![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
What's going on here....?
I was told that I am no longer welcome to meet with a group of seniors. I thought they were my friends. They have turned on me.
Then I discovered that one of the seniors that would get very upset with change when I mentioned it, told the group that she saw me on TV talking bad about the group and how I had painted the group as hopeless. I was dumbfounded.
First of all, I have been shown on TV talking to seniors in the background while the feature writer narrated their story. The writer never quoted a word I said. Also, the writer reported how comfortable these seniors appeared with the learning process.
Second, a couple of guys from the group who meet for coffee every morning met with me and mentioned that they thought it was hooey, since she keeps repeating the story over and over, making small changes each time. "Its like she's writing a book or a screen-play, and changing the plot as she goes", one said. Never-the-less, the majority voted me out so I willingly honor the group by staying away.
I ask myself, "Is this a conflict?" Sure. And real easy to manage into win-win. Will I try? "Let it lay" is safer. If someone is telling stories and can sway the group about something from her imagination now, it'll happen again. So me and the two coffee meeters will keep meeting till things change. Since the group can be so influenced by her (changing) testimony, I best chock this one up to experience, and move on....
Rod
Posted by Dinah on April 13, 2004, at 21:14:09
In reply to I'm upset..., posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
I'm sure that must hurt. At least you'll be able to continue to keep up your friendship with the closer friends from the group.
I think it's definitely a good idea not to enter into conflict over the matter. But do your friends have any ideas about how you might be able to mend fences? A completely different approach than conflict.
It depends, of course, on how important the group is to you. It sounds as if it isn't that important to you, and that the friendship of the two members is what counts for you. But if it is important, perhaps we could all brainstorm.
Posted by Speaker on April 13, 2004, at 23:28:20
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2004, at 21:14:09
Rod,
Sorry you are paying the price for someone elses issues...that hurts! Please take good care of you as you wait for the waters to calm. Gossip is such a sad thing!
Posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2004, at 14:14:07
In reply to I'm upset..., posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
Rod,
How awful. Sorry you are going through that. It's so hard when you are dealing with someone who perhaps does not see reality the same as you (and perhaps the rest of the group) do, for whatever reason. I know how this hurts, as I am going through something similar in my office. I know it's hard to sit back and respect the group's wishes when you feel as if the decision was made on bad information.Take care of yourself. I'm glad you are still in contact with the coffee klatch.
gg
Posted by Raindancer on April 14, 2004, at 16:45:29
In reply to I'm upset..., posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
This is not at all pleasant for you and I think you are facing it philosophically and with a great deal of dignity and courage. Groups are funny things and are often influenced by one or two people - they change like the wind, but then they change again when other influences come into play. You must be disappointed but you also sound solid and strong. There is a saying "Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself." You are doing this and in time this situation will either turn your way or will cease to matter to you. I'm glad at least a couple from the group show some good sense and that you can enjoy their company. Hold on in there. I think you're great.
Raindancer.
Posted by DaisyM on April 14, 2004, at 20:05:45
In reply to I'm upset..., posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
Your approach makes sense, especially since there is a general feeling of "he doth protest too loud" around groups. I think your dignity will speak volumes.
It has always been my experience that individuals with an ax to grind are well known within the group. I bet there are other individuals who would welcome the chance to join the coffee meeters. Add them one or two at a time and see what happens.
I'm sorry you were hurt with misinformation. I'm glad you felt like you could share it here and get some support.
Take good care,
Daisy
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 15, 2004, at 22:03:24
In reply to Re: I'm upset..., posted by DaisyM on April 14, 2004, at 20:05:45
(((Daisy))),
>I bet there are other individuals who would welcome the chance to join the coffee meeters. Add them one or two at a time and see what happens.
>
<<<What a great Idea. Some have mobility problems but others may be curious and might like the coffee-klatch venue.Rod
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 15, 2004, at 22:04:20
In reply to I'm upset..., posted by 64Bowtie on April 13, 2004, at 14:40:31
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 15, 2004, at 22:14:39
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2004, at 21:14:09
(((Dinah))), Thanx for the good words...
It's not so much importance as priority for me. I just turn a little to my left and there is a whole other bunch enjoying my time, so I can focus on other groups and any new referral groups from the local pastors and professionals.
Rod
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.