Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by EscherDementian on November 24, 2003, at 20:59:03
But sanity's another question altogether...
Posted by femlite on November 25, 2003, at 0:33:10
In reply to Hello All... returned to home , posted by EscherDementian on November 24, 2003, at 20:59:03
HELLLLO, ESCHER
Where did you go? What are these mysterious little trips that spirit you away form time to time?
Look for you later
Good NIght
You did not answer the quetion of my last post
Do you write? for yourself or professionally?You are a poet
Good night dear
Posted by shar on November 25, 2003, at 13:48:52
In reply to Re: Hello All... returned to home » EscherDementian, posted by femlite on November 25, 2003, at 0:33:10
Welcome back.
We all here (ok, probably many of us) wonder about the sanity issue. I figured this morning I was going insane because of dreams I've been having.
God or Satan? In one, God was this guy that had on a golf sweater, khakis, middle aged, not tons of hair, nondescript sort of like bob Newhart), and I was delivering something to a building and everybody was saying 'go there' or 'no, it's over there' and really brusque. And nobody expected the delivery. Then, out stepped this fellow, and he smiled real big, and said "Of course I know you, and what you're doing! I've known you for years! It's so wonderful to see you, please come in my office." And I felt SUCH a HUGE WAVE of PEACE come over me, it was amazing and incredible. Then, I thought, yes, but is that god or satan?
Then, this morning, as I was waking up a voice spoke right in my head and said "Evil is afoot."
Well, just great.
Anyhow, there's a tiny snapshot of how my saner moments go. I guess we're sane as long as we can wonder if we aren't?
Shar
Posted by tabitha on November 26, 2003, at 3:10:05
In reply to Re: Hello All... returned to home--Esch, posted by shar on November 25, 2003, at 13:48:52
When I first read your post, I thought you said 'God or Santa'. It makes sense that way, too. So much for my saner moments.
Posted by EscherDementian on December 1, 2003, at 18:43:05
In reply to Hello All... returned to home , posted by EscherDementian on November 24, 2003, at 20:59:03
Hiya ....
Thanx for the hellos :)
Sorry, been miserably down in a very depressed black hole. (God or Satan indeed, Shar ;)
On a good day, been wondering about that business of dopamine cancelling out seratonin or something like that read in previous posts... been dreadful down... so my pdoc changed my zoloft to luvox and regular adderall to the xtended release, but 2weeks later and then some and no benefits yet... <<~deep sigh~>> *that seems to exhaust all my remaining energy today*
On a not-good-but-frighteningly-'normal'-these-days-day, i can't seem to see my way clear to thinking it's a chemical problem, but rather the problem of a faulty existence of my soul.
These past days (weeks? i've slept thru too much time) when i've awakened i look around and ask "are you STILL here?" and pull the blankets up over my head again. wonder who turned the gravity up. and i'm so tired. Can't seem to bring myself to taking all my vitamins & suppliments & teas... takes too much energy and i haven't the will to support the life, it seems.(*blush* i'm so sorry to sound so down, but my usual healing humour just isn't available *anywhere*, i can't find it).
Thanx for the hellos, i really mean that. if anyone has any suggestions or ideas for me, please post? i'm not logging in as often, but i will again, i know. I have fond memories of discovering PB/middle-of-the-night 'lurking'/finally posting, in my unwashed PJs and matted hair... Did me some good.
Please post if you might have some help to share.
i'm way bejond feeling like a one-legged contestant in an a*s-kicking contest... my soul's worn out at the knee.Escher
Posted by femlite on December 1, 2003, at 23:18:56
In reply to Re: Hello All... um...help?, posted by EscherDementian on December 1, 2003, at 18:43:05
Hi Escher,
I am so sorry your feeling down.
Im not sure my paticular brand of cheering up is compatible to yours, but I want you to know I really appriciate you. Your a beautiful, talented soul. Thank you for the three letter day we shared.
Lots of hugs to you
((((((Escher)))))))
sending knee patch wishes your way> Hiya ....
>
> Thanx for the hellos :)
>
> Sorry, been miserably down in a very depressed black hole. (God or Satan indeed, Shar ;)
>
> On a good day, been wondering about that business of dopamine cancelling out seratonin or something like that read in previous posts... been dreadful down... so my pdoc changed my zoloft to luvox and regular adderall to the xtended release, but 2weeks later and then some and no benefits yet... <<~deep sigh~>> *that seems to exhaust all my remaining energy today*
> On a not-good-but-frighteningly-'normal'-these-days-day, i can't seem to see my way clear to thinking it's a chemical problem, but rather the problem of a faulty existence of my soul.
