![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 19:55:06
I went to myspace, and just for fun looked up people who I went to school with during the 8th and 9th grade. It was in the city where I live now - I've lived many other places since then. The first person to pop up was a girl I was best friends with from middle school until my mid-twenties. She was a very dominant person, and with my then people pleaser personality the relationship just turned into a passive aggresive mess. The first time I ever really stood up for myself was when I cut her out of my life because she was toxic to me. It was the beginning of my taking control of my life.
Well, after some debate I sent her a message. She responded immediately saying she couldn't count the number of times she's tried to look me up. She now has 6 year old, went back to school and got her degree, and is living down the street from her mother. Every one of these things is completely opposite from her previous personality. So I think I'm going to try to tentively become friends again. She just sounds so different, and I'm so different that I know I would never let myself get into the position I was in before. The thing is, I've had so many problems with people lately that I've become a hermit and its hard to reach out.
I also came across a girl I hadn't seen since the 9th grade. We've been chatting back and forth a bit too. She's so sweet and seems exactly the same. The only difference is now she has a girlfriend! When I first read that all I could do was giggle. Then I was like, why am I acting like this, I don't care about that type of thing. Then I realized I had reverted to the 15 year old I was when we knew each other. I actually think it would be cool to have some lesbian friends. I like to be around open-minded free thinking type people.
The ironic thing is, I went to myspace because another friend of mine from high school (10-12 grade, different city) had contacted me on my myspace page that I had barely begun a lo-o-ong time ago and forgot about. We had lost touch for about 5 years. She also had spent a long time and alot of effort looking for me. I guess getting reconnected to her made me go look at myspace and see if I could find anyone else.
This encouraged me to call another old friend who had left me a message about a month or two ago. We worked together several years ago and she had finally left the place. We've very sporadically kept in touch since we worked together. She was really glad to hear from me.
So boom, I go from a complete hermit to talking to 4 old friends! Its kind of scary. I'm not completely ready to get out of my comfort zone, but I do know I want things to change. So send me vibes for strength to follow through. I don't want to end up on my deathbed regretting that I never tried to have more of a life.
-T
P.S. I also went to my first pilates class last night! I'm so sore!
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2006, at 20:17:25
In reply to Taking some baby steps, kinda scary., posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 19:55:06
Hey congrats on the Pilates it's really something that works. As far as friends from high school me only I would have doubts about doing but that's me. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 20:37:05
In reply to Re: Taking some baby steps, kinda scary. » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2006, at 20:17:25
I only feel leery about the one chic that I cut out of my life around 10 years ago. But I'm a different person now. I've often thought about how the 'me' now would never even CONSIDER putting up with the behavior I put up with from her way back then. Plus there's the difference in her. But I know to be careful.
The one I hadn't seen since 9th grade is practically a stranger, we just have that one connection to draw on. The other one lives 3 hours away, and has always been there for me. Its my fault we haven't been in touch.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2006, at 22:18:28
In reply to Re: Taking some baby steps, kinda scary. » Phillipa, posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 20:37:05
Well it should be very interesting to see what they are doing in life and who knows? A new friendship may result. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2006, at 5:07:30
In reply to Re: Taking some baby steps, kinda scary. » Phillipa, posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 20:37:05
Good for you Texas Chic - reconnection AND the opprtunity to renew a friendship on your own terms.
I think it is really neat, actually. I live far away from the place I went to school in, and often wonder who is where. But I don't even look for anyone.
CS
Posted by fayeroe on October 27, 2006, at 14:21:51
In reply to Taking some baby steps, kinda scary., posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 19:55:06
i think this is wonderful!!!!!
i'll try stepping out of my shell a bit this weekend.....due to your inspiring me.......pat
Posted by rainbutterfly on October 27, 2006, at 15:09:20
In reply to Taking some baby steps, kinda scary., posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 19:55:06
That's very cool Tex! I live far away from my childhood home. Anyway I enjoyed reading your post, thanks for sharing!! :-)
Positive vibes are headed your way! :-)
Posted by TexasChic on October 27, 2006, at 20:05:27
In reply to Re: Taking some baby steps, kinda scary. » TexasChic, posted by rainbutterfly on October 27, 2006, at 15:09:20
I still feel some anxiety about the whole thing. My used-to-be-ex-friend has already asked me to come over for dinner. I just have this somewhat irrational fear that if I reach out and make friends, then my life will no longer be my own. I really don't completely understand why I feel that way, it doesn't really make sense.
Thanks for everyone's well wishes. The past few years all my friends have been right here, and I really appreciate the support
-T.
Posted by TexasChic on October 27, 2006, at 21:57:36
In reply to Re: Taking some baby steps, kinda scary. » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2006, at 5:07:30
You know, I feel better about the situation after having contemplated yalls responses. This is an opportunity to do things right this time. If I don't allow someone to treat me badly, then they just can't. Before I let horrible behavior be acceptable, this time I know I won't. For one thing, I know I can be by myself and be alright, so there's no longer that fear of being alone. I told my non-ex-friend (I'm still trying to figure out a babble name for her) that this weekend was full, but maybe next weekend. That way I have the time to work up to it. That helped with the anxiety.
We never lived anywhere longer then 3 years when I was growing up. I'm now in the unique situation of living in the same area as one of those places. Its a big area, so reconnecting does take effort. I can't just plan to run into long lost friends somewhere. So looking these people up is a stepping stone to being more social. Maybe later I'll discover other ways.
-T
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.