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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
I don't want to start something that will just poop out.
Linkadge
Posted by fairywings on August 21, 2005, at 17:52:36
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
i don't know how old you are link, and i know i've said this to you b4, but i've been there b4 too, and there are times i feel a bit that way, not so much so that i'd act on it, and not for any length of time anymore. but years ago i felt that way all the time. i don't know what happened, but it was like a reawakening, and in a short time i started to feel better and got my life back together. now it's a bit mixed up again, but not nearly as bad as it was back then. i do think that the meds can affect your system and get it all screwed up. i hope you can get to the point where you don't think about it all the time and don't feel that way all the time.
fw
Posted by Nickengland on August 21, 2005, at 17:55:45
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
>I don't want to start something that will just poop out.
I know what you're saying Linkadge, when things you enjoy or get pleasure from 'poop out' it is very frustrating and depressing to say the least. When something you dont enjoy or get pleasure from poops out, then its the oppisite.
At one point or another though, and I know this may sound depressing, but everything in ones life poops out, even life itself. The food we it poops out ;-) Love (real crazy in love-type-love) poops out, and develops into a different kind of love. And of course the relief we get from medications does poop-out every so often.
I guess its what you make between the poop out, which really makes things worth living for.
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by lynn970 on August 21, 2005, at 18:30:50
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:34:12
Hang in there. Did you tell this to a doctor?
Posted by Phillipa on August 21, 2005, at 18:43:51
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by lynn970 on August 21, 2005, at 18:30:50
If I could just get any med to work I could handle the poopout. At least then I'd know that something can work. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 19:08:26
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by Nickengland on August 21, 2005, at 17:55:45
That's right Nick
Nothing lasts forever and I wouldn't want to either. Imagine having your head cryogenically frozen. Even worse, imagine it worked. Here forever. Not for me. What was it TS Eliot said...'I was born and once was enough'. Another time Auden asked him why he was always playing patience. He answered 'I suppose it's the closest thing to being dead'.
Very funny
Declan
Posted by lorilu on August 22, 2005, at 0:26:38
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
> I just can't stop thinking about it. Everything I do, I think about it.
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> I just don't want to take meds anymore. I'd rather feel like this.
> Linkadge> Dear Linkadge,
I never write anymore because everyone seems to be anti-meds but I have always connected with you because of the number of meds my son and I take. You have always been open and willing to discuss your life with us and not judge... AND my son did just get off Paxil after 3 1/2 years but only because he was ready this summer. There are probably many more people out there like me that don't write but are rooting for you every day and feel like we know you. You will know when it is the right time to go off the meds. I usually want to go off the meds when I am feeling good, but then I just spiral downward. Some of us are med lifers and that is ok.Best Wishes and stay healthy,
lorilu
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Posted by Nickengland on August 22, 2005, at 6:31:06
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Nickengland, posted by Declan on August 21, 2005, at 19:08:26
>Imagine having your head cryogenically frozen. Even worse, imagine it worked. Here forever. Not for me.
I'm with you there Declan..
That reminded me when you said that, of the Walt Disney Guy ~ he is actually frozen isn't he?
>Another time Auden asked him why he was always playing patience. He answered 'I suppose it's the closest thing to being dead'.
LOL true.
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by linkadge on August 22, 2005, at 16:54:02
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Declan, posted by Nickengland on August 22, 2005, at 6:31:06
I just want to live as myself, not some heavily medicated zombie.
I don't know what this "remission" myth is that some doctors continue to talk about, but the best I can ever get is sedated.
Linkadge
Posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 22, 2005, at 16:54:02
Hi Linkage
I hope you feel better soon. I don't think you should die yet...you look really young and you have a lot more to explore and experience.
Alexandra told me once, "death will come soon enough." That made a lot of sense to me. You should put death off if you're depressed because you're not in the right frame of mind to make such an important decision.
(((Linkage)))
Deneb
Posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Deneb on August 23, 2005, at 19:20:12
I recently had the pleasure of hearing Marsha Linehan speak. She is the psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Something she said struck me. She said, in her irreverent but honest way, that there is absolutely no research to show that *anyone* feels better after suicide. There's no proof.
Better to stick with the known than the unknown?
gg
Posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
> I recently had the pleasure of hearing Marsha Linehan speak.
