasn't coming back. She's been on again/off again & really (in my opinion) messing around with his head.
ANYway, today she again text messaged him NOT to call her. He's been calling her daily....said to me that he hasn't been able to let go. So he did call her & she said that she loves A (the 'friend' she went back to see).
SO - the confusing part is this:
She's been doing crystal meth. I had WANTED her to say something so mean to my son that would help him let go.
So now she's saying don't call, I love this other guy. And now I'm FURIOUS!!!!
I generally think of myself as a nice person. Here I'm feeling Fury & Hate & Anger!!!
Yet I WANTED her to end it!!! ???
Maybe I'm feeling the anger at her that she messed around with him for so long & then finally said it's over??
I also suspect that part of my feelings are triggered about my ex leaving me. There was a parallel in that he was on again/off again.
Anyway, I suppose the good thing is that hopefully now my son will be able to start going forward in his life instead of obsessing about her coming back.
Tomorrow I go to see a doctor (medical doc) who does therapy & it's covered by OHIP. I'm REALLY excited. I feel like I really need once a week therapy. So many feelings are being stirred up due to my son's situation. This doc has a waiting list of almost 2 years!!! I hope I like her & I hope she's good!
Kath
Posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2007, at 21:53:43
In reply to Thanks P + G/ Son's GF finally says NO/new doc, posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 17:03:52
Kath I hope so too. No one is as nice as you are. You deserve the very best. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 0:11:08
In reply to Feeling sorta down, posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 13:27:06
((((((Kath)))))))
I hope you feel better soon. I'll send some sunshine your way.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2007, at 11:51:25
In reply to Re: Feeling sorta down » Kath, posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 0:11:08
Kath are you feeling better today? Love Phillipa
Posted by fayeroe on April 3, 2007, at 17:26:16
In reply to Feeling sorta down, posted by Kath on April 2, 2007, at 13:27:06
i hope your day was much better today...........pat
Posted by Kath on April 3, 2007, at 21:26:38
In reply to Re: Feeling sorta down » Kath, posted by fayeroe on April 3, 2007, at 17:26:16
Oh dear - the doctor was interesting. I'm tired so will post about it another time.
BAD DAY though. My son withdrew $360 from his bank & spent all but $90. Didn't want to say on what, but I have my fears. He said, when I phoned him & asked him (I have access to the account & felt I should check it!) "Yeah I know; I really screwed up but nobody knows how messed up I am about all this"
Oh jeez. I know he'd been drinking but I think he might have bought something else. He sounded not himself; a bit confrontational.
I have a phonecall in to his caseworker.
The money was supposed to go to lend to his roommate, who doesn't have this month's rent. He used my son's first (for April) & last month's rent a few weeks ago for his March rent.
Friend is out of work & got taken off social assistance so there's no $ coming.
Oh boy. I'm sorta looking at - hey; my son's an addict. NOT fun. terrifying.
Thanks everyone for being so nice & so very caring & supportive. I truly appreciate it. And you know it DOES help!
I send you all good wishes back. Thank you.
luv, Kath
I think I'll be able to sleep; I'm so tired.
K
Posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 7:51:49
In reply to You guys are so sweet!!!, posted by Kath on April 3, 2007, at 21:26:38
Trying to do lots of deep breaths & know that this is just ONE DAY in my life/ one day in my son's life.
I'm feeling really scared for him. During the night it felt more like terrified.
Kath
Posted by scratchpad on April 4, 2007, at 8:10:04
In reply to A worrying day as per previous post, posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 7:51:49
Kath, I really feel for you and your fears for your son's wellbeing. There are growing concerns in our household for my step daughter, and I'm struggling to keep my words and actions non-co-dependent. (Now that's a word for you!) Makes it more interesting as I'm still in the infancy of my own sobriety.
I do find myself wishing that someone had noticed what was going on in my own life when I was my step daughter's age. That you are able to be so supportive of your son says so much about your love for him. ((((Kath))))
I ordered a new copy of "Codependent No More" as I'd long ago passed mine on to another. I haven't read it for many years, and I know that it will have wise words for both myself and my husband. Have you read it at all?
Take care of yourself,
sp
Posted by Fivefires on April 4, 2007, at 17:39:59
In reply to A worrying day as per previous post, posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 7:51:49
One of my children is 'my love child'. U know who I'm talkin' about Kath'. I thought I'd just die if anything was going wrong in her life. Still there is such a strong connection w/ her, I've 'explained it' to my other daughter. I'm right there w/ ya' Kath. I pray for this one always.
Ya' know, astrologically, at least, this is a hard time; a week in hx when a very good person was plotted against by his friends. I feel as if everything is a 'harder' this week. Some of u laugh @ me I guess, but 'I feel it'. It's like everything is 'heavier'.
And then, after Easter; some can feel and say this is the first day of the rest of my life.
Things will get better for him and for her.
hugs2u, 5f
Posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 21:02:37
In reply to Re: A worrying day as per previous post » Kath, posted by scratchpad on April 4, 2007, at 8:10:04
Thanks SP.
Congrats in your sobriety.
My son is a BIG challenge for me in my "co-dependency" sobriety!!!!!
I went to CoDependents Anonymous for almost 4 years then the group stopped holding meetings. it was extremely helpful & while I haven't read that book, I certainly have heard of Melody Beattie & love her book of daily readings - "Language of Letting Go".
