Psycho-Babble Social Thread 724995

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th

Posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

He's doing way better. Has been allowed 6-hour passes out of the hospital...went 'home' to his & GF's apartment - amazing because it was such a trigger!!!

Still hearing voices but trying to not pay attention. It's a bit over a week & a half since his weed-induced BIG backslide, so I'm telling him to try to be patient & don't give up hope.

I'll post more tomorrow.

Kath

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Phillipa on January 21, 2007, at 21:31:55

In reply to Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

Kath so glad to hear he's doing well. Wow that fast for a pass. And he's wise to try and ignore the voices. Sounds like he has a good pdoc and therapist. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2007, at 9:13:31

In reply to Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

That sounds very encouraging, Kath.

I hope you make sure to take care of yourself too.

Dinah

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Poet on January 22, 2007, at 11:05:09

In reply to Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

Hi Kath,

This is wonderful news. I think that he went *home* to his apartment shows how much stronger he is that it didn't trigger him.

I'm waiting for your update.

Poet

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th

Posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 11:32:46

In reply to Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

Thx Phillipa & Dinah,

My BIG challenge now is certainly to take care of myself.

I HAVE to try to be detached. I'm anxious right now & think that will be the case until I know that he's contacted the Canadian Mental Health Association to do the final 'contact' for a program called HOPE - Helping Overcome Psychosis Early. I sounds like the perfect program for him & I've spoken with the intake worker on the phone & have given her all the information/history, etc. All that remains is for my son to talk with her on the phone. Last nite I was stressing about it so I left a message on my son's hospital Social Worker's phone. I said I was anxious because nothing is in place in the way of support; monitoring of meds, etc & that I'm afraid my son will say he'll do it when he gets back here, because it would probably not happen!

I am feeling pretty fed-up & I guess worn-out & worn-down from all the years of trying to help my son.

It's sorta ironic, because all those years, he probably mostly didn't WANT help....and now that he does, I've sort of 'had it' with helping.

I guess the way I'm looking at it is that I've done this helping in setting up certain supports, etc. It's now up to him to accept them.

The problem is that as his Mom, I can't help but be affected big-time by all this.

Dinah, last nite on BabbleChat you asked if I was OK & I was doing OK last night (that was after I'd left the message for the social worker). I now realize that as the 28th gets closer, I'm probably going to feel more stressed. I guess I just have to know that & accept it!

Oh well. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, so that's good.

:-) Kath

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Poet

Posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 13:24:19

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath, posted by Poet on January 22, 2007, at 11:05:09

Hi Poet,

yes; I haven't asked him recently where he's 'at' about he & his GF being "in danger" from others.

The best it had been in the past was that he knew the voices weren't real now & he said that "yeah; I know I'm crazy right now" - but that the 'original' voices he'd heard out the window & under the door were real & they'd made him go crazy (affectionate puzzled grin from me - I can do that now that he's doing so much better!!!!)

The anti-psychotics are obviously helping!!

I'll put an update when there's anything to put!

hugs, Kath

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2007, at 14:03:54

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 11:32:46

Therapy is a good way to take care of yourself. Maybe you can line up some others in the next week. It sounds as if you're familiar with the system. Do they have any supports in place for family?

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Gee on January 22, 2007, at 15:55:25

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Poet, posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 13:24:19

Kath, I can see how hard it is on you being his parent. I just wanted to say, don't give up on helping him. I've never been at the point where he is or was now, and I hope I never am, but I must not have been easy on my mom, even just a year or two ago. But, I know if she stopped trying to help, I would feel so much worse. And I know, that as I am growing up, I am seeing more and more of what my mom is doing, as her way of caring, and worrying. And I'm sure that your son is seeing that too, and it is good that he wants to be better. Thanks for your posts. It has helped me see my mom in a different way.

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Gee

Posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 16:43:54

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath, posted by Gee on January 22, 2007, at 15:55:25

Dear Gee

I'm typing through a haze of tears!!!!!!

