![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 13:48:26
This is the first week this year that I haven't had an appointment scheduled with a p-doc or a therapist! Yahoo!! What am I gonna do?
Posted by pegasus on July 21, 2004, at 14:31:02
In reply to Progress?, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 13:48:26
I vote for something deliciously luxurious for yourself. Like a massage, or pedicure, or triple dip ice cream, or new shoes.
Are you really ok with not seeing anyone this week, or are you just putting on a brave front? Or using sarcasm? Not that I don't think you could really be doing well with it. It's just that most of us are kinda upset when we can't see our T, so I wanted to check, to make sure.
pegasus
Posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 15:05:17
In reply to Re: Progress? » partlycloudy, posted by pegasus on July 21, 2004, at 14:31:02
I just didn't have a T appointment scheduled - I've been alternating between my regular T and the EMDR T. This week happened that I have neither on the calendar. I'm OK with not seeing either of them, but I feel kind of - in between. Like I'm so used to having a gage as to how I'm doing, and now I have to think for myself. I don't even know how to be objective any more. From my Ts and my p-doc's perspective I have improved quickly and I'm committed to making my recovery happen.
I'm not as depressed.
I'm not as anxious.
I don't get as many panic attacks.See, doesn't that look good? But I still struggle with meds and their side effects. I can't sleep unless I take Ambien. I can't get through a day unless I take a Xanax .5mg but still! I started an exercise program and I think the change in my metabolism has thrown it out of whack. My short term memory comes and goes. Today I can't tell you who I've talked to on the phone this morning. I read my emails and I wonder when the last time I wrote to that person was. I haven't a clue.
I read some posts and can't remember if I know who the poster is - argh!! I always used to say that my mind is like a seive; well now, it's a big old funnel. Nothing is staying behind.
And I have let Babble get the better of me, once again. That fire fighting yesterday got me so upset, and I realize that I still have the same old buttons that I let get pushed. So I wonder if I've made any progress at all. For me the BIG issue is substance abuse. I can't say that I've had much help on that front. (PLEASE - no one suggest AA to me again, thanks so much.) It's booze and weed. I go weeks at a time with neither being consumed or used. No one ever sees me drink in public. I save it for the lonely evenings when I'm all alone and too messed up to call anyone without feeling embarassed.
So. I guess I am being sarcastic. But I didn't realize it until I wrote it all down here.
Posted by TexasChic on July 21, 2004, at 15:46:11
In reply to Re: Progress? » pegasus, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 15:05:17
Progress is progress, and you can't say you haven't made any. So don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
I'm pretty bad with the booze and weed myself right now. Its always been an off and on thing for me with both substances. I've never really felt addicted, but when I drink, its to excess, and of course weed is just an escape and that's all there is to it (well, other than the calming properties that help my anxiety). Of course, now that I'm in my own place, I'm taking advantage of being able to do what I want. But I can tell I'm using both to escape instead of just being recreational. But you do what you've got to do to make it through, right? Hopefully I will find better, more productive ways to do that, but for now I'm handling things the best I can.
Right now I'm stressing about:
• Denist appts and missing work - I've been having to take off for multiple appts and I think my boss is getting irritated even though I make up the time.
• I have an interview next week - I'm stressed about having to take off once again, plus the usual stress of an interview, I don't have anything to wear yet, the place is an hour away and I haven't decided yet if I'm up to the commute if I do get offered the job (I could move when my lease is up, but 5 months of an hour drive and back? I'm just not sure). But its more money, and a bigger company, so I would have a chance to move up unlike at the small companies I've been working at.
• I talked to my boss about some things at work that were really bothering me, she spelled out everything she would do to change it, and none of it has happened. The basic feeling I get is she doesn't think I'm as competent to do the job as my co-worker (and friend) is. And I have more experience in the field than she does! My last job I didn't get much credit either – I think its just a sore spot with me.
• Money!!! I'm going to have to file bankruptcy in order to get back on track, but in the mean time I'm having to get this dental work done (charged to the credit card of course) and I get harrassed constantly by collectors. I've had some threaten me with court orders and its making me a nervous wreck. I have nothing of value anybody could take for my debts except my G4 OSX Emac (a bitchin Machintosh to the layman), and although I love it, I've resigned myself to the fact that if they take it, there's nothing I can do about it. I've also prepared myself for the fact that they may not consider my dental work applicable since I'm getting it after I've already been to lawyers about bankruptcy (although I haven't filed yet).
Anyway, I didn't mean to make your thread about me, I was just freakin and needed to get it all out.
Plus I wanted to let you know you're not alone in the booze and weed struggle.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 16:08:24
In reply to Re: Progress?, posted by TexasChic on July 21, 2004, at 15:46:11
((((TexasChic))) this place is about all of us. Money, work, dentists, bosses, you have just about all the bases covered! The dental stuff is very important - you gotta keep those choppers, and I know the prices are high.
So your interview must have come from the phone interview from last week? Way to go! As frustrated as you are with where you work now, maybe you could do a plus and minus list after the interview to weigh your decisions.
And your money stuff? Lady, we could share a bunch of stories. You said you have talked to a lawyer - has the possibility of a settlement rather than filing for bankruptcy come up? That could save you hassles.
*sigh* I know I get hard on myself. There's this little girl inside see, and nothing's ever good enough for her mom. You get an "A", you better do it the next time. You sang a solo in a recital? Don't get your head all swelled up about it. I latched onto pleasing my teachers and I think a lot of what I've achieved so far this year as been the same thing, except I'm trying to please the doctors. See? I'm getting better!! I can stop crying! I can exercise and lose weight!!
Hmm... the EMDR therapist said that at some point I might be able to handle drinking. I've had other doctors say the same thing to me. I guess I'm not alcoholic enough?? Check out some of my threads on Substance! Sometimes being alone is the excuse I need to drink. I just have to make sure I don't answer the phone when I do it. Have no idea what I've said.