My son & I have a meeting with his case worker tomorrow. I want to set some boundaries in place (that I need to keep mentally healthy). I want to be 'there for him' as a support person, but not feeling like I have to be there for him right when he calls. I tend to put my life on hold & feel really mean if, for example he calls & says "I'm feeling really down & wondered if you wanna go for a coffee Mom". YIKES - it's hard to say no to THAT one!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel mean, like I'm failing him etc. So I want to discuss that whole issue tomorrow.
I hope all goes well in your family. I think more is known about these type of problems today - or maybe it's that things are more out in the open.
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 21:04:37
In reply to Re: A worrying day as per previous post, posted by Fivefires on April 4, 2007, at 17:39:59
Thanks FF - I appreciate your support.
I find any 'holiday' - or special time difficult if things are going not well. It makes it worse.
I send hugs, Kath
Posted by zenhussy on April 5, 2007, at 13:22:26
In reply to Re: A worrying day as per previous post » scratchpad, posted by Kath on April 4, 2007, at 21:02:37
>>> My son is a BIG challenge for me in my "co-dependency" sobriety!!!!!<<<
but you are doing it! recognize your tiny victories daily.>>> I went to CoDependents Anonymous for almost 4 years then the group stopped holding meetings. it was extremely helpful & while I haven't read that book, I certainly have heard of Melody Beattie & love her book of daily readings - "Language of Letting Go".<<<
sounds like seeking out some support of this nature again would be good at this time.
>>> My son & I have a meeting with his case worker tomorrow. I want to set some boundaries in place (that I need to keep mentally healthy). I want to be 'there for him' as a support person, but not feeling like I have to be there for him right when he calls. I tend to put my life on hold & feel really mean if, for example he calls & says "I'm feeling really down & wondered if you wanna go for a coffee Mom". YIKES - it's hard to say no to THAT one!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel mean, like I'm failing him etc. So I want to discuss that whole issue tomorrow.<<<
he's so lucky to have you as his mother. that you're going to his caseworker appt with him and involved but also wise enough to recognize "I need to keep mentally healthy". these are familiar waters to you it sounds like and you're stronger each time as you know more than you did the previous go round.
as many big books say...one day at a time. breathe. and show yourself some compassion during this time of supporting another while not ignoring your own needs.
he's very blessed to have such a smart ma who can stick to her guns. sending you strength Kath.
Posted by Kath on April 5, 2007, at 15:58:16
In reply to Re: A worrying day as per previous post » Kath, posted by zenhussy on April 5, 2007, at 13:22:26
> >>> My son is a BIG challenge for me in my "co-dependency" sobriety!!!!!<<<
>
>
> but you are doing it! recognize your tiny victories daily.*********thanks. I will keep it in mind to recognize them!!******
> sounds like seeking out some support of this nature again would be good at this time.***********I'm going to a Nar-Anon meeting Sunday night. I went to a couple years ago & they were excellent. It really looks like I'm going to need that specific kind of support (for families or friends of people who have problems with drugs). I'm looking forward to that support. I think I'll try to get a 'sponsor' who's had some years of experience.********
>
> he's so lucky to have you as his mother. that you're going to his caseworker appt with him and involved but also wise enough to recognize "I need to keep mentally healthy". these are familiar waters to you it sounds like and you're stronger each time as you know more than you did the previous go round.****Thanks. I guess you're right. I feel like shouting at God or the Universe or Who/Whatever & saying "OK -OK - I've had enough now!!!! I don't need to get stronger or wiser or ANYthing. I want it to STOP, please!" I'm actually feeling pretty calm right now, but I wasn't earlier.
I went over to pick up my son for the appointment & after much knocking at the door, he answered. He looked awful. Red puffy eyes, totally zonked. He said "what appointment?" He said he was too tired to go; that he needed to sleep. He looked pretty darned rough. Anyway, I went in & tried to see if I could talk him into sleeping a bit & then coming for the second half or something. But no. While in his room, (which was a mess, but that's nothing new) - there was a large dinner plate on the floor & a razor blade, so I suspect he'd been doing cocaine. :-(
Anyway I went by myself to the appointment & it was very good. His worker is so very supportive & we talked about all the details & I came up with a "I won't" list & an "I am willing to" list to help me set some healthier boundaries for me.I am concerned about that his friend doesn't have the April rent. BUT - I have to know that that's not MY problem. Partly I'm mad & I do better when I'm mad! Makes it easier for me to sorta "write off" my son....which isn't really writing him off at all, but just being teed off & not wanting to think about him & about his stuff. Jeez. I think there's a long hard road ahead. Who knows what it is. There is such a LONG history with this kid!!! (NOT kid - 23).
He's been on the street various times; the most recent in July/August. Maybe he'll end up there again. It is SO horrendous when that happens. I'm glad I'm going to be going to the Nar Anon meeting.*********> he's very blessed to have such a smart ma who can stick to her guns. sending you strength Kath.
******Thanks!!! I hope I can stick to my guns. I feel like I can right now & I must NOT go fast forwarding to him on the streets!!!!!
You're right one day at a time & if necessary, one minute at a time. I'm not there at all right now. He's got an apartment. The times I have found hardest are when he's out on the streets.I truly appreciate your nice comments, support & caring.
How are you doing yourself?
hugs, Kath
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