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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
My little sister shot herself in the head, 2 yrs. on 3/28.Does anyone else understand the suicidal feelings I'm having?Dr. is working on my meds, but right now, I'm bi-polar, right now suicidal. I can't find any good reason to stay on this hellhole we all call earth! Can meds really help me overcome this feeling?I really just wish I had the strength my sister had, to pull the trigger! Then I remember my kids and my fiancee, and I dont do it! Yesterday, on the way to the Dr. I almost pulled out into an intersection, to end this pain and anger, but as usual I lost my nerve!
I'm in a terrible state, and need to climb out or dive in, soon!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 13:06:44
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
firstglazegirl,
First, I'm glad you posted. I can't imagine the pain of coping with the upcoming anniversary. Here is a cyberhug, as I have no words (((firstglazegirl)))Meds can help, but it sometimes takes trial and error. Are you on meds now? Are you seeing a doctor regularly to monitor you? Also, do you have a therapist you can call? Research is showing more and more that the most long lasting improvements can come with a combination of meds and psychtherapy. If you are not getting what you need to feel better, please give these a try.
Thinking of your kids and your fiance is a great coping resource. Please hang on to that. There are others here who have lost parents early in life, and they talk about how painful this was. Your kids deserve to have a mommy in their life. And I'm sure you are a good mother as you care for their wellbeing.
Is your fiance supportive? Also, it often helps to post here, just to get some support.
Take gentle care of yourself and welcome to Babble. You are never alone here.
gg
Posted by jay on March 25, 2004, at 14:56:19
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
Please get help..ASAP! Goto your nearest emergency room, or doctor, and please don't delay. Many of these new meds can cause suicidal feelings, as recently reported. It's not your fault..please get help, and take good care.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 25, 2004, at 15:52:39
In reply to Please get help ASAP... » firstglazegirl, posted by jay on March 25, 2004, at 14:56:19
I come from a long line of sucidal family members. Wait and take a breath. I know it's hard right now but keep your eyes on a goal. Not your sisters death. but a living goal. Your children doing something.....looking for colored eggs on Easter....or taking them out for a spring walk in the woods.... look for something to keep your hopes up.
There is a future.
You deserve to be in it. I want you to live.
I mean it.
Hold on to anything.....My sister, who tried to kill herself and is BP, now says that killing yourself is a "permanent solution to a temporary situation".
Please don't do it....Your life is more important to live.
Posted by shar on March 25, 2004, at 17:54:46
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
FGG,
Sorry, but I want to jump in, and do my broken record thing that everybody here is sick of. If you are not yet 50, you have not yet given life a chance, and should not commit suicide.Not that you shouldn't FEEL like doing it (I do, many others do), just that you SHOULD NOT do it yet.
I read that you have small children. I guarantee you do not want to mark them in the way that your sister's death marked you. I experienced the death of a parent at too young an age, and it is a heartbreak from which people do not recover. They may go on (as your children would), but they would not recover. They would grow up without a mother, something you may not be able to imagine.
I do not think any mom wants that for a legacy.
At any rate, you simply must wait until you are 50--if you give life a half a century and you've wanted to leave this veil of tears for most of that time....then, I think at 50, one deserves relief.
Shar
Posted by Karen_kay on March 25, 2004, at 19:45:30
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
I too am dx with Bipolar Disorder. And I've tried to commit suicide on two different occassions. And I'm 24 years old. And it took me about 4 years of antidepressant treatment before a doctor finally realized that I was Bipolar. Then, the routine of lithium and lamictal and lexapro and the various antipsychotics and other mood stabilizer, ADs, therapy and side effects. BUT!!!!! Now I take ONE COUNT it ONE mood stabilizer that works for me. And I feel UN-fricken-BELIEVABLE!
So, you asked if meds can help! I say ABSOLUTELY! The trick is finding the meds that work for you. It's a long, hard process. And I'm not going to lie to you and say it's easy. But I will tell you that it's worth it. SO WORTH IT! My life has changed so much since finding the meds that work for me, you wouldn't believe it. My depression has lifted (and I had to quit the med I'm taking for a while and could tell the difference) and the hypomania sometimes rears its head every once in a while. It's corrected relatively easily by upping my topamax just a bit. Meds have changed my life, with the help of a wonderful and talented therapist as well (not to mention my witty and great personality on top of everything else).
Don't give up on things. I know it's rough. And sometimes things still are rough for me as well. But, my Prine Charming med has given me the ability to fight my own personal demons head on. Keep posting on Babble. We'll help prop you up. I honestly can't say enough how much meds have changed my life. It's just a matter of finding the right one that works for you. Luckily I had a doctor that worked well with me and listened to my suggestions. He worked from his own personal knowledge and listened to me when I told him something wasn't working. I'm lucky to have a great team of experts. Just please, don't give up! We're here listening to you! And meds can make a difference. It really did in my life. I went from not being able to shower to being a full functioning human once again. Hey, I might even say I'm rather smart. Once again, DON'T GIVE UP! It just takes time!!!!!
I'd say to talk to your doctor (and do you see a therapist by the way?) and let him/her know that you aren't seeing relief from your current meds (what are you on????).... Talk about your options. Are you BipolarI or II? Are you taking a mood stabilizer? I'm taking topamax but I KNOW it doesn't work for many people and the side effects for many people are horrible. I'm lucky in that I can tolerate meds very well. If you need to talk dear, please feel free to email me at karen_kay12 at yahoo dot com... And, in case you haven't checked out this book, there's a very good book called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide"
Hang in there, ok...
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 25, 2004, at 23:02:42
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
I know what you're feeling. I went through a very rough patch just lately but I made it out.
I wish I had something more constructive, but try to remember that ideation (thinking even obsessing) about it and actually doing it are 2 totally different things. Remembering that helped get me through. Also, you may want to talk to a crisis worker and whatever you do, please keep posting here. I've been posting to this group for quite a while and people here are very supportive and nonjudgemental.
YOu have my deepest sympathies. I understand how painful it can be. Just take care of yourself, get whatever help you can and let us know how you are doing, okay?
Sending best possible vibes,
SDJ
Posted by firstglazegirl on March 26, 2004, at 9:58:54
In reply to I'm a newbie:wondering about suicide?, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:47:15
I made it thru one more nite, I haven't started feeling the effects of the higher doses of effexor, and lithobid, but I made it thru. I have to say thank you to GG, J, JN, S, KK, & SDJ, all your words of wisdom, made me pause and consider what my loved ones would feel, if I left that second. I hear so many different versions of why I'm so depressed, my DR. said my med levels were way to low, so he upped them, ALOT. My mom, who has been Bipolar, for ever, has quit her meds a couple months ago, and now tells me its the meds, and that I need a job, as if I could even begin to do a job, much less hold one, at this point, thank God my fiancee makes enough to keep us going. My daughters therapist told me yesterday, that he doesn't think my Sis, is at peace, which has totally thrown me for a loop, since that's what has been keeping me at peace with myself. So, I made it one more day anyway, and today, I can't make any promises, but today I'll try to make it one more day!!I'm going to call my case mgr. and ask for some suicide survivor grief groups, that I can try! As well as a good therapist for me!! So , thank you again, and I'll definately keep reading and posting here, because I think you all understand how I feel!
FGG
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