![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 21 to 45 of 56. Go back in thread:
Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:18:24
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 19:30:42
Deneb, the therapist I had during college gave me some good advice when I fretted to no end over my mother's meddling, threats, and advice: "Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none". She suggested that when my mother raged at me, to calmly listen, and instead of arguing, just say, "oh- very interesting. oh, I see. oh, I'll think about it..." etc. Before you know it, the anger is diffused, because you're not fueling it. Does that make sense? So you take the fun out of the threats and any yelling. Your mother may think that what you are doing measn you've ruined college, and it means so much to her she's trying maybe to convince you, too? But we'd like to convince you otherwise. Eventually, if you stick to believing your mission, there will be a glorious time where she will actually be sheepishly pleased to find that she was quite wrong. It really does sound like she badly wants the best for you, no matter how she's expressing. She's probably expressing herself the way she learned to. If she didn't care at all, would she not ignore you, not care what you do? I think it's hard for a college age person to live at home. Any hope to look forward to a dorm? Maybe you can petition for a single room, if you like. I got one easily at my large public uni- because my psychiatrist wrote a note saying I needed it for my mental health! That way, in the dorm, you'd spend more time with peers, and it could help ease the separation with mom. AND, dorms are pretty supervised, which should soothe apprehensions your mom might have. And they can be so fun and sociable! I think you might like it.
Posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:20:07
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 22:11:54
> I'm going to sleep now. Hopefully when I wake up things will be better. I love sleep. Peaceful, restful sleep. No stress. Just sleep.
It's often a great thing to do. Sleep well, Deneb.
Posted by Gee on January 23, 2007, at 22:41:25
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined, posted by Deneb on January 23, 2007, at 22:11:54
If I were you, I would go to community college. I really don't think it'll be all that different from University, and you're courses will transfer back over to uni after one year. Why not start as a pharmtec? And I don't understand why you're not doing it just because your mom doesn't think it's a good idea... when did that stop you before? Plus, you only need 6 more classes!!!!!! YOU are so close to being done! Dont' let this stop you!
Posted by Phillipa on January 23, 2007, at 22:46:42
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined » Deneb, posted by Gee on January 23, 2007, at 22:41:25
I agree try Community College for the rest of the year as you say you do better in a stuctured enviorment which you say is there. Sleep well you'll feel better tomorrow. Love Phillipa
Posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:36:03
In reply to Re: Please tell me my life isn't ruined *triggers* » Deneb, posted by laima on January 23, 2007, at 22:18:24
""Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none"."
That's an awesome quote - sage advice in a situation like that.
Posted by laima on January 24, 2007, at 9:08:56
In reply to hey laima -, posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 7:36:03
> ""Remember, she doesn't get two lives and you none"."
>
> That's an awesome quote - sage advice in a situation like that.That was a gem from a therapist I adored! I never forgot it, thought it over many times over the years, since. Some background- she postulated that my mom cared SO much in her own way, that she sort of wanted to mold me up into the way she would do things...if that makes sense. She decided what was best, per her, and would stop at nothing to ensure I turned out "best". She wasn't comfortable with daughter being separate and autonomous being. She took personally everything daughter did, experienced...as if it reflected on HER. She wanted to make the decisions, the selections, have control over image, clothing, everything. I was her project, in a way. That leads into why I hypothesise a modest move, like into a dorm, might not be beneficial for Deneb, as it was for me. Helps moms get used to idea of normal and age appropriate separation, too.
Posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 9:49:42
In reply to Re: hey laima - » one woman cine, posted by laima on January 24, 2007, at 9:08:56
It's funny how good advice sticks in your mind - it does for me too....
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 15:32:52
In reply to Re: hey laima -, posted by one woman cine on January 24, 2007, at 9:49:42
My Mom is worried about me and she has reason to be worried. She came into my room last night and told me to not think about things too much. My Dad just came to me and asked me if I was happy and wouldn't leave me alone until I said Yes.
I have a quiz tomorrow and I haven't started studying for it.
I just found out my Mom didn't get rid of the aspirin I bought.
I don't want to deal with life anymore.
I wish my Dad had to work today.
Posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 16:05:00
In reply to My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 15:32:52
> My Mom is worried about me and she has reason to be worried. She came into my room last night and told me to not think about things too much. My Dad just came to me and asked me if I was happy and wouldn't leave me alone until I said Yes.
>
> I have a quiz tomorrow and I haven't started studying for it.********Sorry you're stressed Deneb. Are there any fellow-students who you might study with? Just wondered if there's anyone who you might ask each other questions back & forth.
