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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
I am really, REALLY tired of being depressed. It's been bad for a year and a half, now. I go to therapy, I take meds, I go to med docs and pdocs. I make my life simple and get away from bad people. I have good friends.
But I'm still depressed. Sometimes, as I'm sure most of you know, it's just horrible. I am really, REALLY sick of doing everything I know how to do to make it better....why won't it go away?
The "helpless" feeling I have over my own MIND really doesn't help depression, ya know?
Anyway, I've been up here alone in Canada for 2 weeks. It's been horrible/OK/great/bad/OK....
but now I'm ready to go home. It's an 11 hour drive, and I'm worried I'll crash and die or something....and this is "so" not anything I used to worry about. I LOVE road trips like this...
What else can I do to make it go away....??? Please, someone, tell me that it will get better, cuz most of the time, now, I just don't know....
Susan
Posted by fallsfall on September 5, 2003, at 13:12:47
In reply to What's the Deal w/Depression???? Help! , posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
When you figure out how to make it go away, let me know. This bout has been a year and a half so far for me. It's frustrating when you think you are doing everything that everyone tells you to do - but it is still a problem. Changing therapists was a good thing for me, but I don't think that I would recommend that everyone in the world change therapists.
Your road trip. My depression makes it hard for me to concentrate when I'm driving - it makes me fall asleep (sort of). I try hard not to drive more than 1/2 hour away, but there are times recently when I've needed to drive 1 1/2 hours (to a funeral). I stock up on those little carrots (they take a while to eat if you chew them a lot, don't have too many calories, keep pretty well, I like them), Smarties (Little disc shaped candies in a roll, I like them because it is easy to eat them slowly - one little piece at a time), Tootsie Rolls (the little ones, for when chocolate is necessary), soda with caffeine. It also helps to listen to a book on tape (music doesn't help me much). Is there anyone riding with you? If so, tell them that their job is to keep you awake. You can play the alphabet game (look on signs to find each letter in alphabetical order). Other things you did in the car as a kid??
If you find yourself falling asleep. STOP. I didn't once, and I didn't have an accident but I easily could have. Get off at an exit and find a grocery store. Walk around - the different visual stimulation is helpful. Buy some grapes.
Please be careful.
Posted by Tabitha on September 5, 2003, at 15:29:48
In reply to What's the Deal w/Depression???? Help! , posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
I wish I had an answer. It's frustrating when you're doing all the right things to take care of yourself, and still have depression. I've been doing the meds/therapy/support group thing to varying degrees for over 10 years. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's still there. Overall it's gotten better, but slowly, very slowly. I have a lot more good days and good weeks than before. And I'm nearly always certain my life won't end in suicide. For me the cumulative therapy has been the most important thing. Although, when I'm mad at my therapist, I usually think therapy is useless, and it's just the meds that are helping. So... I don't have an answer.
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 5, 2003, at 17:09:47
In reply to What's the Deal w/Depression???? Help! , posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
Oy, thats a tough one, I think your being on a relatively new medication, and then taking a trip destabilized you, so you're feeling pretty hopeless right now.
Thats just a guess, but you haven't been on the Wellbutrin that long have you?
Depression's a tightrope, and something like a trip can make you feel completely out of control.
Before I was stabilized on medications, (its an ongoing thing with me, its not for everyone)
having a change in my daily routine could sink me.So I think you might feel a bit more hopeful, and be able to really tell how the medication is working once you're back at home for a while, in familiar surroundings.
The feeling that things are never going to change is simply a side-effect of the depression, so don't worry, it will get better.It might take a little more tinkering with your meds, and yes it is hell, but personally I think the fact that you could take a trip and have a good time at ALL says something good about your medication. You aren't your old self yet, but give it some time. If nothing else it teaches you patience.
Posted by Susan J on September 8, 2003, at 12:21:43
In reply to What's the Deal w/Depression???? Help! , posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
Thank you guys, as always, for being so supportive.
