![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inthegloaming on March 1, 2004, at 8:41:55
this is a call-out to any children of well-known parents. my mum (now deceased) was quite reviered in her field and i'm still sorting out how her 'fame' affects me--her fans send me thinks, speak of her like a friend, she pops in magazine/newspaper articles... just wondering if anyone else can speak to the experience, as i'm young and want to know how it carries with you throughout your life.
thanks!
Posted by Angielala on March 1, 2004, at 9:47:00
In reply to kids of the famous? (and its impact), posted by inthegloaming on March 1, 2004, at 8:41:55
You need to remember you are your own person and that you aren't your mother. Perhaps you have some of her traits, but know that you get to be anyone you want- you get to be yourself...
When people act andspeak as if they knew her, or you, know that it's only their admiration that makes them this way. Soooo many people who have never had any real experience with being close to someone in the public eye have a hard time recognizing that people in the public eye are just people.
Start finding out who you are, what you want to do, your passions. Never forget where you came from and the wisdom you gained from your mother, but don't get caught in her shadow- you have a lot to give this world too :)
> this is a call-out to any children of well-known parents. my mum (now deceased) was quite reviered in her field and i'm still sorting out how her 'fame' affects me--her fans send me thinks, speak of her like a friend, she pops in magazine/newspaper articles... just wondering if anyone else can speak to the experience, as i'm young and want to know how it carries with you throughout your life.
> thanks!
Posted by Racer on March 1, 2004, at 12:47:03
In reply to kids of the famous? (and its impact), posted by inthegloaming on March 1, 2004, at 8:41:55
LOL! Yes, it's hard. My mother is internationally known and revered, and it's damned hard being in her shadow. I don't know how young you are, but I'm not all that young anymore, and I can offer you some insights I've come to about it.
First of all, when I say I was in my mother's shadow, here's an example of how deeply I mean that. When I was young, at the events we went to that required name tags, I'd write "Racer's Mom's Daughter" rather than my own name. These days, while I'll still add that in parentheses, I do write my own name in bigger letters on the tag first and above the note identifying me. In my younger days, though, I didn't even feel as if I had a real identity of my own. That's a very hard situation to be in.
At most of the events I attended with my mother, I had two "jobs" to do: protect my mother's reputation, and entertain/distract the crashing bores who had to be invited because of their historical standing. So, I wasn't just standing on the sidelines, but it wasn't an easy path to follow. Today, as a middle aged adult, I still have the same two jobs when I accompany my mother to events, but it "feels" different now. I think it's because I've created a separate identity for myself, and it feels more as if I'm doing something for my mother's comfort, rather than because I'm somehow required to do it. (And, since it's so much rarer an occurrence, it's just plain nice to see people who were such a part of my childhood and early adulthood.)
Third, my case is complicated because, to outsiders, it looks so much as if I'm "competing" with my mother. I know that our relationship is much more complex than that, and I know how much of that really is my mother competing with me, but it's still a charge leveled at me with a high degree of frequency. That hurts, especially because -- see job number one -- I don't want to tell anyone else what's really going on with that apparent competition.
The other complicating feature of my relationship with having a famous mother is that I really and truly and deeply enjoy her. I love going with her to these events, I wish they happened more often, and I always look forward to them a great deal. Especially to seeing my mother in her element. I love hearing how much people who are so well regarded in their own right respect, admire, and feel affection for my mother.
Of course, my mother is a big fish in a small pond, so it's not as if people on the street talk about her much. I've seen that sort of thing at work, though, being around the group of people involved. The funniest was someone talking about a dead rock star to his widow, without realizing it. She was very, very gracious, and did not reveal her status, but it was pretty surreal listening to it.
Funny you should bring it up right now, though. The former Librarian Of Congress died over the weekend, Daniel Boorstin, and he was one of my mother's admirers and acquaintances. I was mourning his death in my own way, and thinking about all of this myself this morning. Thank you for providing an opportunity to express some of it.
Posted by DaisyM on March 3, 2004, at 19:31:39
In reply to Did I write this? » inthegloaming, posted by Racer on March 1, 2004, at 12:47:03
My mom was another big fish in a small pond. She was one of those women who broke all the glass ceilings in the early 70s...you know, went up the corporate ladder AND raised 4 kids, etc. etc. At least she was divorced, of course this added to her "do it all" aura. She is a really great lady.
I look just like her. I dress like her. I hold an executive position like her. However, we've chosen very different fields (I'm in nonprofit) and our ideas about mothering are very different.
I am just realizing now how much impact she has had on me, good and bad, and how her retiring this year, with all the hoopla that went with it, made me realize what I have "not" done...yet?
I agree with everyone else. You have to see it for what it is, good and bad and be your own person. But you don't have to totally disregard all the good things you might be like your mom -- I KNOW this is where I learned to love shoes! LOL
Hang in. I know it is complicated and oh so hard to find the right path for ourselves. Keep trying. you'll find it.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.