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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 4:53:36
anxiety has it's grip on me again. But it seems deep down I 'm rageful. like I want to kick and scream. I don't know whats wrong. I do know that a med issue bothered me . cogentin made me really spacey and I blew it out proportion and was afraid I was losing my mind... big fear of mine losing myself. I feel insecure too. My husband told me he didn't like me on that medicine and I took it as he didn't like me. I must have called him 5 times to make sure he loved me. i'm just uptight. validation from others helps so I know I'm not alone. I hate it when in my own head too much. I'm scared but I'm sure it will pass. I'M MAD AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks,
Rainee
Posted by 64bowtie on February 2, 2005, at 7:25:19
In reply to anybody understand?, posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 4:53:36
Posted by 64bowtie on February 2, 2005, at 8:08:21
In reply to anybody understand?, posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 4:53:36
Rainee,
I accept and understand you. I'm there for you no matter what.
What may be harder for you to resolve is when I question your actions, until you can picture 'your actions' are separate from 'who you are'. They aren't 'who you are' even for a moment in time. Your reflection of 'who you are' is what you see IRL in your mirror. Your mirror doesn't show what actions are in your heart. It shows you....., to you.
I couldn't do what I did over the last 20 years hobbled my childhood notions that in order to be 'somebody', I had to be 'somebody'! Being 'somebody' to me as a child always meant acting a certain way. What happened to my self-image when I stopped acting that way and just..... was..... me.....?
As a child, I seemed to always go back to being a miserable failure. Nobody could see me being a miserable failure. I couldn't even see it in the mirror. I did however, assume everyone was smarter than me and remembered me before I acted like 'somebody'. In truth, they were toooo busy with their own lives to care one way or another. They were jealous of me when I was acting like 'somebody'!
Just as soon as I separated 'who-I-is' from 'what-I-does', my life changed.... forever! If I act 'badly' and resolve to never do it again, I am free to act 'goodly', and I do.
At the end of the day, I reconcile that I am good and have acted 'goodly', even with this or that 'badly' thrown in, that I resolve to be more careful with next time. I now never-forget who I am.
It didn't take 20 years. It took only an instant, 20 years ago! Since then it has taken me 20 years to live out what I was gonna live out anyway, only better!
Rod
Posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 9:16:40
In reply to anybody understand? I do » Rainee, posted by 64bowtie on February 2, 2005, at 8:08:21
Hi there, thanks for the message. But I didn't understand it. I'm sorry. could you help me see the me part in it?
Rainee
Posted by 64bowtie on February 2, 2005, at 11:29:44
In reply to Re: anybody understand? I do, posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 9:16:40
Rainee,
You said: > Hi there, thanks for the message. But I didn't understand it. I'm sorry. could you help me see the me part in it? >
I say: <<< It’s not polite for me to be seen as pointing fingers, so I try to make an example out of myself in hopes that how I did it will resonate with y’alls. That said, my experience tells me that you still think of yourself as an accumulation of all your actions; you are what you’ve done. This can lead us to disappointment, depression and anxiety all by itself.
It’s a much quicker process right straight to depression and anxiety if ‘we are (mostly) what we think other people see us as’. We are who we are no matter what any other person thinks or says. ...and that's always a good thing. Don't ever let your history blackmail you in any way. Just do the best you can one day at a time.
Please reread my previous post and see if it makes more sense yet. If not, please give me another chance to explain.
Rod
Posted by Angielala on February 2, 2005, at 13:09:53
In reply to anybody understand?, posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 4:53:36
I definitely understand...when you want to rub the skin off your face and you want to jump up on the chair and scream...
And then the meds... my husband told me two months ago that he was scared of me... he meant he was scared of my actions on the meds I was on, but I know how you feel... I had to hear him say "I love you.... no, really, I'm not lying..."
It's like being locked in your own head and when you do reach out, you are misunderstood... somethign like that, right?
It's allll chemicals... they rule us. It has nothing to do with how much we love or are loved, it has nothing to do with our hopes, dream, talents... the important stufff... no instead thses chemicals make us turn on ourselves...
It doesn't make everythign better, but realize it chemicals in us making us this way- and nothing else.
Of course all this will pass- and that's how you hold on. And think of it- your husband tells you he loves you as often as you need to hear it. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about that- and he loves you- that's why he's there for you.
In fact there are a bunch of people feeling the same way- and are lost and confused too... and look, you jsut found me, and I understand... just imagine how many others go through it too... it helps me to knwo that there are other people who sit in traffic and just want to park their car, get out and walk somewhere- anywhere... you aren't alone, even though you feel alone. Keep reaching out, keep posting- share all the scary feelings and you'll be ok.
Let me know how you are doing...
~lala
> anxiety has it's grip on me again. But it seems deep down I 'm rageful. like I want to kick and scream. I don't know whats wrong. I do know that a med issue bothered me . cogentin made me really spacey and I blew it out proportion and was afraid I was losing my mind... big fear of mine losing myself. I feel insecure too. My husband told me he didn't like me on that medicine and I took it as he didn't like me. I must have called him 5 times to make sure he loved me. i'm just uptight. validation from others helps so I know I'm not alone. I hate it when in my own head too much. I'm scared but I'm sure it will pass. I'M MAD AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> Thanks,
> Rainee
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