![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
I am having a REALLY bad day. Just writing this is a struggle. But since throngs of admirerers of my writing (two people actually) requested more I dug this up from the archives. Some of you have probably already seen it and to you I apologize because it is still just as stupid and pointless as it was the first time you read it.
I forgot how to do a link so I just copied and pasted this little ditty. Dr. B can delete it and maybe do the link thingy at his leisure.
GumPosted by kid47 on March 25, 2004, at 7:37:47
Once again I have decided to quit smoking. I don't smoke cigarettes. I smoke cigars. Not good cigars mind you, but those skinny little cigars that look and smell like a burning twig. No not pot. (I know that's what you were thinking.) The kind Clint Eastwood smoked in "High Plains Drifter" In fact someone once told me I looked a lot like Clint when I had one of those little stogies clinched between my teeth....no wait.....someone once told me I looked like a complete idiot (or maybe they said "total dork" I forget) when I tried to mimic Clint with a stogie clinched between my teeth. I know it had *something* to do with Clint Eastwood. (do ya feel lucky punk?) Plus when I *did* hold the cigar clinched between my teeth it would make my eyes water and then I'd kind of start coughing and hacking...you get the picture. ANYWAY, I decided this time I would be sensible about quitting and use a "smoking cessation aid" My crutch was Nicorette Gum. I chose the gum because when you say "Nicorette" with a French accent it has a very sophisticated and worldy ring to it. Plus I think I used to know a stripper by that name. So with that settled, I tossed the first piece in my mouth anticipating my new found freedom from cigars forever!
Now I'm a fairly articulate guy, but I'm not sure there are words to adequately describe the "Nicorette Gum Experience"!!! I could say it was like licking an ash tray. And I would'nt be guessing here, since I actually did lick the bottom of an ash tray the last time I tried to quit smoking. But that phrase just doesn't do it justice. Possibly a better description might involve sucking on a burning piece of charcoal, although I *would* be guessing in that case fortunately. You are not supposed to chew Nicorette the way you would chew "normal" gum. You are only supposed to chomp down on it 3 or 4 times "just until you notice a slight tingling senation in your mouth" or an enourmous spike in your blood pressure from nicotine OD causes you to pass out. Then you are supposed to "park" the gum between your cheek and gums. So after inadvertantly swallowing three pieces I decided to ignore the directions and just chew. And chew I did. I have lost two fillings and chipped a tooth. I bit a hole in my cheek the size of a quarter and my jaw intermittently locks up.(although my facial muscles are now sublimely toned) The good news is I am free from my dreadful cigar habit....I have however developed a two hundred dollar a day Nicorette gum addiction. I can no longer afford food or gas for my car, but by golly you won't catch me wasting a buck and a quarter on a package of cheap cigars. Any comments?
Posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 12:27:30
In reply to rEpEAt, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
And the million dollar question is: are you still not smoking?
Sorry you're having such a poopy day, kid. I'm going up on my mood elevator, so feel free to hitch a ride.
Posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:44:23
In reply to Re: rEpEAt » kid47, posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 12:27:30
> And the million dollar question is: are you still not smoking?
>
> Sorry you're having such a poopy day, kid. I'm going up on my mood elevator, so feel free to hitch a ride.Not only am I still smoking cigars, I have started back on cigarettes and am still chewing Nicorette gum. Snuff and Skoal are next on my list. Plus I am suffering from unbelievably poor judgement in regards to some very stupid choices I have been making as of late. The good news is, in the big picture of things, the fact that I am crazier than a loon doesn't seem quite as daunting an afflication compared to all of these bad habits I am courting......or maybe they are just the symptoms of being completely nutso. Going up? I hope so very soon.
Peace, Love and Happiness
kid
Posted by tampagirl70 on December 7, 2004, at 13:21:59
In reply to Re: rEpEAt » partlycloudy, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:44:23
Kid, Have you ever considered writing as a career? You made me laugh out loud at work, and not many people can do that for me.
Maybe if you look up pictures of people who have jaw and lip cancer and are missing half of their face, you won't want to smoke cigars or use snuff or skoal. I've kissed guys who used Skoal -I've never licked an ashtray, but I can only assume it was very similar. As for your addiction to Nicorette, it could be worse. You could be addicted to Twinkies or Cheesy Poofs and gain 300 lbs. from feeding your addiction.
What about a patch to quit smoking? You could sew a cigar or cigarette into your skin and maybe that would work.
Posted by anastasia56 on December 7, 2004, at 16:28:22
In reply to rEpEAt, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
I don't know what you do for a living but it sure as heck should include writing. You are just as entertaining as the person that writes our 'humor' column in the daily paper here (circulation like one million).
What's next after the Skoal, cigs, cigars, etc.? Adding old reruns of Batman? the Green Hornet?
anastasia
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 7, 2004, at 20:14:48
In reply to rEpEAt, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
Posted by alesta on December 8, 2004, at 3:48:58
In reply to rEpEAt, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
hi, there,
yes, i concur with my fellow posters. you should be a writer. or do something dealing with comedy.
ah, the perils of nicotene! (sp?)
btw, i used to smoke cigarettes) and none of those aids worked for me. i had to go cold turkey. (i might've used wellbutrin if i was trying to quit now. maybe you could try that.)
i'm sorry about your day. it's going to be all right. feel free to talk about it.
btw, a lot of writers are crazy..:-) i like crazy guys. they're the most loyal.:) (trying to be lighthearted :-))
<Going up? I hope so very soon.
is that a glimpse of positivity? all right! i know you're gonna be ok.
amy
Posted by AdaGrace on December 8, 2004, at 16:53:00
In reply to rEpEAt, posted by kid47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:05:17
I love your writing........wanna job? I could hire you to write all my responses to my husband when he says stupid stuff like
#1. Talk to anyone today?
(no, I'm trying to quit)#2. Did you see anyone in town when you were there?
(no, not a soul, funny how ghost towns are like that, perhaps I should try somewhere else to buy my groceries, gas, liquor, ohhhhh but wait, doofus......I do have groceries, gas, and liquor, remember? you watched me unload them out of the car)#3. You going to take a bath?
(as I am standing there naked turning on the faucet)#4. Do you know where my hat is?
(on the phone while I am at work, trying to ummmm WORK!!!)#5. My stomach hurts, could you rub it for me?
(my normal response here is to quickly move towards the toilet making retching sounds, but perhaps you could think of something more appropriate)#6. Snort!!
(that's the sound he makes when he is trying to clear his throat, sorta like a "sucking the snot out of your nose and back down your throat" and not to be confused with the sound of "sucking the snot out of your throat into your mouth" which eventually gets projectiles out the lips, out the car window, and on some poor unsuspecting soul passing by the other way........)Okay, Okay.......I'll stop..........he might hear me..........whatever
Ada, disgusted with my H, Grace
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.