![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
This is a little long, but I hope you will read it. This is a real "What the fuck??" kind of story.
I don't know if anybody remembers me on here..I haven't posted in a long time. Lately I felt that I was doing better. But last night I had a huge argument with my therapist, and it was during the group therapy that she and another therapist lead. I am disgusted with her because she criticizes and judges me, and has lied to me. She derides me if I don't do the workbook stuff. One time when I told her I was repelled at the idea of f*cking a man old enough to be my father, she called me "age-ist". What the f*ck?? I had so much faith in her when I started seeing her a year ago, but she is such a disappointment.
In the group last night, we argued about this (isn't in unprofessional for a therapist to *argue* with a client? Jeez...) I see her in individual therapy, and that's where most of the problems occurred. The rest of the group knew little of the details, but they immediately took up for my therapist. People usually give doctors the benefit of the doubt, I've learned. She started to practically yell at me, leaning out of her chair toward me, to the point that the other therapist had to get her to pull herself together and sit back. What the hell?? It seems like our therapy "relationship" is more about her than me, or else she wouldn't have these horrible reactions. I think she needs to be in therapy.
She wanted to bring up things from our individual therapy, which I consider a breach of confidentiality. This woman is a horrible bitch. Although I have benefitted from a lot of the things we did in therapy, she has majorly f*cked up many times and been downright abusive to me.
I need help. I have no friends much less close friends and can't talk to my family. There is no one I can talk to when I'm screaming inside from how horrible I feel. I don't pity myself. It's that there are things people need, we need to be cared about, to have people in our lives. I feel hated, worthless, and misunderstood.
Posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 18:20:37
In reply to God I'm so sad. :..( I hope you will read this , posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
If you really have concerns aobut your therapist, is it possible to begin with a new one? If you feel that she is personally assulting you, it is better to find one that you can form a better personal attatchment with. From what you explained it does sound as if she was off base during your session. You may want to let her know during your individual session that you feel as if she was attacking you during the group session. However, if you feel that you can work through these issues together maybe you should stick with her. I'm not sure how much time you have invested with her, or your financial situation. Sometimes therapists make mistakes as well. I think the best thing to do is to let her know how she made you feel during that session. That way you may be able to work through it. The funny thing aobut therapy is that it tends to mimic real relationships as well. And you mentioned that she has helped you in the past as well, so she'll continue to help in the future.
You mentioned that you don't have many close frineds to talk to. It's important to get your feelings out. Be sure to keep posting on here. We'll keep posting back!
Good luck! Karen
Posted by sienna on November 19, 2003, at 22:10:54
In reply to God I'm so sad. :..( I hope you will read this , posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
hi PhoenixGirl
im sorry WOW what a terrible thing. You are not wrong, i am sure of that. i think you are definitely right its unethical. can you talk to the other therapist leading the group? I thik it might be time to find a new one.
Im sorry you are feelign so badly. I know those feelings. What thigns do you think you would say if you had someone to talk to? Do you think it woul dhelp to write some of them here?
Ill be around here and there tonite. You are right there ARE thigns people need. Its not pity. Ill be here for a bit.
sienna
Posted by fallsfall on November 20, 2003, at 7:18:14
In reply to God I'm so sad. :..( I hope you will read this , posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
I agree with Sienna that you should talk to the other group leader. Call it a "Consultation". You can either tell your current therapist or not before you see the other one. The other one can help you identify reality from fantasy and help you come up with a strategy for dealing with your current therapist (either working things out or switching). If you switch therapists, what happens to your group?
This is a hard situation. Good luck
Posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 7:34:51
In reply to i remember you » PhoenixGirl, posted by sienna on November 19, 2003, at 22:10:54
I remember you too. Are you still in Atlanta?
I don't know about talking to the other therapist. I certainly don't think she would/could talk to you about your individual therapy and my guess is that the message you would get is that you need to discuss with your own therapist what you feel about the way she treats you in the group. Also, as a rule, professionals are loathe to step on the toes of their colleagues.