Yadda yadda yadda I'm a rambler... thank heavens for you guys and this place. As frustrated as I get, I still get to vent, whine, encourage, be advised, give opinions... it's the best.
Posted by Poet on July 21, 2004, at 23:44:53
In reply to Re: Progress? » pegasus, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 15:05:17
You wrote:
I'm not as depressed.
I'm not as anxious.
I don't get as many panic attacks.I think that is progress, but keep in mind, I can't sleep without Ambien, I self medicate with booze (I so love Chardonnay, why thank you, I'd love another glass) and if I had access to weed, well...
Seriously, you've made progress. I think it's hard to see it in yourself, I know I can't see it in myself. Believe your pdoc and Ts.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:19
In reply to Re: Progress? » TexasChic, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 16:08:24
>
> *sigh* I know I get hard on myself. There's this little girl inside see, and nothing's ever good enough for her mom. You get an "A", you better do it the next time. You sang a solo in a recital? Don't get your head all swelled up about it. I latched onto pleasing my teachers and I think a lot of what I've achieved so far this year as been the same thing, except I'm trying to please the doctors. See? I'm getting better!! I can stop crying! I can exercise and lose weight!!Oh my, I think we need to start a club...You know my dad still chastised me at age 34 for not getting all A's rather than the 3 A's and a B I got. That was such an eye opener for me. Hello! My grades are none of your business, and are no reflection on you and your parenting abilities (or lack of them)! I finally would just answer, "fine" when he would ask about school.
But I find myself right now wanting to please my therapist and needing a great deal of reassurance that he doesn't think I'm too nuts or anything.
Take care,
gg
Posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 8:49:58
In reply to Re: Progress? » partlycloudy, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:19
I'll join that club! I think that's my problem with work. I'm trying to please my boss, and if I don't get the kudo's I think I deserve, then I feel I'm a failure. I think I expect too much, and my lack of confidence in myself shows through. Sigh. I guess that's something to work on.
And yes, this interview did come from the phone interview last week. If anything, I'm over qualified for the job, but the pay is $2 more an hour than I'm making now. Plus its a big company, which would mean meeting more people, which I'm not doing alot of lately. Change is just so scary to me that sometimes I'm too afraid to try something that I know would be an improvement. But at my current job there has been alot of layoffs, and I feel I may be the most expendable in our department if they decide they need to layoff more. So I feel I need to do something before it comes to that. Plus, its kind of a dead end job with no chance for advancement, and not challanging in the least. Also, there's many things I'm unhappy with as far as the way management works. So there's absolutely no reason I shouldn't go for it (except that I'm scared).
My interview is at 2:00 (central time) on the 27th. As scared as I am, I know it would be a big improvement in my life if I got the job. So scared or not, I'm doing the interview. If nothing else, it will be good experience (that's what I always tell myself).
Posted by partlycloudy on July 22, 2004, at 10:30:52
In reply to Re: Progress? Partlycloudy Gardengirl, posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 8:49:58
I get terrified of interviews too. I even drive out the day before so I know I won't get lost.
TC, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'll be rooting for you.
Posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 10:56:13
In reply to TexasChic that is wonderful!, posted by partlycloudy on July 22, 2004, at 10:30:52
Posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2004, at 12:25:47
In reply to Re: Progress? » partlycloudy, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:19
I'll join the club. When I would get a 98 on a math test my dad would ask me what I did wrong.
Posted by pegasus on July 22, 2004, at 13:35:20
In reply to Re: grades » gardenergirl, posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2004, at 12:25:47
I'll join the club too. When I was in high school I made dinner for my family every night and set the table (despite having 3 siblings, the slackers!). Every night my father would get up after we'd sat down and go fix something additional that I hadn't prepared or get something that I hadn't thought we'd needed. Usually toast (even if I'd made rolls!), or margarine if I'd put out butter (or vice versa), or a different type of juice, or whatever. And he'd act as if he was covering for a mistake I'd made. Grrrr. He still does it too, when I go home (and yes, I still cook dinner at my parents' house sometimes). He never said thanks or nice dinner, or anything. And neither did anyone else for that matter.
No wonder I identified with Cinderella as a kid. Fortunately, it comes with a prince charming, who I'm living happily ever after with now.
Peg
Posted by partlycloudy on July 22, 2004, at 13:37:19
In reply to Re: grades » gardenergirl, posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2004, at 12:25:47
LOL! My dad was the same, and he only went to 7th grade, so he had no idea what I was even being tested on!
What a shame we have to unlearn all these reactions now in order to be happy with ourselves.
Posted by pegasus on July 22, 2004, at 13:39:24
In reply to Re: Progress? » pegasus, posted by partlycloudy on July 21, 2004, at 15:05:17
PC,
It sounds like you've made tons of progress. And that maybe you have more progress to look forward to in the future. Don't discount the great changes that you listed, only because you still have problems. Although I know the problems are bad ones, and it's frustrating how slow things go. It does sounds like you've been having good productive therapy lately, though. I love to read your posts about EMDR. They're so incredibly hopeful.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with those side effects. They sound pretty difficult.
pegasus
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 20:11:28
In reply to Re: grades, posted by pegasus on July 22, 2004, at 13:35:20
Yeah, my mom was in and out of the hospital with depression (I think my dad caused both of ours) and I decided to learn to cook when I was 14. I just couldn't eat another tv dinner.
He sure got used to me. One time I had a date and when I was heading out the door he stopped me and told me I couldn't leave yet 'cause I hadn't cooked his dinner. I threw a few cans of things into a dish, through some crushed potato chips on top, stuck it and the oven and told him his casserols was cooking.
And left.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.