Psycho-Babble Social Thread 354532

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Momdar

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2004, at 12:02:43

I took Harry in for a couple of hundred dollars worth of tests the other day and the vet says he's just fine. He admits that if something is going on in the brain, he wouldn't be able to tell, but he says his kidney and liver functions are fine, and his chest xrays showed nothing. He did say his eyesight was failing.

But my momdar says that Harry took a downturn two or three weeks ago. He seems to be unsteady on his feet, and stands in odd poses that seem to be intended to brace him. I'm having to put his food bowl on something because he appears to fall forward a bit when he eats too close to the floor. And he's not finishing all his food (unthinkable for Harry - he'll finish it just so the other dogs don't get any). He feels thinner to me. His sleep seems different - thicker and less content. He still wants to be held all the time, but again he seems less content. I told the vet all this.

I'm so frustrated. I guessed when I brought him in that the vet wouldn't find anything. But I just can't help but feeling something is wrong. Even my husband notices it, and his momdar is notoriously poor. I trust my instincts on this more than the tests. I know Harry like I know myself. But there's nothing I can do! The vet was telling my mother how great Harry was doing and how amazing it was after all these months, so he's not going to take my protests seriously.

I'm not a hysterical mom. Harry took a downturn in December or January, I added some Metamucil to his food and he felt a bit better. He's been stable from then till now. Not feeling great, but not feeling miserable either. Something is different now. I don't know what to do other than to continue to give him lots of love.

My current enthusiasm began shortly after I picked up on something being wrong. I often wonder if my enthusiasms are purely physical or if they have an escape function. :(

 

Re: Momdar » Dinah

Posted by pegasus on June 7, 2004, at 13:13:28

In reply to Momdar, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2004, at 12:02:43

I'm so sorry that Harry is seeming to change for the worse. It is so frustrating when vets (or doctors for that matter) can't identify anything wrong, or even believe in it. Unfortunately, I think there are a lot of physiological things that can happen and vets/drs just have no idea. And it seems, in my experience at least, that if they don't know what it is, they think there isn't anything wrong. There is this weird false confidence thing that doctors (and maybe vets?) are taught in school.

Bodies are complicated. I'm sure that your mom radar is totally on target. You've spent a whole lot more time with Harry than the vet has.

Sorry I don't have anything more comforting to say. Please keep us posted about Harry's health. Having a pet in distress is such a hard, helpless thing to go through. I'm sure your love is helpful to him, whether it cures him or not. I'll send my positive wishes toward him as well, in case that might help.

pegasus

 

Re: Momdar » Dinah

Posted by partlycloudy on June 7, 2004, at 13:53:02

In reply to Momdar, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2004, at 12:02:43

Dinah - had to look up what a momdar was... don't have kids. I don't doubt that any loving pet owner is keenly tuned in to the nuances of their pet's wellbeing, especially one with whom you've shared your life for so long.

Harry is lucky to have such a loving and caring mom-owner.

 

Re: Momdar

Posted by Racer on June 7, 2004, at 14:18:57

In reply to Momdar, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2004, at 12:02:43

Can you find another vet?

My beloved MonsterCat has two major health problems: megacolon and chronic renal failure. Our last vet was terrible: I'd take the cat in, she'd say "he's constipated" (no ****?) and have him dragged from my arms into the back for an enema, then tell me to bring him back if it got worse. I got sick of that, and pointed out that I was perfectly capable of administering an enema in the more comfortable environment of his own home. Still never diagnosed the renal failure.

I finally found another vet. This one is WONDERFUL!!! As I stood there, trying to describe amorphous MomDar symptoms (while crying my heart out), she took care of us both. She diagnosed the kidney failure, and taught us how to administer sub-cutaneous fluids at home. She showed us the signs to watch for, gave us instructions about when to administer which sort of enema, paid respectful attention to the MomDar reports, and explained her own, personal interpretation of "Quality of Life." (Her view was that, for a 16 year old cat, if he can get up on the bed; comes for a cuddle in the evenings; shows signs of interest in his environment; eats (never been much of a problem: he's actually GAINED weight on his kidney diet); and changes sleeping position every couple of hours, then he's experiencing sufficient quality of life to continue treating him.) She is also very honest about her limitations, including telling me that something that looked like a stroke wasn't worth investigating, since whether or not it was a stroke, it wouldn't change the way we treated him. She's also good about the psychological aspects of this for me. She pointed out that the trauma of the sub-Q fluids and the enemas was of such limited duration that I should look at the remainder of his life, rather than that.

A good vet makes all the difference in the world. (I've told Dr EyeCandy that I want the same level of care my vet gives my cat. He doesn't have to kiss my forehead, or chuck me under the chin, but he does have to address the QofL issues and treat me with the same level of respect as a living creature. Unfortunately, he's either not capable of meeting that standard or just thinks it's too high.)

OK, now back to you, Dinah. It really is terrible when your loved ones are in distress. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. I believe you, and I think you're probably right about what you're seeing. Some vets seem to assume that older pets aren't as valuable as younger pets, or that whatever is wrong it "normal aging" and not worth addressing. I'm so sorry your vet isn't listening to you.

