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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 17:29:38
One thing I do kinda wonder, is why so many woman put in their ad's they don't want 'pessemistic' or 'negative' people to reply. Geezz...that rules out a few billion of us, eh?? heh. Maybe I should write in my ad "Must have read most/all Nietzsche" lol... I am sure there will be some, uh, 'head-scratchers'...but hey, that is part of 'natural selection', eh? This is really fun. I should start an advice column or something..hehee.
Jay
Posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 18:52:39
In reply to More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 17:29:38
Can't speak for all the other women, wouldn't want to, but my reason would be because every intimate relationship I've had with a man came around to a point where his negativity was sucking hard to bring me down from being an optimist.
Every time there was a minor glitch, everyday life stuff, didn't have to be squalled and whined about. Everything done or said need not have been picked apart for some shred of vulnerability to drown in their vitriol.
I didn't start out an optimist, but then I didn't pop out of my mom with the knowledge I have now, either. Had to learn them both. The choices being optimist, pessimist, and apathist (if I use it and it ain't in the dictuary, it oughrta be), optimist seemed the one that would be most rewarding as a goal.
So why WOULD an optimistic woman want the struggling weight of a pessimist dragging her down?
Gosh, do you want a partner, or a complaining child?
by the way, you're not ugly.
just plain jane
Posted by Susan47 on January 19, 2005, at 20:21:15
In reply to More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 17:29:38
Jane, why d'you say Jay isn't ugly? BTW I've had the same experience of men.
Jay, maybe you could include in your ad that only women who've been in therapy need reply, that way you know you'll be narrowing the field down to Interesting Women, then the attractive and whatever else can come after that.
Posted by Tabitha on January 19, 2005, at 23:47:56
In reply to More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 17:29:38
Personally I think any list of "don't want" items is a turn-off. That's negative itself! But I'd have no quibble with someone saying that they like upbeat, optimisitic people.
Posted by just plain jane on January 20, 2005, at 9:57:34
In reply to Re: More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by Susan47 on January 19, 2005, at 20:21:15
Susan,
Jay has posted
"(Most) Women must think I'm quite ugly(Trigger)maybe jay 1/18/05"
I read that thread and looked at his picture and, he's not ugly. :) That's Why.
Jay,
Tabitha puts it very well. Many people, men and women alike, have a hard time putting thoughts into the best light as far as language, especially in personals ads, I've noticed.
Not that I've ever looked, mind you. :0
just plain gotta go change a tire in the deep snow and cold and i'm procrastinating jane
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:13:12
In reply to no pessimists » jay, posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 18:52:39
Hi Jane,
Well, I am not talking about the general quality of being an optimist, but I just read a number of ad's (and this time I am not complaining..I've talked to some very nice gals too..) where they headline *NO PESSIMISTS*, or something like that. They talk about how they "get through everything in life with a smile", and 'yay' to them, but what about us with depression? SOME bit of depression in one's life is only natural. It's what makes us humans. I feel like saying to the "No, I won't just 'get over it'", as someone else has brilliantly stated here. :-) So, does that make sense?
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:21:55
In reply to Re: More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by Susan47 on January 19, 2005, at 20:21:15
Hi Susan,
This honestly isn't a big deal with me...as I said above I've talked to numerous nice gals minus this attitude. I guess it's just best to avoid them (not my type), as I am talking about the ones who spend their whole ad saying "No Negativity...I look at the bright side of everything.." Ya, and look at the bright side of the Holocaust, while they are at it (I mean that in sarcasm.) SOME depression is natural...it is a MUST!!..it really scares me that people are losing their humanity by trying to be something that is not human. Well, that's about it from this reporter...
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:23:25
In reply to no pessimists » jay, posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 18:52:39
Oh Jane..just wanted to say "thank you" about the comments on my "mug", also :-)
Best to you,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:27:20
In reply to Re: More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-), posted by Tabitha on January 19, 2005, at 23:47:56
> Personally I think any list of "don't want" items is a turn-off. That's negative itself! But I'd have no quibble with someone saying that they like upbeat, optimisitic people.
>YES! I think you've got it right Tabitha! *Nobody* wants to be around someone who is just a grouch 24-7...I guess it's just all in the balance. What I fear is that sometimes people take sensitivity as being negative, and yes it can go overboard, but being sensative is a deep part of who we are as human beings.
Thanks, :-)
Jay
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:30:55
In reply to Re: More ... Susan47 Jay, posted by just plain jane on January 20, 2005, at 9:57:34
From a hearty Canadian guy, who was born in a blizzard, I send my positive psychic powers to you..lol. Best..Jay...And again..thanks for the comment on my "mug shot" :)
Posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 0:11:41
In reply to Re: More on Internet Dating (not so sad this time :-) » Susan47, posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:21:55
Actually, Jay, I think you're quite right, and I meant the part about Interesting quite seriously.
Without black, there's no white, or grey, or anything else. Life is contrasts, you know that. Sorry for them... but do you think maybe the written word can be a bit harsh? I mean, I'm joining an internet dating service right now (For "Thinking People", hahahahaha) and I'm having a heck of a time coming up with an identity that won't be misleading ("thinking"? Come on, I mean, really, they might kick me out IMMEDIATELY if not sooner! In any case, they'll Find me Out, won't they)...
It's difficult, very difficult. I don't like putting myself out there in print, not in THAT way, and I can understand the pressure and falling apart under it ... maybe I should reconsider this, myself.
Posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 0:12:23
In reply to Re: More ... Susan47 Jay » just plain jane, posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:30:55
Oi .. where is this mug shot to be seen, anyway? I'm curious as all get-out.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 21:35:32
In reply to Re: More ... Susan47 Jay » jay, posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 0:12:23
I think some people approach meeting someone (from newspapers off the internet etc) as they would approach applying for a job or something.
The hard sell 'I am the best person for the job'. The 'I never get depressed or feel sad' type BS that ya *say* but isn't reallly true of anyone.
That being said it is nice to have fun
and have stuff in common that you find fun
and not wallow too much in the miserable state of the world.Not on the first couple of dates anyway :-)
But, yeah, some people are probably just trying the hard sell.
This is the end of the thread.
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