Sounds like your parents love you, care about you & really want you to feel better. I think that we human beings can find it really awkward to know how to help those we love feel better. Some of us are better at it than others. I know that I can speak as a parent who is really scared for my son's well-being. Sometimes I don't know what to say to him or 'how to be' with him..I'm afraid I'll say something that will make him feel worse. What I'm hearing is that your parents really do care. I bet that, in itself, could make a person feel pretty stressed *****
> I just found out my Mom didn't get rid of the aspirin I bought.
******How does that make you feel? Maybe she just kept them in case someone gets a headache so they can be used in the intended way?*****
> I don't want to deal with life anymore.
>
> I wish my Dad had to work today.
*****I hear ya. I'm sorry you're feeling awful. I admire that you're doing school....I don't think I possibly could. High school was all I could take!!!
I think that: 'I don't want to deal with life anymore' is a perfectly suitable reason to call your Distress Line if you want to. They're there for those of us who have feelings that we just CANNOT or DON'T WANT to cope any more, as well as people who are just generally feeling pretty upset.(((((((((you))))))))) If you're feeling badly, I hope you give it a try. Let me know, if you do. I found it helped me. Sometimes more than others, but always it helped somewhat.
I send love, Kath
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:04:26
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 16:05:00
(((((((((((Kath))))))))))))
thanks for writing to me. You make me feel less alone.
I just took a bath to forget my troubles. I feel a little better.
((((((((((((((Babblers))))))))))))))))
I can't deal with life right now. I'm going to shut down for a while. I'm going to OD tomorrow. I can't deal right now. I can't deal with life. If I die, I'll die, if I don't, I don't.
((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))
I need to escape life right now.
Posted by anneke06 on January 24, 2007, at 17:17:54
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:04:26
Deneb,
We've chatted a few times in chat...don't get there that often and don't post that often, but I've been reading your posts and wanted to respond.
Sometimes I have what my therapist and I call an "hour by hour" kind of day, and sometimes even "minute by minute" kind of days. I've not been suicidal, but I do deal with strong urges to hurt myself. It sounds to me like you've been having a lot of "hour by hour" days...I hope you can keep reaching out to Babblers or to your family or to your p-doc or to a crisis line or to your bubble bath (!) for help. All of those things are really, really good. Other things that help me are journaling, drawing, hot chocolate, talking to friends (not about how I'm feeling necessarily, but just connecting somehow with someone), e-mailing or calling my therapist (it's really OK with a lot them...you might want to check that out with yours), eating comfort foods (my favorite is potato soup...go figure!), and just curling up in a soft blanket and letting myself "be". My t is also fond of reminding me that feelings just are...and if we give them a little time and space, they'll pass away.
I don't know if any of this seems helpful, but I hope it lets you know you're not alone in your struggles.
When do you see your p-doc/therapist next? I hope you'll let her know how badly you're feeling right now...maybe your meds needs some tweaking??
Hang in there....
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:31:38
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger* » Deneb, posted by anneke06 on January 24, 2007, at 17:17:54
Thanks for your reply Anneke
I just saw my pdoc yesterday. She made me feel worse. She was disappointed in me. I could tell by her voice and the way she looked at me. She was disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself. I've ruined my life.
thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try to do nice things for myself. I think I'll go eat something i like and reply to people on the boards.
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 18:49:56
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:31:38
I really want to OD right now. I'm not OK. I'm going to call the Distress Centre.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2007, at 18:55:07
In reply to Re: I'm not ok, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 18:49:56
> I really want to OD right now. I'm not OK. I'm going to call the Distress Centre.
Deneb, I'm right here, online. Do you want to call now and tell me what happens? Pretend that I am holding your hand, OK?
ClearSkies
Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2007, at 18:56:58
In reply to Re: I'm not ok » Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2007, at 18:55:07
Posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 19:20:58
In reply to Re: I'm not ok, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 18:49:56
Good plan to phone, Deneb - I know that was a while ago.
I hope you're feeling better by now.
luv, Kath
PS - remember you're the caretaker for the various parts of your body hunny. Think of them as your children, maybe - (I dunno, that may be too weird) - but they need you to take care of them...your liver, your kidneys, your bowels, your brain - they're just your poor helpless organs & they need you to take care of them. Putting too much medication into your body is going to hurt them & that ain't fair!!
We folks who care about you want you to feel better & want you to be alive & well, to continue sharing the journey of life with us!
You're in my thoughts, :-) Kath
Posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 22:40:54
In reply to Re: I'm not ok » Deneb, posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 19:20:58
I told my parents. The nurse I called told me to go to the ER. My Mom is afraid I will be locked up. She doesn't want me to go to the ER.