AWESOME :-)
They wouldn't even show us the video :-(
Posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 11:56:14
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
That's a shame. Can you get them from a library?
gg
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:54:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 22:42:36
Dang. I've got them. I wish we could network somehow.
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:55:08
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:54:12
Just to play them to you, mind. Not to illegally share copyrighted information.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:33:32
In reply to Ummm..., posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:55:08
I'm not sure that the library has them. I think the clinical program has them to show to students. The DBT trainers said they had vid's and we asked to see them but they just put us off...
> Just to play them to you, mind. Not to illegally share copyrighted information.
Of course :-)
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:01:53
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
I certainly wouldn't expect there to be proof that suicide ends suffering, but there is proof that depression causes suffering.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:15:15
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2005, at 21:18:52
Sorry folks, I can't talk about this on the internet. I don't want anyone to find out, cause last time people found out I was suicidal it ended in the biggest embarrasment of my life that just left me **extrordinarily** more suicidal, on more drugs etc.
I cannot talk about suicide on the internet I don't feel safe to do so.
Linkadge
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:31:06
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 17:15:15
> Sorry folks, I can't talk about this on the internet.
Okay... Then how about talking about some of the stuff thats making you feel like suicide is an option?
Posted by Declan on August 24, 2005, at 18:06:38
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » linkadge, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:31:06
I dunno if this is the usual thing, but in the last 30 years or so, the number of days in which I haven't thought abstractly about suicide (ie i can't stand this and so on) I could number on the fingers of both hands. Not the only thing I think about of course. There's lots of stuff like how beautiful everything is, what a privilege it is to be alive, how much suffering there is in the world, what a waste it all is, how interesting everything is. Tolerating ambivalence.
Declan
Posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 19:12:12
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Declan on August 24, 2005, at 18:06:38
I'm tired of trying to figure out why I feel so crappy.
Linkadge
Posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 19:50:32
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 24, 2005, at 19:12:12
Linkadge,
I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy. I hope my Linehan comment wasn't insensitive. And I do understand about not wanting to talk about this on the internet. I know you know there's a difference between feeling suicidal and actively planning it. If you are or ever are in the latter category, I know you know how to get some help. I hope you have a plan for getting help should you need it, because sometimes in the moment it's hard to feel like there is anything else to do.At any rate, if I could wish your depression away, it would already be gone.
gg
Posted by Dominique on August 25, 2005, at 16:10:24
In reply to I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by linkadge on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:33
Whatever your feelings are, when you feel that you are at your deepest darkest corner; know that somewhere, somehow, a little light is able to shine through. Even though we don't feel this way at times or most of time (speaking from experience w/ depression & suicidal thoughts), there is a small pathway to guide us there. Whether it be a friend, collegue, family member, religious being; there is a light flickering and trying to shine for you. All it takes is for us (the depressed) to take a step forward, rather than back, and begin that trail. There were days when I thought that I would implode with grief, over what I don't know; feeling empty, unloved & uncherished for the being that I was; hating my every breath and movement. But, there was a lightswitch for my strobe, yet I couldn't find it myself. I felt as if I were rubbing my hands along those dark walls, in search of a light source; yet couldn't find it. Thankfully, I saw a new doctor who realized that my agonizing depression/mood was not hormonal; but actual depression (which I hadn't been "labeled"). Medication, I thought was never going to be the answer. I fought what friends and family was telling me, and felt that if it was depression, than I could handle it myself. But, that was far from the truth. I fought it for years, until finally, I was put on an anti-depressant. Within six weeks of taking the prescription, I felt that I could actually smile again and not fake it. I felt as though I could slowly crawl out of that ditch of depression I had somehow found myself in, and get out of bed every morning. A year has passed, and I know in my heart that I should have been on medicine a long time ago. It takes some very loving friends and family to stand by you through your darkest moments. And you don't realize it, until your no longer blinded by the darkness.
Smiles
Posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 17:22:05
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows, posted by Dominique on August 25, 2005, at 16:10:24
I am glad the medication worked for you.
I have been on all the new antidepressants and some of the old. They don't do much, and what they do poops-out very quickly.
Linkadge
Posted by Declan on August 25, 2005, at 18:13:39
In reply to Re: I will kill myself, sooner or later who knows » Dominique, posted by linkadge on August 25, 2005, at 17:22:05
Is the light at the end of the tunnel the light of the oncoming train?
Declan
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