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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 13:15:10
In reply to Anyone here today?, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 11:52:09
Hi yesac,
Glad you're feeling better today. Large crowds and lack of chick peas would annnoy anyone.What med are you on now? Nine weeks seems like a pretty good trial--although some might argue. But even a dosage adjustment might help. Maybe you can sneak in a call to the doc from work--otherwise Tuesday isn't too far off.
I feel worse as the weekend nears. For some reason it makes me think of my ex more, what he's doing, who he's with. I'm trying to bring the focus back to myself, but I don't like it there. I wish I had more weekend options, or friends to hang out with. Real friends.
It's suffocating hot here. I still haven't unpacked, and I realized one of the reasons is because I don't completely want to be here. I think subconsciously I still have my bags packed (although you couldn't pay me to move again right now). The people next to me are a bunch of cigarette smoking 80's relics--- the 18 year old sounds like he's talking through a megaphone.
I feel like I'm living in a trailor park.
Aaahh.
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 13:15:13
In reply to re: .....Did you hear..about The Buddhist » gabbix2, posted by lil' jimi on August 13, 2003, at 22:54:17
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:01:56
In reply to Anyone here today?, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 11:52:09
hi yesac!
i'm here! ... ... good to read you!
> Hi everybody!
>
> I must say this thread's getting very long!! It makes me feel special - kind of ridiculous, but I like it when a thread I start or am integrally involved with gets to be so long!
>
> I feel pretty good today, actually. Yesterday I felt pretty terrible. I saw my therapist and that was fine, but I just felt terrible. Went to Walmart and felt tremendously annoyed with the large crowds and the lack of chick peas and low fat sliced cheese and egg whites (it's not a super walmart so they only have a few aisles of food). I was gonna be so pissed off if they didn't have Equate brand Cetaphil - luckily, I got the last one. They didn't have my yarn again, and neither did Michael's. I don't know if I'll ever be able to finish my blanket. I might end up having to special order the yarn for heaven's sake!
>
> Anyways, I was going to call my psychiatrist this morning to see if I can see him sooner than next Tuesday, but then I didn't have time before I left for work and I don't really want to do it from work. I still would like to see him sooner, because I am just so tired of waiting, thinking that if I give a drug another few days maybe it will do something. I mean, it's been 9 weeks and it hasn't done sh*t, so why should a few more days matter? I might as well just get off it right now. I hope I can see him tomorrow or at least Monday. I really want to discuss what to do next, because something needs to change.
>
> How are you guys doing today?
>
> It's really hot and humid here.... ... and really glad you're feeling better there ... ...
... ... sorry your med hasn't been helpful ... ... parnate, right?
... ... good luck with your doc there ....we went from surface of the sun HOT late last week TO tropical monsoon jungle rain forest this week and for the next week ... ... have had the blessing of an inch of rain yesterday with 70% chance today and more to come ....
... thunderstorms and rainy here in austin ...love,
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:04:07
In reply to re: Anyone here today?, posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:01:56
i started writing the above post 2 hours ago ... ... ... just got back from a late lunch with my boss .... .... only got to finally post it just now ....
sorry!
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:12:44
In reply to Re: Anyone here today?, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 13:15:10
hi kara lynne!
you and our sweet yesac and y'all's weekend evasions ... ... what can we do to help you guys have fun in general and have fun on the weekend?
Unpack, already ... ... let yourself settle in ... ... relax about it ... ... neighbors, what are you going to do about 'em? ... ... they're like on-site reality entertainment ... ... maybe like negative role models to reject, while inspiring us to transcend ... ... to new heights!
and _Don't Call Him!_
(where's that list i made for you? ... i got it here somewheres!) ....<<tease-kid-playing>>! ....okay?
take care!!
~ jim
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:16:22
In reply to Re: Anyone here today?, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 13:15:10
Hi KL... glad you're here!
Well, my meds right now are: Parnate 90mg and Neurontin 600mg. I just went off Lamictal and have been off of it since Monday - no problems there with either withdrawal or feeling differently, so I guess I know it really wasn't doing anything. The Neurontin I've only been on for 2 weeks, although it seems like longer. It's the Parnate that I'm thinking I'll go off of. Like, 60mg is the maximum recommended dose, but I've seen that people sometimes go a lot higher, so I put myself up to 90 just to see. And now I think, well should I try going up to 120? But at some point, you just have to make the decision to stop. The other thing is that I could try adding lithium, but I'm not too keen on that. I kind of feel like I just want to get off the parnate and start fresh with something totally new. It's true, Tuesday's really not far, but in some ways I just don't want to wait. Especially last night I felt really desperate like I really needed to see him ASAP. But I don't feel like that so much today.
I worry about the weekend, too, as you probably know because I post about it like every weekend! Yeah, the "bring your focus to yourself" bit is sometimes a lot harder than it sounds. The whole "take time for yourself, do what YOU want to do" and all of that. What I want to do is - nothing. There is nothing that I want to do. But I don't want to do nothing. The big fat irony of my depression. And it's even harder to get myself to do stuff when I'm by myself. I just can't get enough motivation, and I just sit there and think "oh forget it, it probably isn't even worth it anyway." Sometimes I try to do these things that are nice for myself, like I took a bath about a month ago because it's one of those things you always hear about being such a treat to yourself. Well, I found it to be incredibly boring. I was just laying there in the tub, like "well this sucks". At least it killed some time, though.
