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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 29, 2003, at 3:16:11
For a while I feel like a total failure. The next minute I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I don't know. I try to remember the good in my childhood and nothing comes. I don't want my daughter to have the same problem. I don't want her to be tainted by the stigma of my illness. I know people with serious problems. Cystic fibrosis, diabetes, etc. I would trade places with one of them in a heartbeat. Most people I know have no clue about what really happens in my life. A lot of people complain about not being able to "think straight". I can never seem to "feel straight".
Most mornings I wake up and just want to curl up and die. Other mornings I wonder why I don't feel that way. Maybe die isn't the best thing. I'd settle for a comfortably numb limbo.
I've been grappling for years with the work problem. I've quit or been fired from so many jobs. I'm lucky that my current manager is understanding. She is way better than my old manager whom I filed numerous complaints about. Now he is in some serious hot water, thanks to me and some other people. I was actually persecuted and it wasn't a delusion. Who would have thought? I just hit the six month mark there, which is a minor miracle for me.
Anyway, it's time to try to go to bed. Be back tomorrow.....
Posted by kara lynne on December 31, 2003, at 1:45:14
In reply to I'm on my soapbox again, posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 29, 2003, at 3:16:11
Hi sdj,
Congratulations on your six month mark; evidence that you are not a failure. You sound like a very self aware and compassionate person. One thing you could do not to let your illness affect your daughter is to stick around. I'm sure she would choose to have her father, illness or not, around to love her.
Posted by Camille Dumont on December 31, 2003, at 11:20:31
In reply to I'm on my soapbox again, posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 29, 2003, at 3:16:11
Congratulation! I can relate on the problem with work. Every time some little crap happens at work, I have this almost uncontrollable urge to just quit ... right then and now.
I'm sort of lucky for not being physically sick much (like colds and such) so I can keep my sick days for when I feel to crappy to come to work ... and I have to ask doctors to write some mumbo-jumbo on my little slips so they won't know what I really have.
I've seen what happens when people know you have a mental illness in the workplace. If your depressed ... its you who's just whiny and unmotivated ... and if its something else ... then you're "crazy" and they're afraid of you ... thinking your always about to "snap" and go on a rampage.
Its also a pain not to be able to tell people about it. I may be in the public service, I KNOW I`ll be discriminated against if I ever tell. Instead people just wonder why I'm so evasive when the side effects become funky. Had my boss ask me if I had cardiac problems ... and with the "petit mal" episodes from meds, he thought I had epilepsy or something similar.
Hang in there with that job ... a understanding superior is something to be cherished.
This is the end of the thread.
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