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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
I have started 4 threads and then backed out instead of posting them. I'm sickened by my inability to quit drinking, but didn't want to post this on Substance because what is crippling me is my anxiety.
How can I go days and weeks with no drinking and no problem with it; and then when I consciously decide to stop, the anxiety took a strangle hold on me and still hasn't let up?
My depression feels like it is in remission. My self esteem is so fragile. I no longer call myself a Loser, but I feel lumpy, dumpy, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and definitely a big old waffler. Quit drinking. Don't quit drinking.
And this anxiety... being off effexor and on a minimum dose of cymbalta is not doing the trick for me. I'm also on a teeny dose of inderal (20mgs) which works for about 20 minutes on the anxiety, but it's keeping my blood pressure normal. I take xanax "as needed" yeah right, if I took it as needed I'd run out of it in a week. That stuff is hardly worth it. When it wears off you actually feel worse than before. My p-doc is cutting down on her schedule, so my appointment for next week got pushed out to the end of the month. I'm not falling apart (yet) so I don't want to bother her, but I'm uneasy about adjusting my meds without her blessings.I don't like feeling like this. I don't like having a tight gripping hand on my heart, my stomach in knots. I can't concentrate still and have to look at my watch every time I answer the phone in order to remember whether it's morning or afternoon.
The wheels are coming off.
Posted by TamaraJ on March 3, 2005, at 14:58:57
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
I am glad that you have come to the realization that you are not a loser. Because that is so far from the truth. Noboby who has good intentions and tries to conquer an addiction is a loser. Oh, and I am glad to hear that it is feeling like your depression is in remission. Yahoo for PC!
I am not going to provide any annoying advice, maybe just give you some things to think about (which may, in itself be annoying, but hey, that's me!). Sometimes I think it is the finality in our decisions that cause us the most anxiety, and the pressure we put on ourselves to succeed. When we say "Never again" we set ourselves up for potential failure and recriminations because "never" is such a long time, and we simply do not know what tomorrow is going to bring. Perhaps a more realistic goal is "just for today", and slowly the todays start to build up and it turns out not to be so bad. We find substitutes for our unhealthy habit. Hey, didn't you say you quit smoking? Well, you did it (and probably experienced a lot of anxiety along the way).
You have to do this on your terms, and if telling yourself never again is causing enormous anxiety, then it's time for a gentler, kinder approach perhaps.
I don't know. But, I do wish you well.
Tamara
> I have started 4 threads and then backed out instead of posting them. I'm sickened by my inability to quit drinking, but didn't want to post this on Substance because what is crippling me is my anxiety.
> How can I go days and weeks with no drinking and no problem with it; and then when I consciously decide to stop, the anxiety took a strangle hold on me and still hasn't let up?
> My depression feels like it is in remission. My self esteem is so fragile. I no longer call myself a Loser, but I feel lumpy, dumpy, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and definitely a big old waffler. Quit drinking. Don't quit drinking.
> And this anxiety... being off effexor and on a minimum dose of cymbalta is not doing the trick for me. I'm also on a teeny dose of inderal (20mgs) which works for about 20 minutes on the anxiety, but it's keeping my blood pressure normal. I take xanax "as needed" yeah right, if I took it as needed I'd run out of it in a week. That stuff is hardly worth it. When it wears off you actually feel worse than before. My p-doc is cutting down on her schedule, so my appointment for next week got pushed out to the end of the month. I'm not falling apart (yet) so I don't want to bother her, but I'm uneasy about adjusting my meds without her blessings.
>
> I don't like feeling like this. I don't like having a tight gripping hand on my heart, my stomach in knots. I can't concentrate still and have to look at my watch every time I answer the phone in order to remember whether it's morning or afternoon.
> The wheels are coming off.