I do think you owe it to yourself to be honest with your therapist about how you feel she's been treating you and about your concerns about the dynamics of your relationship. She may have some concerns as well. If she's at all good, she should be able to help you reach a decision about whether the 2 of you can get past this or whether it's just not going to work. As bitter a pill as this is to swallow, the therapeutic relationship does teach us things that are helpful to other relationships, so it's best to at least figure out what's really going on between the 2 of you.
I'm sorry things aren't going as well as you'd like.
Mair
Posted by SLS on November 20, 2003, at 7:42:16
In reply to God I'm so sad. :..( I hope you will read this , posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
Hi PG.
I really don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that I find your therapist's behavior to be outrageous. I think it is important for you to understand that she is sabotaging your treatment, and that you will only suffer setbacks if you continue with her. The thought of "rocking the boat" and seeking a change in therapists must be frightening and depressing both. However, I find it encouraging that you stood your ground such as to argue with her rather than accept unconditionally her berating of you. She's got problems. They sound like big ones. Don't let her mental illness affect your mental health.
You will rise from the ashes once again!
Good luck.
- Scott
Posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 9:04:51
In reply to Re: i remember you, posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 7:34:51
Having read Scott's post, I guess I wanted to clarify that my suggestion that you discuss this with your therapist was not meant as an endorsement of her behavior. Without having been there, I tend to agree with Scott that her behavior sounds awfully unprofessional. Has she pulled stunts like this during individual therapy sessions?
Mair
Posted by PhoenixGirl on November 20, 2003, at 17:08:59
In reply to I need to clear up one thing, posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 9:04:51
I really want to say thanks to each one of you for your support. It feels so good to know that there are good people on earth. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that.
My therapist's behavior is worse in individual therapy than in the group. Mainly because she doesn't talk as much in the group, since there are other people who want to talk. I also believe that it's easier for her in the individual therapy because I'm the only one there.
I've talked to her about the problems a lot. She really resists what I'm saying. I asked her recently if she thinks she has done anything wrong, and she said the only thing she did wrong was not to do as much cognitive therapy as originally planned. She is awfully insecure. Sometimes she looks like she is about to cry in our sessions...though that's sad, it's very unprofessional and a therapist shouldn't put a client through that.
It's very true that doctors won't step on each others toes. Especially the other therapist in the group, because he works with her so much, and if he agreed with any criticism of her, it would create tension in his daily life. I learned about doctors covering each others backs...I learned the hard way, when my Lasik doctor did horrific things to me (long story), and the doctors I saw afterward covered his ass in my medical records.
I'm ready to be done with this woman, and move on to a healthy therapy relationship. I owe it to myself.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2003, at 17:54:29
In reply to Re: I need to clear up one thing, posted by PhoenixGirl on November 20, 2003, at 17:08:59
I don't often say this, but it sounds as if it's time to move on. :(
It's difficult but will probably yield better results in the long run.
Posted by shar on November 21, 2003, at 16:31:02
In reply to God I'm so sad. :..( I hope you will read this , posted by PhoenixGirl on November 19, 2003, at 16:54:56
I do remember you, and fondly, too.
I believe in therapy there are places for arguments--but more in the vein of "I'm so pissed you did this" or "I hate it that ...whatever" and being angry at one's therapist is fine.
However, from the limited knowledge I have, I don't think it is appropriate for a therapist to call one names (ageist) or for a therapist to bring up something in group that was discussed in individual therapy without prior permission.
I guess (from my screwy viewpoint) the point in fighting with one's therapist is to (1) take a stance and assert oneself, and hold on to that, (which is SO hard for me). And, (2) to learn that people can fight and not disappear. That is, that I can say to my T "I'm so angry about this" and she doesn't go away. A novelty in my life.
But, I'm inclined to agree with Dinah and others on this one. Maybe time for change or (if you really like her) to have a talk like a Dutch Uncle. Or, add a therapist to individual sessions (if you really want to keep on with her) for a while, who can navigate some of these waters.
Best of luck. Life is hard, and I'm sorry about that (for ALL of us!).
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.