Best wishes.

 

Re: Momdar

Posted by Angela2 on June 7, 2004, at 15:33:02

In reply to Momdar, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2004, at 12:02:43

Awww! I'm so sorry about your cat! Is Harry a cat? I didn't see you mention it in your post. It does sound like a mind thing, what you described with the odd poses, but who am I to tell?? I'm just a poor student. Anywho, I send out my best wishes to your pet.

Angela

 

Re: Momdar

Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 16:14:42

In reply to Re: Momdar, posted by Angela2 on June 7, 2004, at 15:33:02

Harry is my small dog who was diagnosed last September with a cancer so undifferentiated that it was impossible to identify. The tumor was 1/3 of his body weight and he actually died on the table when it was removed and was revived. I showed the lab report to some vet friends of mine and the general consensus was that he wouldn't make it till Christmas. That it most certainly would have spread since it was attached to the spleen and blood runs through there or something??? I dunno.

My own vet was more optimistic, and we put him on a cocktail including tamoxifen which is supposed to stop tumor growth by stopping the growth of the blood vessels they need to feed them.

He had a downturn in January or so, and another one just lately. I have a FABULOUS vet. He's always willing to try out experimental treatments, and I've always had good luck with them. I wish I had a personal doctor as good. He also generally respects my intuition about the dogs.

I rather suspect that his attitude stems from a mix of his natural optimisms and a certain feeling of helplessness. The truth is that even he, the most optimistic of any of the vets I spoke to at the time, now admits that it's astonishing that Harry is still alive. And the standard tests don't reveal anything. And I don't think I would agree to invasive testing. And if it's spread to his brain, not only can't we tell, but we can't do much about it either. Under the circumstances, I suppose that assuming everything is ok is as good as wringing his hands. :(

It's just really really frustrating to *know* that something is wrong and to really really want to help him, while he can't even tell me where it hurts or what he's feeling. He is the most consistent source of support in my life, and I want to give him as much as he's given me.

 

Re: Momdar » Racer

Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 16:17:16

In reply to Re: Momdar, posted by Racer on June 7, 2004, at 14:18:57

Racer, thank you for that checklist on quality of life. I bookmarked it to look back on as time goes on. I think he still has enough quality of life, just not as much as he did last month. :(

 

Re: Momdar » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2004, at 17:11:24

In reply to Re: Momdar, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 16:14:42

"He is the most consistent source of support in my life, and I want to give him as much as he's given me."

You have. He has given you an infinite amount and you have given him an infinite amount back. Infinity = Infinity (by definition).

He knows you love him, and he knows how much you love him. Feeling helpless is such a hard state to be in. I guess that there are sometimes when we aren't *supposed* to be in control - when we are just supposed to be *there*. You can remind me of this the next time I want to be in control...

(((((Dinah)))))

 

Re: Momdar » Dinah

Posted by Racer on June 8, 2004, at 17:35:33

In reply to Re: Momdar » Racer, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2004, at 16:17:16

Since I'm struggling with the Quality of Life issue for my beloved MonsterCat, let me share with you what I've 'decided' about it: I can't know for sure what the right answer is, but I do know that he still enjoys certain things and seeks out those things. He sleeps with his head resting on 'his' stuffed rat, he follows me around in the evening until I sit properly to provide 'his' lap, he gets off my lap to sit expectantly on the ottoman for me to feed him Ruffles BBQ Potato Chips (yes, the vet knows, and -- let's say -- doesn't disapprove. And my husband encourages it, because it means I eat some, too.), and I still wake up to find him pressed up against my back, purring like mad. Those are things that tell me he's content to stay with me a while longer. Sure, it's harder than hell to watch as it gets harder and harder for him to jump up onto the sofa on his own, but he still does (once he's verified that I won't help him this time -- vet says he's a drama queen), so I know he can. When the time comes, I'll help him up. When he no longer asks to sit with me, I think that'll be how I know it's time.

I'm so sorry you're sharing this with me, Dinah. I think I'm trying to say that, even if you think you don't know, you will know. Blessings to you.

 

Re: Momdar

Posted by gardenergirl on June 8, 2004, at 22:22:08

In reply to Re: Momdar » Dinah, posted by Racer on June 8, 2004, at 17:35:33

Dinah,
I think your momdar is important. It's so frustrating when tests can't confirm what you know in your heart. And you and Harry are connected, so who better to know when something is wrong. I wonder if he has an inner ear infection and is getting vertigo from it. Other than that, I have no advice other than to just love him.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: Momdar » fallsfall

Posted by pegasus on June 9, 2004, at 12:40:48

In reply to Re: Momdar » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2004, at 17:11:24

"there are sometimes when we aren't *supposed* to be in control - when we are just supposed to be *there*."

That is so beautiful and true. I'm going to have to remember it, and add it to my list of helpful quotes for hard times.

- pegasus


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