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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 22, 2004, at 12:16:34
Yes, the much-awaited 2 week followup occured at 8am this morning. Here's the results:
I'm staying on Lexapro at 20mg
I'm starting lithium as a stabilizer. 900mg for 3 days, then drop to 675 daily after that (225mg morning, 450mg evening)
This is the new plan, and my next appt is July 6th. If this is working, great. If not, depakote is possibly in my future. I don't remember why exactly, but I remember really disliking it.
Ok, now I have to think of something that makes this a "social" thread instead of a "meds" thread so it doesn't get re-directed.
Hmm...
Well, anyone who is reading this already knows how vicious my cycles have been. I have been keeping track (in a desperate attempt to keep some lucidity during this madness) and I'm going through a "complete" cycle (bottom/top/bottom) in about 3 days. In each one of those, I find the "spikes" that make everything interesting are as common as every 30 minutes. Yes, I told all this to my pdoc.
I really just want this to stop. I am hoping that the lithium does the trick. We'll know in a couple of weeks, eh?
I still don't know why the Lexapro stopped being "enough". I was doing great for a while. I want to do great again. I felt like Scott again. Positive and optimistic with a realistically cynical humor about things to keep it all in balance. All I want out of life is to like myself and be happy with the things I have. I don't want to be wildly happy one moment and tragically sad the next. Makes things interesting, for sure, but even that gets old after a while. I'll take a nice, normal, boring day.
Eh, this still looks like a meds thread. If it gets re-directed, that's how things go. I'll still post it here because this is where I spent most of my Babble time and the people who would be most interested in reading it are here.
Here's to hopes for good health! **cheers**
-Scott
Posted by daisym on June 22, 2004, at 19:02:55
In reply to My pdoc appt today, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 22, 2004, at 12:16:34
Scott,
I'm glad you have something new to try. I think our brain chemicals "adjust" which is why some things stop working.
It must be hard to swing so up and then so down. I'm curious, I've often read that people are willing to put up with the lows because the highs are so amazing. What do you think?
Posted by AuntieMel on June 23, 2004, at 9:24:27
In reply to Re: My pdoc appt today » Scott in Vermont, posted by daisym on June 22, 2004, at 19:02:55
Doing my best to help ward off a redirect.....
Putting up with the lows because the highs are so amazing? Isn't that like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer - it hurts but it feels so good when it quits.
(smile, smile, grin, grin)
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 9:54:24
In reply to Re: My pdoc appt today » Scott in Vermont, posted by daisym on June 22, 2004, at 19:02:55
I would disagree on a certian level, because while the "up" certinally is MUCH better than the "down", it's still a situation that is undesireable because of the lack of control. When i am able to "control" it and harness the energy, I accomplish amazing things. However, if I cannot harness it, it's just as debilitating as the depression because I spend my time doing "fun" things like drinking to excess and then go bomb a logging trail with my mountain bike. Fun? Hell yes. Stupid? INCREDIBLY so. It's odd... when I am "up" I actually engage in MORE activities that might kill me than I do when I am "down". When I am "down" I'm miserable and want to kill myself. When I am "up" I'm (unconciously?) engaging in activities that actually CAN kill me. Of course, on a concious level, I will just say that I'm having fun. But I wonder if it's not "intentional". Here's an example to illustrate my point a bit better, one I hope most people get.
There is cartoon called "Ren & Stimpy", and in the specific episode I am referring to Stimpy invented a "mind control" helmet that made Ren HAPPY all the time (this is the episode that unleashed the now infamous "Happy happy, joy joy!" song on an unsuspecting world). Ren went absolutely mad, because while he was REALLY happy, he knew something was terribly wrong with him. That is how I feel when I am "up". Yes, I'm happy. I'm TOO happy. And like Ren, if I were wearing a helmet that was making me that way, I would take a hammer and smash it off my head as well.
I don't want up, and I don't want down. I want level (with the appropriate reactions to the ups and down in life). The down is miserable, and the up can be frightening (albiet after the fact).
I know I could be worse off. I'm still "functional" for the most part even in the apex of a high or the nadir of a low. I can mask this pretty well (lots of practice) so even when my mind is absolute chaos, my exterior remains as placid as a mountain lake. Most of the time, tat is... :)
In all, it's annoying and I want it to stop.
Posted by B2chica on June 23, 2004, at 10:37:56
In reply to Re: My pdoc appt today, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 9:54:24
you made me smile today Scott. Thanks...
what about "Log". didn't it make you want to buy one too?
b2c.> There is cartoon called "Ren & Stimpy", and in the specific episode I am referring to Stimpy invented a "mind control" helmet that made Ren HAPPY all the time (this is the episode that unleashed the now infamous "Happy happy, joy joy!" song on an unsuspecting world).
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 11:34:32
In reply to Re: RS Songs » Scott in Vermont, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2004, at 10:37:56
Whaaaaaat.... rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs,
and over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack,
And fits on your back?
It's log, log, logIt's log, it's log,
It's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good.Everyone wants a log
You're gonna love it, log
Come on and get your log
Everyone needs a log
log log log
Posted by B2chica on June 23, 2004, at 11:59:43
In reply to Come on everyone, sing along!, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 11:34:32
i thought i was the only one that memorized things like that.
Scott, you just have absolutely no idea how Badly i needed to smile today.
you even made me cry cuz it felt good to laugh and be silly again.
ThankYou Scott from Vermont.
b2c.> Whaaaaaat.... rolls down stairs
> alone or in pairs,
> and over your neighbor's dog?
> What's great for a snack,
> And fits on your back?
> It's log, log, log
>
> It's log, it's log,
> It's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
> It's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good.
>
> Everyone wants a log
> You're gonna love it, log
> Come on and get your log
> Everyone needs a log
> log log log
>
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 13:27:48
In reply to Re: Come on everyone, sing along! » Scott in Vermont, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2004, at 11:59:43
You're quite welcome, although I must admit to some assistance from Google because I could not remember the last verse in correct order.
Sometimes I wonder what part of my brain will hold on to a silly song from a cartoon I haven't seen in 8 years, and why I cannot put my bank account number in that same kind of permanant storage?
Perhaps if I sang the number to a catchy tune?
(to the tune of "log")
Ohhh, one zero eight, I think it's so great
to remember my bank account
five seven nine, lets keep it in line
And sing it out all day long
Nine, five, seven and a three
I know this is a silly song
But at least it works for meI remember my bank acount
I love my bank account
Blah blah blah blah blah...
Too bad that's not really my account number. That might just work.
Posted by daisym on June 23, 2004, at 13:58:52
In reply to Re: Come on everyone, sing along!, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 23, 2004, at 13:27:48
Scott,
I have kids 12, 16 ad 19. We cleaned out the gargage a few weeks ago and found...yup, stuff animals of Ninja Turtles, Wrestling buddies and Ren and Stimpy. They all launched into the Log song. And sadly, my husband joined in. (grin) They tell me it is back on reruns somewhere...I don't want to know. You can't imagine how they used that cartoon (all the males in my house) to torture me!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with highs and lows. I can understand why you want things more even. It is curious though that there is so much "stuff" about how people "love" their highs and so refuse medications, etc. Another mental health myth, I guess.
And as far as the calm exterior, I doubt anyone ever knows how quickly we get good at hiding from everyone. I'm glad the meds are working.
This is the end of the thread.
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