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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 18, 2004, at 21:05:06
I just dropped my daughter off at her mom's house. It took 1/2 hour to get her out of the house. When we got there, she burst into tears and did not want me to leave. It was pretty hard for me to see this.
My daughter and I have a great relationship. She also has a great relationship with her mother.
The problem is my consistency. Because my work scedule is irregular and my illness causes problems, I can't keep up a regular parenting time schedule. My ex works with me on this.she knows I'm ill but no specifics.
Any suggestions?
Posted by antigua on February 18, 2004, at 23:20:38
In reply to HELP! 5 yr old daughter having separation anxiety!, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 18, 2004, at 21:05:06
Try to keep in mind that a lot of five year olds have separation anxiety, it's not all you.
antigua
Posted by All Done on February 19, 2004, at 0:03:44
In reply to HELP! 5 yr old daughter having separation anxiety!, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 18, 2004, at 21:05:06
SDJ,
It sounds like you love your daughter so much and obviously she loves you, too! All that love has to shine through when the two of you are together. I probably need to practice what I preach as I beat myself up everyday over sending my son to daycare, but try to make the most of the time you do have with her and enjoy it.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by DaisyM on February 20, 2004, at 19:07:34
In reply to HELP! 5 yr old daughter having separation anxiety!, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 18, 2004, at 21:05:06
Have you created transitional objects for her? Like a blanket that goes everywhere, or pillow, or animal,etc. Something special that you made or gave her? Also, a picture book with photos works really well. You and she can put it together so she can look at it when she is sad. Please remember to tell her it is OK for her to feel sad and that you do too. It is how we feel when we miss people we love.
It sounds like she is never sure that you are really coming back. Children this age think that if they get mad at you, they can hurt you some how. (Fine, I hate you if you are going to leave me here!) They feel really bad about that. So she needs to be told over and over and over again that you will ALWAYS come back, even if there are days in-between. Always.
Another thing we do with kids is play peek-a-boo (yes even 5 year olds still like it) and hide and seek. It is a theraputic way to remind them that just because you are out of sight you do still exist.
Final thing - I know she is very young, but if it gets really severe, try giving her a cell phone. Program your number and she gets to call you 3x a day (you pick, work out the schedule, whatever.) This way she always is connected to you. (get a prepaid one or find a way to keep it in a special place so she doesn't lose it.) This is powerful because she can talk to you as you close the door and drive away. Gently say, "OK, I'm at work now, I'm hanging up" might be easier than losing the connection is such a physcial way. Don't underestimate her terror of losing you. Don't assume she will out grow it without help. She will learn to bury it because "big girls" don't miss their mommy.
Hope this helps some. Good luck.
Daisy
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 21, 2004, at 0:58:01
In reply to Re: HELP! 5 yr old daughter having separation anxiety! » socialdeviantjeff, posted by DaisyM on February 20, 2004, at 19:07:34
Thanks for your replies.
When it comes to my daughter, I treasure all of the time I spend with her. It's also very difficult because she is at the age where my problems started. Granted, the circumstances are very different but it's still very hard sometimes.
She seems to have a hard time sharing her feelings sometimes. I think this has to do with her mother's family taking little jabs at me through her.
Anyway, we have been doing transitional sorts of objects through toys. Trying to get around to getting a picture she could have. She's not too big on having things from her mother here, but she has a cache of my stuff over there.
The biggest thing I struggle with is my inconcistency. Between illness and a irregular work schedule, I can't maintain a constant schedule. She knows I get "too sick" sometimes or that I don't always know when I work next.
This is the end of the thread.
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