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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 8, 2004, at 17:39:39
In reply to depressed girlfriend?, posted by Chep on January 8, 2004, at 16:00:17
> I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now, i feel that i am madly in love with her but theres a huge problem. She has a problem with depression and it is greatly effecting our relationship. I have tried many different methods to get her to open up to me and explain her problems, sometimes i can be a great help and others i drive her away like no other. When i do help though it seems that my efforts only last a matter of hours and her gloom is back. We have known one another for nearly 6 years now, and i am desperately trying to find a way to atleast regain the strong relationship we had, even if i cannot cure her of her depression, what should i do>?
Posted by stjames on January 8, 2004, at 18:06:09
In reply to depressed girlfriend? « Chep, posted by Dr. Bob on January 8, 2004, at 17:39:39
even if i cannot cure her of her depression, what should i do>?
No one can cure another of depression, just like you cannot cure someone of cancer. She needs to see
a doctor about this & you should concentrate your efforts on this.
Posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 21:21:24
In reply to depressed girlfriend? « Chep, posted by Dr. Bob on January 8, 2004, at 17:39:39
Depression makes emotional intimacy *very* hard. Please don't take her distance to heart. Depression makes it difficult to feel any positive emotions, and certainly hard to understand other people's positive emotions towards you. There have been times in my past when my family wanted to help me with my depression, and I was so walled off from everyone that i couldn't see it as a caring gesture - it felt like criticism. ("Get help! Not because we love you, but because you're an awful person to be with.") For me, defensiveness goes hand in hand with depression.Having said that - I don't know your girlfriend, or your relationship, or you. So how can you help? - I can't really say. But I think you would do well to let her know that you love her whether or not she's depressed, and maybe that means not approaching her depression as a "problem". It is very hard. Maybe going to couples' therapy would be helpful, if she would be open to that. It might give you a safe space to explain to her that you don't want to change her but you also don't want to lose her, and maybe having someone there to moderate your discussion will help her to see that the depression is not who she is as a person, the problems that you're havin are a result of depression but *not* of her, and maybe it would encourage her to try & beat the depression.
Let's hope.
good luck -
-r.
Posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 21:22:45
In reply to Re: depressed girlfriend? » Dr. Bob, posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 21:21:24
Posted by Bubbaleh on January 9, 2004, at 4:16:07
In reply to Re: depressed girlfriend? » Dr. Bob, posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 21:21:24
>
> Depression makes emotional intimacy *very* hard. Please don't take her distance to heart. Depression makes it difficult to feel any positive emotions, and certainly hard to understand other people's positive emotions towards you.I agree with these statements, but want to add that depressed people who are under treatment find emotional intimacy easier than previously, or at least that was my experience. Therapy and sometimes medication help alot in making intimacy possible and comfortable.
This is the end of the thread.
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