> These past days (weeks? i've slept thru too much time) when i've awakened i look around and ask "are you STILL here?" and pull the blankets up over my head again. wonder who turned the gravity up. and i'm so tired. Can't seem to bring myself to taking all my vitamins & suppliments & teas... takes too much energy and i haven't the will to support the life, it seems.
>
> (*blush* i'm so sorry to sound so down, but my usual healing humour just isn't available *anywhere*, i can't find it).
> Thanx for the hellos, i really mean that. if anyone has any suggestions or ideas for me, please post? i'm not logging in as often, but i will again, i know. I have fond memories of discovering PB/middle-of-the-night 'lurking'/finally posting, in my unwashed PJs and matted hair... Did me some good.
> Please post if you might have some help to share.
> i'm way bejond feeling like a one-legged contestant in an a*s-kicking contest... my soul's worn out at the knee.
>
> Escher
Posted by shar on December 2, 2003, at 15:45:27
In reply to Re: Hello All... um...help?, posted by EscherDementian on December 1, 2003, at 18:43:05
Oh, Esch,
I wish I had help to share. Perhaps the best right now is to know you are in a community that has been there (or IS there). The sedation, matted hair, pj's.....it sounds so normal to me. Not on the meds I'm on now thanks to some, but, definitely before. I used to love the yummy feeling of being able to go to sleep anytime I wanted (of course, that required being unemployed, going broke, etc.).So, all I can say is I understand the losses of energy, full functioning, self-confidence (if you feel any of that)--and I know some people have come through it.
Sorry, that's the best I can offer. I'm glad you are back and posting--even if only occasionally. There are so many of us out there.
Take care,
Shar
Posted by EscherDementian on December 2, 2003, at 17:51:48
In reply to Re: Hello All... um...help? » EscherDementian, posted by shar on December 2, 2003, at 15:45:27
Thank you for the warmth and encouragement, Femlite and Shar... i'm feeling a little better today... must be that yummy sleep of yours, Shar... or maybe it's the awesome knee patch, Femlite ;)
In stinky PJs and tangled i-don't-care-hair,
i'm glad to be among 'us out there' with you here...
in the right place to be real.Thanx again, friends
Escher
Posted by EscherDementian on December 2, 2003, at 22:37:04
In reply to Re: Hello All... returned to home--Esch, posted by shar on November 25, 2003, at 13:48:52
THAT'S an interesting dream, Shar...
Bob Newhart??i doubt it's satan if you felt peace and expansive. My own instincts about the satan principle is that one would feel like they were oppressively condensing into a bondage turmoil...
It almost sounds like you met up with your/a higher 'self'... the delivery = transcendence (*laugh*: delivered"UPS"?) a step above the current common strivings... evil DOES come up from the 'beneath' part of our lives... Was your 'golfer' wearing cleats!? ;)Where did the dream leave you when you woke up?
i love dreaming. do you usually notice and remember yours?
Escher
Wonders if 'insanity' = IN-->sanity , therefore ~?
Posted by EscherDementian on December 3, 2003, at 0:10:45
In reply to Re: Hello All... returned to home » EscherDementian, posted by femlite on November 25, 2003, at 0:33:10
Hi Femlite :)
Do you write too?? i don't 'professionally'...but i've participated in a few poetry readings & had a couple poems and things small-scale published that were chosen or submitted by musician friends and a couple of my teachers. i've had a half-hatched dream that someday i'll get serious about it again and get my stuff together (and my courage) and seriously present it publicly... My writing has been mostly just because it happens- because i enjoy expressing myself that way or exorcising my demons (or exercising them... ;)
i've been to a few really inspiring art/calligraphy shows recently that have me fired up about presenting my writing in paintings. Have you ever seen this kind of work? Took my breath away. The words and letters looked/sounded like what they were saying. i've dabbled in pen&inks like that, but these were MASTERPIECES... i'd like to do work like that, with my own writing/images.
And i have a couple books i've written that could stand a dusting off, cleaning up, or completing...(*blush*) and manuscripting properly to submit. If not to submit, i want at least to clean them up to be enjoyed... *sigh*; someday the courage...How 'bout you?
And You have horses don't you?Escher
Posted by shar on December 3, 2003, at 20:43:07
In reply to Re: Dreams » shar, posted by EscherDementian on December 2, 2003, at 22:37:04
Good questions, Esch.
