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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 10:54:48
The last couple of days have been pure sh*t. I have no idea what is going on inside my head. It's enough to either scare me, or make me even more angry than I already am.
Why all of a sudden, after at least 6 weeks of being so "up" and under control, have I gone the reverse direction practically overnight?
Monday was not good, I was irritable to begin with. On the way to work I got caught in a hailstorm which beat the absolute hell out of my car, and the day at work was just nasty.
That evening I got irritated with my wife, over nothing, it would normally not even come close to an issue, but because of me it did. I went to bed early.
Yesterday, I was not irritable, I was absolutely enraged. I fought hard all day to keep it in check, called my Doctor, and he reccommended taking some xanax and called in a prescription. I took 1 mg of those, and it didn't even phase me.
I went home, and for fear of yelling at the wife or children, I kissed them all goodnight, took more xanax, plus my other pills, poured a huge glass of wine, and went to bed. I was asleep by 6:30pm.
I woke up this morning, came into work, and though I am slightly better than yesterday, I'm still no where near where I was just 5 days ago..
I have no idea what the h*ll is going on, but it's not good, and I am totally confused.
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 11:21:30
In reply to Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 10:54:48
This happens to me as well. I end up smoking more mj, getting more depressed, smoking more, it's a cycle until I find a way to get at the core issue. And lately, the core issues keep opening up to me more and more frequently, it's a cycle that's sped up and making me feel frightened at times. Anyway, to speak to you Broken, all I'm wondering is Did something happen, some thought enter sneakily a few days ago, something that made you feel bad about yourself or your life and you pushed it aside?
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:39:22
In reply to Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 10:54:48
Broken,
I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know, but could the date have something to do with it?
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 23, 2005, at 12:12:32
In reply to Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 10:54:48
Broken,
When I get like this, and I do, I always try to exercise it out. Really vigorous exercise does wonders for me when I get like this. Can you go for a run or a walk or do whatever you like to do physically?
Posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 12:41:29
In reply to Re: Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 23, 2005, at 12:12:32
Thanks you all for the replies... Susan, nothing really has changed lately, at least not that I can think of. Stress maybe has been a bit more though. Tamara, the date could have something to do with it as well.. I have never reacted this way, at least not in several years, however with some added stress, and this combined.. I dont know, certainly possible I guess..
Miss Honeychurch, I just came in from a long walk as you suggested, although I think some of my fellow employees decided I was a loon walking in the rain. Not that they were that far off today.
I really hate posting like I did, but I really can't stand myself for being such an a*s. The sudden 180 turn has just really thrown me off.
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:02:43
In reply to Re: Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 12:41:29
and well it should throw you off! That would throw anyone off!
I was glad to read that your doctor is involved with you on this. Have you managed to let him know that it took an addition large glass of wine to bring you relief? I'm sure you're aware that you felt you needed to self-medicate along with the Xanax. Let your doc know. Maybe he can prescribe something else or perhaps a higher dose.
And I'm going to throw my opinions out some more... I think the way that you responded to everyone's questions shows that you have some things worth talking out with a T. Do you see a T? Do you feel it might help you?
And now I'm going to give you my standard sunny10 disclaimer... you have every right to think I'm full of sh*t. I mainly read people's posts, see if I can relate, and offer suggestions based on what I have done or would do in the scenario described.
Where you are right now, emotionally, is a terrible place to be. I do hope, though, that you feel a heck of a lot better soon!!
-sunny10
Posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 13:23:17
In reply to Anger or better yet, What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 10:54:48
More than six weeks up? I'm not meaning this to be rude, but it sounds like you were due a backslide. Six weeks up is hard for any of us to maintain.
Probably it started small, but after the six weeks it seemed large and then you got frustrated and POW, it blindsides you.
Maybe it would help if you think of it as part of the 'getting well' cycle. I know it's disconcerting and I've been through some of those myself but it *will* pass.
Chocolate helps. Chocolate helps everthing.
Posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 13:42:20
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:02:43
lol.. Thankyou Sunny, that disclaimer did bring a smile to my face. And ofcourse I don't think you're full of sh*t. I really appreciate the response. I haven't spoken with my Dr again. About the wine.. I dont know. To be honest, I can't remember how many pills I ended up taking. I took the first two at work, and took more later. I wasn't concerned about the effect the wine would have mixed in, but I knew I would fall asleep afterwards. I just really didn't care last night about anything much other than doing something to alleviate the problem. I did have a T, it didnt work between us. I gave it up after 4 weeks.
BTW Miss Honeychurch, I didn't mean to insinuate the walk wasn't helpful. I'm fond of the rain, walking in it is not out of form for me. I've done it many times. And have probably been called a loon or worse in the past.
Auntie Mel... 6 weeks of being up is alot? That is a serious question. I guess I thought, other than regular bad days, I wouldn't be this way anymore. Obviously I'm not familliar enough with my own condition.. Again, thankyou for the replies.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 13:46:36
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 13:42:20
I'm fond of the rain, walking in it is not out of form for me. I've done it many times. And have probably been called a loon or worse in the past.
-- I love walking in the rain! Getting soaked to the skin - what a feeling. I find it very therapeutic. So, you are not a loon in my book :-)
Take care Broken.
Tamara
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:59:55
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening » Broken, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 13:46:36
not a loon in my book, either...
But being the opinionated oaf that I am, I gotta say that you concern me when you say you don't even know how many pills you needed to take to get relief with the wine!
Please, please, please, talk to the doc again...
And remember, every T is a different person. There are those with whom we simply do not "click" with. And some use techniques that we don't click with. Choose another. You're worth it, no matter how many you go through until you find the one you are comfortable with.
It sounds like you are on a much more even keel today, from your writing style. Is it true? Are you feeling better?
Posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 14:58:59
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:59:55
I am much more settled down today. I'm still irritable as hell, but not flying apart. I couldn't have even put a coherent sentence together yesterday by the afternoon. I have never, ever in my life not been effected by xanax, even at a low dose. It has always made me calm down, and even drowsy. It just didn't touch me yesterday, it didn't even put a dent in me. I gave it a chance to work, and it didn't, so yes, I took more, and yes I know I was a dumba*s. Drinking was stupid too I suppose. Difference is today I care, yesterday I did not. Swear to God it's totally out of character for me to act out like I did. I do feel fortunate I got home from work ok, and that I had the good sense to go to bed right away.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 15:16:30
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening » sunny10, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 14:58:59
Just keep doing your best to hang in there Broken, and ride out the storm. You know it will pass. Just to let you know, I have been where you are. And, it is unnerving and uncomfortable to say the least. That unbridled, unidentifiable, I've got one nerve left and you're getting on it, anger that seems to come out of nowhere. You feel like just popping someone - poppity, pop, pop, pop! Ya, I can relate to the feeling - "I'm mad as h*ll and I'm not going to take it anymore - But what, what, what?!! I guess the only consolation I can offer is that it does pass (you know that), and when it does, we breath a sigh of relief and say to ourselves - Phew! I made it! I'm soooo glad that is over.
Take good care of you.
Tamara
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 15:28:29
In reply to Re: What the h*ll is happening » sunny10, posted by Broken on February 23, 2005, at 14:58:59
I am soooooooooooooooo glad you're feeling better today!!!
Take care- have to leave work now!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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