Thank you so much for writing this. Thank you so very much. I'm going to answer 'through' your post between *******marks*********

> Kath, I can see how hard it is on you being his parent. I just wanted to say, don't give up on helping him.
********* Tears #1 That's sort of what his psychiatrist out at the hospital said when I spoke with him. He sorta said, for the people who care about him - that until any of us our perfect, we have to know how hard it is going to be for him at 22 to completely change his life & that he may end up 'hitting his head against a brick wall' a couple of times before he 'gets it'. Well he's already hit it once when he smoked the roach & got instantly flipped back bigtime into the psychosis. I hope he doesn't have to go through that again. Anyway, thanks for saying that to me. I'm probably going print out your post & put it in my purse to read in moments of overwhelmedness (word or no?)********

I've never been at the point where he is or was now, and I hope I never am, but I must not have been easy on my mom, even just a year or two ago.
****How old are you now?*******

But, I know if she stopped trying to help, I would feel so much worse. And I know, that as I am growing up, I am seeing more and more of what my mom is doing, as her way of caring, and worrying. And I'm sure that your son is seeing that too, and it is good that he wants to be better.
******actually, when my son was suicidal he was saying that he had been such a bad son. I was in such shock that I can't even remember what I said, but I probably just said something like "HEY, don't even think about that stuff. You weren't a bad son & I'm proud of the person who you are inside." or something......all the stuff that's 'gone down' has been bad enough without him feeling guilty about it, as guilt is a useless emotion in my opinion. Regret maybe, but not guilt.*****

Thanks for your posts. It has helped me see my mom in a different way.

********** Tears #2 Thanks Gee. Sometimes I feel that I blab on & on in my posts & people must get sick of them. This is so special for me to hear!!!
You seem like a very sensitive & caring person & even though you & your mom might have been through some difficult times, I bet she's proud of you too!

I send you a nice hug (I can hardly wait to hug my son in person on the 28th!!)

luv, Kath****

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Deneb on January 22, 2007, at 17:02:04

In reply to Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Kath on January 21, 2007, at 21:20:32

I'm glad you're going to see your son soon. I know you were awfully worried about him. It's great that he's doing much better.

Deneb*

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Dinah

Posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 17:05:10

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2007, at 14:03:54

> Therapy is a good way to take care of yourself. Maybe you can line up some others in the next week. It sounds as if you're familiar with the system. Do they have any supports in place for family?

Hi Dinah,

I first want to say that I felt very supported & cared about by you last night on BabbleChat. I felt like you really wanted to check out if I was OK before I left. Thank you for that!!

I'm fortunate in that my husband's work has an EAP (employee assistance program) in place. If there's a crisis or something really stressing-out a family member, you just phone a number, tell them what's going on & they assign you a therapist for short-term counselling...6 to 8 sessions. You can request the same therapist in the future if you like, so there's the continuity. They phone the therapist, who calls you back to arrange an appointment. They also have a therapist available either right then on the phone, or they'll call you back shortly to help you over the phone while you wait for your appointment. It's a wonderful service & it's been very helpful for me in the past.

So I have my second appointment with the T tomorrow for this particular 'crisis'!!

My family doctor is also a tremendously good resource. He's been through all the years with us, & knows us all & the family 'dynamic', so he's a wonderful source of support. So in that way, there's support in place. My husband isn't a 'going for therapy' type of person, but he knows it's there if he needed it.

As to all the assistance for my son - I didn't know about that until this recent problem. In Ontario we have a Crisis Line called 310-COPE - that's the telephone # 310-2673 & they're really good. And BOY - have I called them alot!!!
One time recently I called about my son & the lady said "Oh - I think we've talked before, didn't your son go out to BC in the summer?" Somehow it was reassuring to have her 'know me'!!

Anyway, 310-COPE was very helpful in giving me the phone numbers of the various agencies etc who might be helpful. It was great.