I don't remember any cleats, just the 'golfing sweater' that dad used to wear, and a luxiourious (sp) feeling of such peace and contentment. Like, I was SO welcome! And, it's a rare feeling for me. Exceedingly rare.
I don't remember too many dreams after I wake up, but I do have the 'sup sups' that indicate I've been crying.
Go figure, right?
Thanks for your response! I'm very glad you're back.
Shar
Posted by femlite on December 4, 2003, at 0:08:00
In reply to Re: Unanswered question » femlite, posted by EscherDementian on December 3, 2003, at 0:10:45
Hi EscherDementia,
Only my homework and for you ;-) (As well as for a few hundred individuals on PB, but who’s counting, eh?)
No, I’ve thought about it, Seems inhuman not to.
I’m still looking for my voice, which was stolen away, practically at birth.Maybe someday.
I love your writing. You are a brilliant individual. I’m sorry if I sound flattering. It is such an overused "virtue" now days, but I am sincere. You have a truly distinctive voice.
Poetry and being published even on a small scale must be very fulfilling. Anytime a labor of love is appreciated is such a gift. Its like hearing a voice when you expected no more than an echo.
What type of writing do you enjoy?Horses, a subject I love, only second to my kids.
You would love the book "The TAO OF EQUUS"
Well, that’s of course, if you like horses.
It’s incredible.
We just sold the last of our little herd, a Mustang. It was hard for my oldest, but I know she was loosing confidence on him. So now she’s taking lessons. We're hoping to move in the spring. If the circumstances allow, perhaps we'll own again. But I don’t think any one in this house, minds the idea of sleeping in a bit this winter.The idea you mentioned to Shar, (on sanity), got me thinking about an article I once read. (Still looking for a copy of it)
It was a fascinating account of how many tribal peoples feel that a "psychotic break" of some kind is actually a requirement to becoming a shaman or spiritual leader, a see-er of the unseen.
Here of course such people are strapped to beds.
And in my spiritual tradition, they ("the different ones") are called beloved by God and treated with extremely special consideration.
We (Americans) have so far to go or we've lost the way and wont soon find it again. I can’t say which.Well I’ve babbled on about myself a bit.
I hope your spirit is moving, dearest, and if its dwelling in one place, well, its in good company.
I, myself, am feeling manic. To me, that means I am moving at the speed of light and others seem to be standing still (translate; in my way). Its not something I can control, or it might be rather useful. While I do get a lot done, it seems, it controls me. I find it difficult to avoid anger when those who are in front of me, IMHO, should be in the slow lane. My road rage extends to the kitchen, the classroom, and everywhere slower-than-me-ness strikes.
It’s been sort of a long bout this time. Time to tweak the meds no doubt.Sometimes when I think of the Northwest, I remember a Tom Robbins novel I read when I was many years younger, about an eccentric blueberry growing family living in Oregon and a woman with beautiful red hair. I cant recall the name of it now, and might be embarrassed to recall the story in more intimate detail, but I loved his way with a pen. I remember a quote I thought apropos, "Tom Robbins writes, like Dolly Parton looks" Such a delightfully picturesque description!
A variety of writings inspire me and what inspires me evolves as I do.
I think Ive seen the writing calligraphy you mentioned, but not much and not recently. I love Japanese art/calligraphy. It sounds facinating.
Are you reading anything at the moment?
Keep in touch
PS What color are your PJs?
> Hi Femlite :)
>
> Do you write too?? i don't 'professionally'...but i've participated in a few poetry readings & had a couple poems and things small-scale published that were chosen or submitted by musician friends and a couple of my teachers. i've had a half-hatched dream that someday i'll get serious about it again and get my stuff together (and my courage) and seriously present it publicly... My writing has been mostly just because it happens- because i enjoy expressing myself that way or exorcising my demons (or exercising them... ;)
>
> i've been to a few really inspiring art/calligraphy shows recently that have me fired up about presenting my writing in paintings. Have you ever seen this kind of work? Took my breath away. The words and letters looked/sounded like what they were saying. i've dabbled in pen&inks like that, but these were MASTERPIECES... i'd like to do work like that, with my own writing/images.
> And i have a couple books i've written that could stand a dusting off, cleaning up, or completing...(*blush*) and manuscripting properly to submit. If not to submit, i want at least to clean them up to be enjoyed... *sigh*; someday the courage...
>
> How 'bout you?
> And You have horses don't you?
>
> Escher
>
>
>
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