I don't have ANY plans for this upcoming weekend either. At least for the past few weekends I've had at least a little something planned. I don't know what I'll do. This is really sad, but I think that I might actually drive about 30 minutes to this place where I know there is a Taco Bell and right next to it a Dairy Queen, and get a 7-layer burrito and then ice cream. For some reason, there aren't many of either of those places around here. And doing something like that is about all I can handle. I'd like to do more interesting things, go to cool places (especially because I am new to this state and I've been meaning to see the stuff here), but it's just too much for me.
Unpacking is hard. (so is packing for that matter). I always take a long time to unpack and settle in. I've lived at my place now since January, and still there is some disorder with where certain things should go, etc. I have this candle fixture that I've been meaning to hang on the wall for months, but still haven't done it. It's not even because I don't want to be there exactly. I don't know what it is.
I thought the thing you said a while ago about eating with the same plastic fork was funny. I can totally see myself doing that! But maybe if you just unpack a little bit at a time... You know, just like one bag/box per day or something. You know, set little goals.
Have you tried to talk to your new neighbors at all? At least maybe they could be someone to chat with now and then, if not the best friends ever!
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:16:40
In reply to re: Karmatic Television...meditate on it...:) (nm), posted by lostsailor on August 13, 2003, at 19:46:13
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:34:38
In reply to Re: Oh, I've missed Everything ;(, posted by kara lynne on August 13, 2003, at 12:29:14
> What are your roommates like? When did you move in with them?
>
> Roommates can be so difficult, but on the other hand you have built in company when you're getting along.Yeah, things didn't end so well with my last roomates, especially of course the one who is still in the area. I really don't know what happened with them, because I had felt for several months that everything was going so well. Sometimes in the past, well, once actually, it was really great to have roomates because we were all friends and it was fun and good. I'd really like to have roomates like that again, or at least roomates who I really enjoy. The hardest part for me seems to be the feeling comfortable aspect, which is odd because even though I am kinda shy with people especially at first, usually I can end up feeling pretty comfortable after a while, with enough exposure.
But, my new roomates are one guy and one girl. The guy is about to start his master's degree in comparative lit. The girl works on campus like me (also in research - hers sounds really interesting to me actually). He just moved down here and isn't familiar with the area, but does have a few friends here. The girl has been here for a few years and seems to have plenty of friends and possibly a boyfriend (she hasn't really come out and said that he's her boyfriend, but he calls a lot, and it just seems like he must be). Anyways, they both seem very nice and cool (although, I find myself thinking that maybe they are "too cool" and will think I'm a loser or something, especially because I have no life and I feel like a very boring person sometimes).
It's been a couple of weeks. We have a whole year, at least! I try not to, but I do always find myself wishing that they won't be around and wantting to retreat into my room - so ironic, since I'm so lonely. But it is so much easier to just be alone than to have to put forth the effort of trying to get to know someone. Just the awkwardness. I'm really hoping that will eventually dissipate, because it can be really great to have people right there to chat with and laugh with and stuff.
Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 14:37:36
In reply to Re: Anyone here today? » kara lynne, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:16:22
-What I want to do is - nothing.-
Oh God that bath story made me laugh, yesac. I feel the same way! We had a really nice jacuzzi tub (when I lived with my ex) and I hardly ever used it. And when I did use it I liked it for about 3 minutes and then I was bored. Of course now I'd love to have that tub...
I discovered I've made the connection that if I'm nice to the neighbors they're going to think it's fine to be really noisy and smoke all the time. Now that I've put it together I can re-think that logic. I haven't been not nice; in fact I've never actually met them. But I think I've been avoiding meeting them. If the walls weren't paper thin I wouldn't care so much.
Parnate gave me such headaches, but I didn't give it as solid of a try as you have. Good for you for sticking it out this long.
What state are you from?
Leaving for work--I'll check back in a few hours.
Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 14:42:33
In reply to re: Anyone here today? » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:12:44
Ok, I'm gonna try and settle in. I don't mean to sound like I'm better than anyone here-- in fact I think I feel bad because I've deduced that this is my plight in life.
Well, if you can't beat 'em (literally, if I can't beat them)...
You're funny jimi. Keep telling me...all the time! It's working, I haven't called so far!
Do you play guitar with your left hand?
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:56:36
In reply to re: Anyone here today?, posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:01:56
Oh! It seems to rain here practically every single day. When you look at the forecast, for about the past 3 weeks and all through this weekend and next week, it says isolated T-storms, chance of T-storms, scattered showers, rainy, chance of rain... Crazy! There usually is some sun though during most of the day (when i'm inside at work). Last week, I made the ridiculously stupid move of leaving my car windows open (because my AC is broken!) while I went into a store. The weather was sunny and fine. But I was in there longer than expected and I came out and it was absolutely POURING. My seats had puddles on them! I was so annoyed with myself. I was afraid that my car would reek after that but it didn't actually. Well, I learned MY lesson, that's for sure!
