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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:04:14
Is it that Full Throttle's ingredients have an uplifting effect on me, or that I have puppies? Rhetorical.
This pain is physical, caused psychically, not depressing, but I am dropping tears all over, ecstatic, sad, wondering, amazed, thanking God, especially that I DO have puppies and dogs RIGHT NOW. They may well be the bridge suspended over my abyss.
This afternoon I received my son's (my only child) address in Boot Camp, which I have been anxiously awaiting, in the form of an envelope; containing two form letters. One with a blank for the Recruit to fill in a name for "to:" and a blank for his signature. And in between is a letter which is a facsimile of a brief letter stating where he is, that he is well and being well provided for, that he cannot receive various things in the mail, only letters, and asking that the recipient write. It kind of shocked me, I was expecting, in that his-hand addressed envelope, his own words. But getting this was definitely better than the anxiety continuing to build. I shouldn't feel anxious, he is a grown man. I know. I brought him to it.
The second form letter is one from his "Senior Drill Instructor, Staff Sergeant ClXXX, J.J. " assuring me of the same thing basically with the Marines' training objectives and methods briefly touched on also. There's a blank at the top of this letter, too. However, Staff Sergeant C, JJ did not bother to put a name on it. It is a photocopy of a photocopy, of a photocopy of the original that he signed in 1902.
Not complaining about it, just illustrating.
Also in today's mail came documentation from Veterans Affairs. Their letter of Decision on my service connected compensation explaining that they have made a rating decision on my disabilities. It grants me entitlement to the rating of 100% disabled due to PTSD with additional depression and lifelong physical trauma, results of a surgery performed on me, unwarranted, in the Army twenty eight years ago; and due to PTSD related to personal (sexual) assault by a soldier while I was a soldier.
This represents two years plus of psychological warfare in my head, heart and soul, as I work on dealing with something I tossed into the abyss, or so I was certain. Two years since these claims were filed on my behalf. Two years making a bzillion calls to everyone named X, Y, Z and A, B, C trying, unsuccessfully, to get substantiating documentative evidence from a system which, were it plumbing or electricity, would not function, period.
It also assigns me an evaluation as Individually Unemployable "for occupational and social impairment, with deficiencies in most areas such as work, school, family relations, judgement, thinking, or mood due to such symptoms as: suicidal ideation, obsessional rituals which interfere with routine activities; speech intermittently illogical, obscure or irrelevant; near-continuous panic or depression affecting the ability to function independently, appropriately and effectively; impaired impulse control (such as unprovoked irritability with periods of violence); spatial disorientation; neglect of personal appearance and hygiene; difficulty in adapting to stressful circumstances (including work or worklike settings); inabiity to establish and maintain effective relationships."
Aren't you just tickled shytless that I quoted that for you. I am (shaking my head).
But that remark in there about my neglect of personal appearance and hygiene.... ? Pure BULLSHYTTE!!!
A neighbor buddy came over and plowed my place out today. I hadn't opened this mail yet and did so in the truck with him. I joyfully told him I have been evaluated as 100% disabled and unemployable by VA. He asked me what's my disability? I said, "I'm nuts," paused for a minute, then added, "and they operated on me unwarranted and screwed my insides up, leaving me in pain and shytty internal condition abdominally, for the past twenty eight years, and caused loss of use of my creative organs."
He thinks I'm kidding on the nuts part. LMAO I do manage to display my most functional side to society as much as I feel is necessary, I suppose. I'm thinkin'. Maybe?
Anyway the whole thing gave me cause to be happy, which fortunately seems to be counterbalancing that other stuff that's preying on me psychologically. Oh, happy because I won't have to kill myself trying to function "appropriately" in jobs (and society, in which they are right, I do in a non-standard fashion) and go berserking when it gets to that point again where I feel inclined to tear someone's head off and shyt down their neck.
Now tell me, does it appear to you I have problems?
O my gosh i think i am not going to sleep tonight vacillating between the intense presence of another in my psyche and the joy of being nuts.
just
plain
janethank you for your time, i hope the ride was as good for you as it was for me.
Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:19:36
In reply to Good things. including puppies. What is this?, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:04:14
are nine weeks old now.
Brutus has learned to unplug the vaccum cleaner while I am running it. Then he just stands there smiling at me. (nope, not a fluke. he's done it four times in the past week.)
Rowdy has learned to swipe a towel (or whatever if there is no towel) out of the laundry basket or the bathroom and pee on it, in lieu of coming to me whining. I guess he doesn't want to deprive me of my computer time.
Ripley has been telling me off since she came out of her mom and I cleaned off the sack and detached her umbilical.
And Troi, well, Troi is the leader in behavioral adaptation. She has been doing the "sit, stay" for two weeks now. Her siblings just really got it a couple day ago. She is a good student.
They are of the breed Gremlin.
