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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
I got chewed out at work. Once directly, and once through the official chain of chewing out.
I'm doing my best. I'm working in the office so that they can see me working, although the time spent working remains about the same. I can't seem to make it over the hump.
I put up no defense. I may be doing my best, but my best is sadly inadequate right now. Maybe forever more.
I hate not being what I used to be. I spent all morning trying to work while trembling.
Posted by TamaraJ on April 7, 2005, at 20:01:29
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
((((Dinah))))
I am sorry you had such a lousy day. And I am sorry that you are having such a hard time lately and have not been feeling terribly well. This may not be what you want to hear, but maybe it is time for a break. Maybe it is time for you to take some time off and out of the fray just for Dinah. Would the company you work for allow you to take some kind of a leave of absence for personal reasons? It may be just what you need - some time for you to recharge your batteries, take care of your health issues and even think about what YOU want out of the next chapter of your life, including career-wise. Sometimes we stay in jobs that we stopped being challenged by or that we stopped enjoying because we don't want to let anyone down or disappoint anyone. But, when we do that, we only end up hurting ourselves and somehow end up being robbed of our own chances at happiness and fulfillment. And, I may be wrong, but sometimes when we stay in situations like that long enough, our self-esteem can start to take a real beating, not to mention how tired and weighed down we can start to feel.
My thoughts are with you Dinah. You are a good, talented and intelligent person, and you deserve to be content and fulfilled, both personally and professionally.
Take good care of you.
Tamara
Posted by pinkeye on April 7, 2005, at 20:42:35
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
What kind of work do you do? Is there a possibility of switching to something related but not as taxing and demanding?
Posted by anastasia56 on April 8, 2005, at 0:00:17
In reply to Re: :-( » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on April 7, 2005, at 20:42:35
did you ever say whether they would let you telecommute?
Posted by daisym on April 8, 2005, at 0:26:10
In reply to Re: :-(, posted by anastasia56 on April 8, 2005, at 0:00:17
I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. Amazing how everyone says, "work is just work" but it really isn't. It says so much about us, how we are feeling and how competent we feel in all areas. Getting chewed out is so much worse when we already feel crappy. Do they really think we don't already know we aren't up to our usual standards?!
This might be time to reassess things. You've experienced tremendous loss and change. Perhaps you've outgrown this position.
I hope things get easier soon.
Posted by damos on April 8, 2005, at 0:28:33
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
That sux, I'm really sorry. Wish I offer more than just a quiet virtual visit to your desk and a whispered "You okay, let me know if there's anything I can do."
Posted by Spriggy on April 8, 2005, at 11:46:54
In reply to Re: ((((((Dinah)))))), posted by damos on April 8, 2005, at 0:28:33
Dinah,
I don't know how in the world you are even making it to work every day if you feel that bad. I commend your efforts because I know it must be a HUGE task to get there each day and stay there while feeling like that.
Maybe I underestimate myself but there is just NO WAY I could hold down a job right now in my condition. I am a mess half the time; either anxiety out the roof, depressed, or shaking from blood sugar problems. I'd be fired during my first hour.
I pray you feel better soon and your workplace will have more compassion.
Posted by AuntieMel on April 8, 2005, at 13:40:45
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
Getting anything done is such a struggle. I'm at about 40% of my former self.
I'll be calling my doc next week, for sure.
Posted by fallsfall on April 8, 2005, at 20:00:32
In reply to :-(, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2005, at 19:42:24
Sigh.
It isn't like you aren't trying to do everything you can to be more productive. So it doesn't make any sense to say "Try harder" - you are already trying as hard as you can. You have even focused your therapy on your productivity at work.
My sense is that you need to force your way through this period, until you get to a point where you can take a little break. And then see if the break helps. I think that talking about the connection between your dad and your work is also essential. Does his absence make this particular job harder permanently or temporarily? Does his absence make this job unsuitable? These are really hard questions.
In the meantime, (((((Dinah))))).
If you need someone to nag you, let me know. I'm a good nag.
Love,
Falls.
Posted by Dinah on April 8, 2005, at 20:45:03
In reply to Re: :-( » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on April 8, 2005, at 20:00:32
Not least because I've been working there all my working life. I don't know anything else.
Thanks everyone.
One of my bosses congratulated me on my calm(?!!!) manner today. Must have been because he was deftly returning to me a project I tried to hand off to him. ;)
I know there's more to me than my work, intellectually at least. But being first a good student, and then a good employee is so much a part of my self image that it's hard to let go.
They do let me work from home, and I've been doing that for some time. I decided to go into work every day for a while so they can *see* me working. But I'm still averaging the same number of hours a day. They're just hours they can see. Then I come home and crash.
I'll just soldier on till they fire me or I catch up, I guess. Or more likely, they'll take away some of my work, but not actually fire me. Yeah. That's the most likely thing. I guess as long as I still make the number of hours I need for them to cover my medical, I'll be ok. But it stings. It's contrary to everything I've ever expected from myself.
My therapist keeps saying "Just do the best you can. You can't do any better than that, so there's no point worrying about it." Sigh.
This may have something to do with the fact that I never could see much difference between a "C" and an "F". Maybe not even a "B". I have to do well, because I can. And I can't quite grasp that I really can't.
Because really, how can I really really really be sure I can't do better?
Posted by anastasia56 on April 8, 2005, at 22:54:03
In reply to Too good to leave, posted by Dinah on April 8, 2005, at 20:45:03
it might be an interesting exercise to:
1.) put your resume out and see if you get any interviews
2.) do a few interviews and see how you feel about the people you meet
3.) stop there to really examine the results of #1 and #2We have a tendency to think of situations as 'all or nothing'. Just because you do #1 or #2 doesn't mean you have to do anything beyond that. It can simply be an exercise. I, for one, would be very interested to hear how it went.
ana
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2005, at 9:53:53
In reply to Re: Too good to leave, posted by anastasia56 on April 8, 2005, at 22:54:03
It does sound like an interesting exercise. I might get up my nerve to do that. It would involve learning all sorts of new skills.
I have never actually made a resume. :)
Posted by anastasia56 on April 10, 2005, at 1:08:34
In reply to Re: Too good to leave » anastasia56, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2005, at 9:53:53
writing a good resume is an amazing creative endeavor. it will most likely be time consuming since you haven't an old one to work from...but, you will learn a lot about yourself in doing it. The discovery process is incredible as you start to list the things you have done, do do and can do. It is self-affirming in and of itself. Have fun with it!
ana
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