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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
Trying to figure out where to begin. Usually I'm the talker but have really gone inward not even in therapy anymore. Can't seem to find a T I trust and they are all so expensive But I know I have to find one. I'm on meds. mood disorderd. They say BPII but hell that seems so be the flavor of the past few years. I used to be just major depression and anxiety disorder/panic.
anyway, I'm now 42 years old and feel like a failure .. I sit in the house alone all day in my own head bad..place too be. I feel like I let everyone down in my family. Lets just say I feel like a really bad person. I can't seem to find aything to look forward too. My house is a wreck I don't want to clean it. I'm 100 pounds overweight and feel disgusting but can't find the motivation to get it off. I was better years ago and Prozac pooped out now I'm becoming afraid of the world again.. relapses are devastating. well this is just an opener and is hard too do but I have to reach out. thanks Rainee
Posted by antigua on May 21, 2004, at 8:48:15
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
You've come to a good place. Write, write, write and let us know more. You are not alone. I live in my head (is there any other way to live?) all the time, as much as I would like to drop this ton of bricks. How I long for that day!! I know you do too.
Maybe try just a little thing every day? Little things can lead to big things if they don't feel so overwhelming. Take a very short walk the first day? If it's not too hot, there will be plenty to look at and you might get distracted for a second. It worked for me. I started really slow by just walking down the street, then around the block, etc. Be nice to yourself too, reward yourself and try not to be SO hard on yourself. You deserve to feel better.
Just remember that you aren't alone. You've found babble!
best,
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on May 21, 2004, at 8:52:13
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
((((Rainee)))) I'm 41 with BP2, GAD and panic attacks. I get so discouraged with no apparent improvement. My house gets cleaned one tiny area at a time. I used to love to cook every night. Now I might cook once a week, if I'm up to it (which isn't often these days). I can't go to the grocery store without taking a xanax beforehand. My T scheduled my next appointment for - get this - JUNE 23 - because I'm doing so well. It's one step forward and two stumbles backwards.
The only reason I hold on to any hope whatsoever is because of this place. I had a slew of good days in a row, and I almost dread them because I know I'll pay with days like these afterwards.
I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. I broke down and bought new clothes that fit, and I was so mad at myself!!
Rainee, I'm afraid I'm pretty close to the place you're at right now. How about misery loving company?
partlycloudy
Posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 9:18:24
In reply to Re: First time posting on this side...need to talk » Rainee, posted by partlycloudy on May 21, 2004, at 8:52:13
Thanks for the replies you know I wonder in part if nnot a 40's thing. In my thirties and 20's I thought I had all the time in the world and it all went so fast. My kids are growing one turns 17 today and one is 19 and her own already and I have a thirteen year old. I feel like I contribute nothing to this house and can't keep a job. I have wracked up bills and have not paid bills and the guilt overwhelms me. Why my husband loves me is beyond me. I was sruggling at Easter and had a job taking pictures at the local mall of the kids with the Easter Bunny. I was pushing through each day then the end of the first week my foot and ankle swelled from this damn weight I had one more week to go and had to hand it off to someone else . What a failure I feel like I went home went to bed and stayed there.
I have gone down from there.
on the biggest cocktail of drugs I have ever been on.
effexor xr, lamictal , klonopin, synthroid, hyzaar(blood pressure)
I have to try harder.. but God how much can one take?.. when I was younger I felt like I could but as I get older I question how much I can really take.Rainee
Posted by kid47 on May 21, 2004, at 9:23:29
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
Hi Rainee. There are quite a lot of us here who can relate to your trip to "the dark side." There have been times in my life when it was a major accomplishment for me just to brush my teeth....eeewww. In the past I have felt an overwhelming sense of being totally worthless. At those times my only survival skill was to constantly remind myself that those feelings are one of the terrible symptoms of mood disorders.(a sometimes difficult to treat illness) Things now are sooo much better for me. I know it's tough, but try and convince yourself it won't always be this bad for you. It does get better. One day you'll be able to look back on this and....well, maybe not laugh...but be able say, "boy howdy. am I glad that's over." Please write here often if you can and let us know how you're doing. Glad you're here. My wish for you is to feel better very soon.
Peace, Love, and Happiness
kid
Posted by kamikazi_ladybug on May 21, 2004, at 10:08:30
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
Hi, I'm 31 and have been living this was since my early 20's. Have had a therapist tell me he can no longer help me anymore. I was to far gone he said.
I come in and out of babble, but its a wonderful place. These people have helped me so much. I can't get on the computer as much as I'd like but when needed they are there.
They know the feelings you feel, so most can help. As told to you before, talk, talk, talk,...let it out and don't let it build. That would do more damage than good.
hang in there,
KL
Posted by Scott in Vermont on May 21, 2004, at 12:59:25
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
Hi Rainee.
I'm posting on your thread hoping I can be a ray of light in your darkness. I survived. I cherish every day now, have lost my weight (from 250+ back to 160's / 170's, I'm fully functional in daily life, and aside from a few terse moments (such as being stuck in a rather bitter divorce process and being flat broke) I'm finding that the challanges of daily life are not all that they once seemed.
I'm on Lexapro, have a T for talking and a pdoc for medication. I also have people in my life who care. I'm not "cured" and don't know if there is a "cured"... but I am prospering emotionally and enjoying my time in the sunshine. This is a change coming from being completely nonfunctional and suicidal.
It can happen. There is hope. Welcome to Babble (or welcome to this side, I didn't quite get if you're new or not) and talk away... there's a lot of good listeners here. :)
Posted by Ivan Michael on May 24, 2004, at 14:50:58
In reply to First time posting on this side...need to talk, posted by Rainee on May 21, 2004, at 8:33:36
well hello rainee. you sound a lot like me, except that i'm 16 and lost god knows how much weight. people now ask me if i'm belemic or something. i hate it. but i do feel as if my life is worthless and that i let everieone down. well i hope that this site helps and that you find a T and get better. you won't hear from me much, parent trouble. well i'll see you later.
ivan
P.S.
we like to give hugs here. and i want to give you so manie hugs. take care :)
This is the end of the thread.
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