May your beer be cold, your heart be beating and your feet be warm.
jpj
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 22, 2005, at 21:47:15
In reply to Oh, yeah, the puppies » just plain jane, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:19:36
I do not know about anything else but I am so happy you finally have your 100% DISABILITY checks soon coming THAT is way cool...sorry the SERVICE messed you up but Yeahhhh on the diability.
Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 22:10:34
In reply to Re: Oh, yeah, the puppies » just plain jane, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 22, 2005, at 21:47:15
HIGH FIVE!!!!!!
YESSSS!!!
Just had to rattle all that stuff out I guess.
Thanks!!!
jpj
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 22, 2005, at 22:13:02
In reply to Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! » Fallen4MyT, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 22:10:34
Posted by anastasia56 on January 22, 2005, at 22:49:33
In reply to HIGH 5 BACK AT YA.......YEAHHHHHH :-) (nm) » just plain jane, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 22, 2005, at 22:13:02
very, very happy you got your disability. it must feel like a huge load was lifted. i can feel your joy.
the puppies sound fantastic. ya gotta love puppiesssssssssssssss! i could listen to your stories about them for ages. stuff like unplugging the vacuum and just smiling at you reminds me of gus, my puppy. he takes a shoe of mine and just stands there with it in his mouth smiling at me.
joy, joy, joy to you in your world.
anastasia
Posted by Larry Hoover on January 23, 2005, at 9:17:16
In reply to Good things. including puppies. What is this?, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:04:14
> Also in today's mail came documentation from Veterans Affairs. Their letter of Decision on my service connected compensation explaining that they have made a rating decision on my disabilities. It grants me entitlement to the rating of 100% disabled due to PTSD
YAY! A victory over the most bureaucratic of bureaucracies! Good work!
However....
> and go berserking when it gets to that point again where I feel inclined to tear someone's head off and shyt down their neck.
....I'm a little less inclined to accept your generous offer of roadkill.
I'm really sorry you've been through what you have. I hope this new ruling of full disability will provide with financial and emotional security. They have decided that you had a reasonable and normal reaction to events of an abnormal nature. You're not crazy. You're wounded. Now that you don't have to prove that any more, I hope you have a chance to focus on your own self-care and healing.
Best,
Lar
Posted by Phil on January 23, 2005, at 12:20:48
In reply to Oh, yeah, the puppies » just plain jane, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:19:36
> Rowdy has learned to swipe a towel (or whatever if there is no towel) out of the laundry basket or the bathroom and pee on it,
>>>Just when I thought I was unique!
Posted by saw on January 24, 2005, at 1:43:59
In reply to Re: Oh, yeah, the puppies » just plain jane, posted by Phil on January 23, 2005, at 12:20:48
I just love their names. Good naming!
Sabrina
Posted by AdaGrace on January 24, 2005, at 7:50:01
In reply to Good things. including puppies. What is this?, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 21:04:14
My dog manages to find any and all women's/girl's underwear in the laundry room, even if they are in the sink, and chew the crotch out of them. Why in God's name do dogs do that?
Posted by fallsfall on January 24, 2005, at 13:09:24
In reply to Re: including puppies » just plain jane, posted by AdaGrace on January 24, 2005, at 7:50:01
Maybe they have stock in Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. I keep asking my dogs the same question, but they haven't answered me yet.
Posted by Susan47 on January 24, 2005, at 13:35:32
In reply to Re: including puppies » just plain jane, posted by AdaGrace on January 24, 2005, at 7:50:01
I used to work for a national police force, and our guys were going to set up a camera in a res because this woman had complained that she was coming home every night to find her panties with the crotch "cut" out of them. Everyone was wondering what kind of a perv would break into a res to do something like that. It turned out to be the dog. Personally, I like to wash mine the minute they're off....
Posted by just plain jane on January 24, 2005, at 22:58:08
In reply to Re: Good things. including puppies. What is this? » just plain jane, posted by Larry Hoover on January 23, 2005, at 9:17:16
awwwwww... the roadkill's fine. I just take you to pick up the stuff you like. You get to handle it however you want from there.
Thanks for your support and encouragement. Healing will never be finished.
pj
Posted by just plain jane on January 24, 2005, at 22:59:38
In reply to Re: including puppies » AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on January 24, 2005, at 13:35:32
I've had several dogs who did that, including some who are now present and accounted for.
But, Susan, they even go for the ones fresh out of the dryer and the brand NEW pair I hadn't even taken the tags off of.
Talk about ticked off!!!!!
LOLMAO Since my son's been gone to boot camp I've been trying to catch up all the laundry. I found 3 pairs of his tighty-whiteys with the @ss chewn out.
LSHIPMP
jpj
Posted by Susan47 on January 25, 2005, at 17:48:08
In reply to the undies thingy » Susan47, posted by just plain jane on January 24, 2005, at 22:59:38
Well, there must be something there or the dogs wouldn't do it... no, maybe it's conditioning; you know, they see the shape and form and go, oh yeah, PANTIES, YUM YUM.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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