>
Posted by just so sad on March 3, 2005, at 15:24:43
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
Posted by anastasia56 on March 3, 2005, at 22:39:31
In reply to Re: (((Partlycloudy))) » partlycloudy, posted by TamaraJ on March 3, 2005, at 14:58:57
it's so true that making a conscious decision to do something can throw a person off track. i find the 'sneak attack' works much better for me. when i stopped smoking i just kind of kept the news from my conscious mind until after i had hypnosis and was well on the road. sounds like you operate the same. wonder if they have hypnosis for drinking?
you're a good person. it will all come together.
ana
Posted by Susan47 on March 4, 2005, at 0:48:27
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
My wheels are coming off, too.
I'm very worried about the fact that I've been stoned two days straight and don't want to stop but being stoned is stopping me from doing things. I would be depressed if I didn't get stoned. I would feel alone, no matter how many people were around me. That wouldn't matter. I'm afraid to not be stoned, but I can't focus well when I am. I'm afraid. Are you afraid?
Posted by partlycloudy on March 4, 2005, at 4:41:04
In reply to Re: (No subject) » partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on March 4, 2005, at 0:48:27
Afraid? The only reason I drink is because I don't want to be alone with myself. I've been doing it for so long, it feels like a natural thing to do. If I'm with other people, I can be straight, no problem. Leave me by myself and it's tortuous and I drink.
Sounds like we're both doing the same thing.
Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and advice.
Posted by Susan47 on March 4, 2005, at 10:33:56
In reply to Re: (No subject) » Susan47, posted by partlycloudy on March 4, 2005, at 4:41:04
I'm having my morning cup of coffee, I haven't felt the need to have a toke (yay) I did some serious psychic work last night in my dreams and I hope it lasts. The feeling of good. Good in my life. Thinking of you, pc. Cheers.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 4, 2005, at 10:38:01
In reply to Thinking of you, Partly cloudy, posted by Susan47 on March 4, 2005, at 10:33:56
Posted by AdaGrace on March 5, 2005, at 6:31:26
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
I know that you want to quit completely and I admire you your constant effort in the right direction. Consider this, I drink every day. Can't wait till the weekend so I can do it all day long. I am seriously falling further down. I just want you to know that by you at least trying I feel as if maybe someday I will reach the point where I don't need it all the time. I'm scared to be by myself with me also. I know exactly what you mean. I find that when I am with others my goal is always to entertain and be entertained. Often times I can achieve that by not drinking, but it's such a part of my life now that I don't even go without it with friends. it's a shame really that I can't seem to stop. I know it is affecting my weight. Of course it is. All that sugar. Anyway, I want to wish you support in the only way I know how by envy of your efforts to TRY.
Does that make sense?
Posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 8:05:44
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
PC, I was struck by how you dismissed Xanax as something you would take all the time if you didn't understand that it would be so bad if you did. I do the same thing. My insomnia is directly related to anxiety from my work or some embarassing/stupid thing I did. Which means I take Xanax maybe 1 or 2 times at week when I wake up at 3 a.m. I am scared of its reported addictive reputation or I might take it every night.
You too evidently are careful. I think that is significant. It says to me you have the ability to manage your own desire to recklessly self-medicate and you have an ability to tolerate some discomfort. Sure this doesn't compare with reducing a dependency on alcohol, but I think it is hopeful nonetheless.
Toph
Posted by partlycloudy on March 5, 2005, at 10:32:39
In reply to Re: (No subject) » partlycloudy, posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 8:05:44
It's very telling that here I am at home and have had ZERO anxiety since I'm not at work. And productive? Well, so far today (about 11:30am Saturday) I have
planted herbs in my garden
done laundry
made a necklace (wire wrapped sea glass) for a coworker that I promised 2 months ago
made another necklace (3 pieces of wire wrapped sea glass) for myself - look ma, my hands aren't shaking today!
finished installing new cabinet hardware in my kitchenum, anyone's car need their oil changed? I'm on a roll... and no, this doesn't feel like I'm manic. Feel kind of normal (heh heh).
Posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 14:59:47
In reply to Re: (No subject) » Toph, posted by partlycloudy on March 5, 2005, at 10:32:39
Sounds lke the forecast has changed from partly cloudy to clear and sunny.
This is the end of the thread.
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