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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llrrrpp on May 29, 2006, at 23:03:17
I don't think I've played violin so well in at least a year. Last fall it was chronic tendinitis. This spring it was depression and fatigue. Now ... NOW! I am back to jamming. The music happened. It flowed. It was felt. It was fluid. It was sweet, and tender, and strong, and strident. And when it needed to sound effortless, it did. When it was a love song, I could put love behind it. And when there was anger and darkness, I wasn't afraid to go there either. And the sentiments were pure and expressed with all the colors that I knew I possessed somewhere, once.
Posted by Deneb on May 29, 2006, at 23:08:04
In reply to espressivo, posted by llrrrpp on May 29, 2006, at 23:03:17
Wow llrrrp, that sounds amazing! I wish I could hear you play. You must be very talented.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on May 29, 2006, at 23:18:05
In reply to Re: espressivo » llrrrpp, posted by Deneb on May 29, 2006, at 23:08:04
And Deneb, keep in mind that this is a self-evaluation. I challenge you to find any violinist (any classical musician anywhere!) that is capable of evaluating his or her own performance in a positive light. Our ears are so sensitive to the flaws that we forget to listen for our talent. The contrast is that striking from even a week ago to tonight. Wow. The depression had really been handicapping me.
Thanks for your kindness and your hugs earlier
hugs for you too (((deneb))) Are you the entire constellation, or just one particular star?
Posted by MidnightBlue on May 30, 2006, at 0:24:55
In reply to espressivo, posted by llrrrpp on May 29, 2006, at 23:03:17
Bravo!MidnightBlue
> I don't think I've played violin so well in at least a year. Last fall it was chronic tendinitis. This spring it was depression and fatigue. Now ... NOW! I am back to jamming. The music happened. It flowed. It was felt. It was fluid. It was sweet, and tender, and strong, and strident. And when it needed to sound effortless, it did. When it was a love song, I could put love behind it. And when there was anger and darkness, I wasn't afraid to go there either. And the sentiments were pure and expressed with all the colors that I knew I possessed somewhere, once.
Posted by fairywings on May 30, 2006, at 14:38:25
In reply to espressivo, posted by llrrrpp on May 29, 2006, at 23:03:17
You sound very passionate about your playing. Wonderful to have something that moves you so deeply - sounds (no pun intended) like good therapy.
Our oldest daughter has played violin for 5 years - she is in love with her violin, so I'm hopeful it will be a lifelong pursuit.
fw
Posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 15:04:19
In reply to Re: espressivo » llrrrpp, posted by fairywings on May 30, 2006, at 14:38:25
Hi Fairywings,
I'm really lucky that it moved me. I was getting incredibly frustrated. First my arm was so broken with tendinitis that the slightest movement was painful for many months. Then, when my physical therapy kicked in, and I could engage my dominant hand without pain, I discovered that there was no joy in making music. There was no joy in anything (depression). And I had to think my way through a piece. crescendo here, vibrato there, blah blah blah. It's hard though. too much to pay attention to. It's much easier to let your heart lead, rather than your head. I think I was scared of letting my heart lead. I get really nervous, and self-critical. I know that the people sitting next to me can hear every note I play. I imagine that they are critical of me too, even though they may deny it. It felt like my heart was too error prone. And I learned to ignore it.Anyways, if you want to keep your daughter playing the violin, I have a few words for you to think about. The thing that has always kept me making music was the people I meet. I enjoy an evening of chamber music with friends. I love sitting in orchestra with an inspirational conductor sharing stories with us and helping us discover what we we are capable of doing. I love sitting in orchestra and mocking and cursing the less inspirational conductors behind their backs, and afterwards too, preferably at the pub night after rehearsal. And, I love the 'high' I get after a performance. I haven't felt the high in many moons, but I think... one of these days, I might get my groove back! It's more than the love of the instrument, or a love of the sound. It's the challenge of putting things together, and the enjoyment of sharing that challenge with people you would have never met otherwise (sounds a lot like psycho-babble, actually!) As long as there are fun and interesting people who enjoy your daughter's playing, she will probably keep up with it. Encourage her to make music with friends, and to turn music into a social activity, then it will be even more rewarding.
yours,
-ll
Posted by Phillipa on May 30, 2006, at 16:41:55
In reply to Re: espressivo » fairywings, posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 15:04:19
Did you take an antidepressant or is your music one? Love Phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 17:17:12
In reply to Re: espressivo » llrrrpp, posted by Phillipa on May 30, 2006, at 16:41:55
> Did you take an antidepressant or is your music one? Love Phillipa
I am on week 3 of cymbalta 60 mg. It is my first ever medication. I also take seroquel 25-50 mg for insomnia.
Music is both a depressant and an anti-depressant. When I want to feel poorly, it gives me plenty to beat myself up over. When I want to feel well... just read the very first post!
yours,
-ll
Posted by fairywings on May 30, 2006, at 23:54:02
In reply to Re: espressivo » fairywings, posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 15:04:19
Sounds really frustrating llrrpp. I do artwork and can't imagine the frustration of not being able to do it because of a physical problem. If I broke my arm or something, I think I'd want to do it even more than I normally do. It's like hurting your back and realizing all the things you you could do before you hurt your back....if that makes any sense.
Thanks for the encouragement - social part of it is big for my daughter too. She's already looking forward to a big trip to Europe with her orchestra, which is two years off. And I think she sees other people who play instruments as "her type of people". She was really bummed when her sister didn't want to play. (me too)
I'm glad you're finding joy in your music again.
fw
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