My trip ended up being fairly cool by the end of it....just in time to go home. :-)
But one of the things that has made me really depressed, or at least helped keep me there when I was trying to get away from it, is a very unhealthy relationship with a male friend. He wasn't even a boyfriend, even though it had all the drama of that.
He's the guy, in case any of you remember reading my post, that swore up and down that he loved me, that I was his best friend, etc. but that he wasn't ready to date anyone, not even me....and then I called him one night feeling pretty darned close to suicide, wanted someone to cheer me up a bit, and he just told me to call my therapist because that's what I paid her for.
Nice, huh? Treats me lower than an animal, and we were supposed to be friends. That's not how *I* treat my friends. That's not even how I'd treat people I didn't really care for....
Anyway, been taking the past few months to get over him, get away from him, and so on. I get back to work and he has sent me an e-mail (we work together, unfortunately).
Wants to see me, something big has happened in his life, and he needs to talk to me.....
Turns out he had been up in Canada too(which annoys me I don't know why), hanging out at a cabin with some friends, and they crucified him for how he treated me. He *now* sees the error of his ways, he's horribly sorry that he hurt me so badly, and he asked my forgiveness, and wants us to be friends again.
Now I guess *I'm* the bad guy cuz I have a really hard time forgiving him or not being mad at him or whatever.
I told him he doesn't deserve my friendship, so apology accepted but I don't want to talk to him. Ever.
But of course, I'm now obsessing about him, hurting by reliving the bad stuff he's done to me....
It's one of those times I just can't control my brain.....I just keep thinking about him. I mean, he's the first person in my *life* that I actually felt true hatred toward. I hoped he'll have cruddy relationships from now on, that someone, or a few someones would break his heart as badly as he broke mine.
Healthy of me, huh? :-) And I really don't see a way to make it a healthy relationship...*ever*. And even *that* depresses me, because we really really did have strong feelings for one another.
And the only thing, I think, that would make me feel better is that if he fell stupid head over heels in love with me, wanted only me, and declared his undying love for me.....and I just totally reject him.
Even healthier, huh? No wonder I'm screwed up.
Comments? Advice?
Susan
Posted by fallsfall on September 8, 2003, at 15:59:35
In reply to Depression Men Arrrrrrgh!, posted by Susan J on September 8, 2003, at 12:21:43
Revenge is sweet - just keep it in your fantasies!
The way I see it. You were right to be mad at him originally. It is a good thing that he sees the error of his ways. But that does not mean that you will stop being mad.
I think that you were completely right to forgive, but not reestablish the friendship. That makes perfect sense to me. Sometimes you are just too mad to go back.
You need to mourn what was lost. And then move on.
There is one person I hate. He used to be my boss and after I worked really hard he took my group away from me and wouldn't speak to me. That was 13 years ago. I still hate him. He tried to get a job where I was working, and I told them not to hire him. I don't hate anyone else.
If you are lucky, your hate will disolve into annoyance.
You are under no obligation to be friends with him.
Posted by EscherDementian on September 12, 2003, at 19:46:25
In reply to What's the Deal w/Depression???? Help! , posted by Susan J on September 5, 2003, at 12:55:43
You mentioned that you were in Canada for 2weeks...Did your depression sink further while you were there? Is home a very sunny place? (Or at least closer to the equator then Canada is to the pole?)
This may have nothing to do with it for you, but there is some very real credence to the effects of the sun's spectrum on our psyches. In Canada, as also in Puget Sound, even in summer it doesn't get the full spectrum of light. Makes people depressed. That's why long time residents vacation "south for the winter", and newbie residents buy full-spectrum lightbulbs for inside their homes. Even experienced old-timer residents do that sometimes, too. Trust me, i know.
It may be a small thing: light. But i don't think so ;)
Escher
Thinks a Light Bulb is cheaper than therapy
And might even work better than Duct Tape!
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