My Dad is taking me to the ER now.
Posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2007, at 22:56:50
In reply to Re: I'm not ok, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 22:40:54
Deneb good luck and you're doing the right thing. Let us know how things are going. Love You Phillipa
Posted by gardenergirl on January 25, 2007, at 0:08:02
In reply to Re: I'm not ok, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 22:40:54
I'm glad you told your parents.
Thinking of you...
(((((Deneb)))))
namaste
gg
Posted by Larry Hoover on January 25, 2007, at 6:17:21
In reply to Re: I'm not ok, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 22:40:54
> I told my parents. The nurse I called told me to go to the ER. My Mom is afraid I will be locked up. She doesn't want me to go to the ER.
>
> My Dad is taking me to the ER now.I'm relieved. Whatever follows is a natural consequence of your decisions, Deneb. I hope this spurs you to develop more adaptive coping strategies.
Take care,
Lar
Posted by Deneb on January 25, 2007, at 7:09:40
In reply to Re: I'm not ok » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on January 25, 2007, at 6:17:21
I didn't sleep one wink tonight, neither did my parents. My Mom really didn't want me to go to the ER. She was afraid I would be locked up again. She encouraged me to not go to the ER, but I was afraid after I called Telehealth Onntario and the nurse told me to go to the ER. My Mom was crying soooo much. She kept saying she must have done something horrible in a past life and she kept saying they would lock me up forever this time. She said being locked up was a fate worse than death.
My Dad wasn't afraid of me getting locked up. He just wanted to make sure I was OK and was going to take me to the ER regardless of what my Mom said. I must say I'm quite perplexed that my Mom would think being locked up was a fate worse than death. Being locked up is no fun, but it's not a horrible experience.
My Mom told me to lie and say that I accidentally took too much aspirin because I had a headache. She decided to take me to the Civic Hospital instead of the General because I got locked up at the General before and she was hoping the hospitals don't share information. She wanted to make sure I didn't get locked up this time. She told me to lie and say I'd never OD'd before. She was quite adamant that I lie and convince the doctors that I'm perfectly fine. Yes she is that afraid of me being locked up.
I didn't lie when they asked me questions. I told them the complete truth. At the hospital I just got some IV fluids. They took my ASA levels. I was a 2.7 something units. I stayed the night. The took my ASA levels another time. I left at 7 am. I don't think I should have gone to the hospital. I wasn't sick. They didn't give me anything but fluids. I'm sure I would have been OK without them. My ears are still ringing right now, but I must be OK because they let me go.
It was very simple. They just let me go. I didn't need to see a pdoc or anything.
I won't OD again. I don't want to damage myself anymore. My Mom was really really upset.
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 25, 2007, at 7:54:14
In reply to Back from the ER, posted by Deneb on January 25, 2007, at 7:09:40
Funnily enough, I didn't get much sleep last night either.
Please, never EVER behave as you did in babble chat last night.
Nikki
Posted by anneke06 on January 25, 2007, at 8:04:19
In reply to Back from the ER, posted by Deneb on January 25, 2007, at 7:09:40
I'm glad you're OK....but don't underestimate the benefit of receiving IV fluids...it could have saved your body some serious damage. It's not "nothing".
I hope you'll call your own Pdoc today and let her know what happened last night...how you were feeling, what you did, etc. Maybe your meds need to be adjusted to help you feel better.
Hope you have a restful day....
Posted by laima on January 25, 2007, at 9:47:09
In reply to Re: My Mom is worried about me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on January 24, 2007, at 17:31:38
This sounds unexcusable on the part of this pdoc. Does anyone else not think so? And no, life NOT ruined! Hardly.> I just saw my pdoc yesterday. She made me feel worse. She was disappointed in me. I could tell by her voice and the way she looked at me. She was disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself. I've ruined my life.
>
> thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try to do nice things for myself. I think I'll go eat something i like and reply to people on the boards.
Posted by Dinah on January 25, 2007, at 11:27:01
In reply to Back from the ER, posted by Deneb on January 25, 2007, at 7:09:40
I'm glad you went to the ER and were treated. I'm sure if they gave you fluids, there was a good reason for it.
I'm guessing the hospital knew you already had a pdoc from your intake forms? And you tell her everything from what I understand. So not sending you to a pdoc doesn't mean they didn't take you or the situation seriously.
Your father sounded very sensible, I think. Maybe he'd be a better person to discuss your schooling options with than your mom?
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.