How are you doing Dinah? How's your son? And how are things with your husband?

Thank you for your ongoing support & I send you a hug. love, Kath

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th

Posted by Gee on January 22, 2007, at 18:20:52

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Gee, posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 16:43:54

I'm 21, and I know it will be hard for you son to change his life. It's not easy. All I want to do is be like everyone else, but I've learned I've gotta look out for my health first off. I'm glad that you're looking forward to your son coming home. He's lucky to have a mom who cares about him so much!!!!!

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath

Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 10:32:09

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Dinah, posted by Kath on January 22, 2007, at 17:05:10

Thank you, Kath! That really gave me a warm feeling inside.

Husband and son are well. My son is so happy with his friends this year, so happy that I feel a bit sorry for his teacher. :)

I've got two seventeen year old dogs that are doing very poorly, and costing me a fortune. I'm intellectually opposed to spending thousands of dollars (between the two of them) to keep them alive a few weeks more. (Neither one appear to be in pain.) But I'm completely unable to follow through with refusing to spend it, so it's putting me in serious financial problems, at least short term.

Soooo... I'd better get to work.

 

Bad Mother Syndrome..................

Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 15:02:44

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th, posted by Gee on January 22, 2007, at 18:20:52

> I'm 21, and I know it will be hard for you son to change his life. It's not easy. All I want to do is be like everyone else, but I've learned I've gotta look out for my health first off. I'm glad that you're looking forward to your son coming home. He's lucky to have a mom who cares about him so much!!!!!

Deneb - thanks for your support! I hope you're feeling better than you were. In fact I hope you're feeling GREAT!!! ((((((((you)))))))))

Hi Gee - Yup - I don't even know HOW he's going to change his life!!! I think the best way would be to go to Narcotics Anonymous to meet some folks who might have been through similar stuff; at least that might help him not feel as isolated as I think he's probably going to feel!

Thanks for saying he's lucky to having me as a mom. Today I while having my naturopathic appointment at the School of Naturopathy, the intern was massaging my shoulders & we were trying to figure out some feelings I was having also & in reply to "why don't you think you deserve to be happy?" I BURST into tears & said, "I must be a really bad mother for my son to be so messed up!" & cried & cried. The crying was therapeutic & part of me knows I AM a good mom - supportive, loving, caring etc. I guess another part of me questions it.

Maybe part of being a mother IS thinking we're not good ones!!

Thx for the ongoing support. It means alot & it's nice to have the input from a 21-yr-old guy!

:-)) Kath

 

Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Dinah

Posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 15:07:44

In reply to Re: Son coming back to Ontario Sunday Jan 28th » Kath, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2007, at 10:32:09

Hi Dinah,

I'm so glad your son likes his friends. It means SO much!!

Sorry about your doggies. Vet bills are so very expensive. Having older animals & having to make those decisions is really hard, I think.

luv, Kath

 

Re: Bad Mother Syndrome.................. » Kath

Posted by Gee on January 24, 2007, at 11:43:51

In reply to Bad Mother Syndrome.................., posted by Kath on January 23, 2007, at 15:02:44

I'm a girl.... He'll figure it out with your help, and the help from everyone one around him.

 

Re: Bad Mother Syndrome.................. » Gee

Posted by Kath on January 24, 2007, at 12:16:37

In reply to Re: Bad Mother Syndrome.................. » Kath, posted by Gee on January 24, 2007, at 11:43:51

Thx Gee - I have no idea why I thot you were a guy!!! ****blush***** sorry!

Yes, you're right - he will figure it out. I've just been reading another 'thread'. I'm glad I'm not the type of mom talked about there, who views their child as an extension of themselves that they can sculpt & form into what THEY think is right. At least I've got that going for me - OK in that department. NOW I have to try to get it through my noggin that even though he sounds like a lost kid, he's an adult & can ASK for help if he needs it!

take care Gee. :-) Kath


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