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 15:05:28
In reply to re: Anyone here today? » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 14:12:44
> you and our sweet yesac and y'all's weekend evasions ... ... what can we do to help you guys have fun in general and have fun on the weekend?
Ahhh... Fun... what a wonderful illusion. Well, an illusion to me anyway. An enigma really. I'd settle for Enjoy, never mind Fun!
It seems like it must be so easy with a loving family right there to spend all your moments with. Sylvia and Robert Santiago. I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like I am from what I hear!
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 15:25:49
In reply to Re: Anyone here today? yesac, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 14:37:36
Does the smoke get into your apartment too? Oh I would hate that!! Thank goodness I've never had to live with smokers. So are you saying that you are avoiding meeting them BECAUSE of what you hear through the paper-thin walls? Or just that you wouldn't care about meeting them if the walls weren't paper thin? I'm sure it's not like this, but I have this image in my mind of in the movie Big, when he checks into that ghetto hotel and can hear the people next to him screaming at each other all night.
My neighbors are a little odd. I live in a duplex, so they share a wall with us. The only time I met them actually, was when I locked myself out of my house. It was awful, because here I was like introducing myself and having to say that I locked myself out and needed their phone, did they know the landlord's number... And THEN to top it off, could they drive me to my landlord's house to get an extra key (because of course, my own car keys were locked inside my house)? They were nice about it and did drive me, but I felt so ridiculous the whole time! The dude wasn't very conversational either. Other than that, I say hi to them now and then but that's about it.
I haven't had any side effect problems with parnate except a WICKED DRY MOUTH and lightheadedness. So it hasn't been too hard to stick with actually. I'd like to be able to eat cheddar cheese again though.
I live in NC. I grew up in NH from the time I was 6 (before that Vermont), then went to college in MA. So I'm pretty much a New England girl in the South. I moved here all by myself last October!
Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 16:24:18
In reply to re: Anyone here today? jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 14:42:33
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 16:39:58
In reply to re: Anyone here today? jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 14:42:33
hey kara kara,
> Ok, I'm gonna try and settle in. I don't mean to sound like I'm better than anyone here-- in fact I think I feel bad because I've deduced that this is my plight in life.
>well, i was going to try to defend the trailer park folk .... .... but there's only so much one can do ... ... Heh!
> Well, if you can't beat 'em (literally, if I can't beat them)...
>AHG! ... you can't BEAT them!! ... HA!
> You're funny jimi. Keep telling me...all the time! It's working, I haven't called so far!
>No, Ex-o!
No, Ex-o!
No, Ex-o!Don't "Just say" NO! ....
... ... Say, *** ***, ** ***, **, *******, NO!!!i kid you sweetie ... keep up the No Call Policy!
Thank you!
~ jim
> Do you play guitar with your left hand?i wish ...
... ... i can hear "manic depresion is capturing my soul
.... ... i know what i want, but i
... just don't knowwww ...."i haven't any of my right-handed guitar in a loooooooong time ...
xxx,
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 16:47:24
In reply to thunder and lightening » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:56:36
well, i Think i put the windows up in my un-air conditioned neon ... i hope!
> Oh! It seems to rain here practically every single day. When you look at the forecast, for about the past 3 weeks and all through this weekend and next week, it says isolated T-storms, chance of T-storms, scattered showers, rainy, chance of rain... Crazy! There usually is some sun though during most of the day (when i'm inside at work). Last week, I made the ridiculously stupid move of leaving my car windows open (because my AC is broken!) while I went into a store. The weather was sunny and fine. But I was in there longer than expected and I came out and it was absolutely POURING. My seats had puddles on them! I was so annoyed with myself. I was afraid that my car would reek after that but it didn't actually. Well, I learned MY lesson, that's for sure!
looks like another week of wet here too
... ... we needed the rain, but we're fixing to get flooding if it keeps up at his rate ...... hey looky there ... ... the whole northeast is in a blackout ... !
keep dry and thank your little yesac car for not stinking!
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 16:57:05
In reply to weekend fun, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 15:05:28
hi yesac,
> > you and our sweet yesac and y'all's weekend evasions ... ... what can we do to help you guys have fun in general and have fun on the weekend?
>
> Ahhh... Fun... what a wonderful illusion. Well, an illusion to me anyway. An enigma really. I'd settle for Enjoy, never mind Fun!
>okay, let me ask the clueless question here ...
... what would be fun for you to do?
... can fun happen under imaginary circumstances?
... how about go to a comedy club for laughs?
.... or a movie?
... or rent a video?
... if i was there, what would i have to do to make you laugh?
... to entertain you?> It seems like it must be so easy with a loving family right there to spend all your moments with. Sylvia and Robert Santiago. I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like I am from what I hear!
>you are correct ... ... i have it easy ... easier ... ... there can be stress from having demands and responsibilities, but it all pays off in the immeasurable comfort of having them and the support they provide me ... ...
... ... i am spoiled and i am grateful for my supporters on our home front ... ...
... ... it is a ... luxury ... and i am blessed ... ...
... .. ...
~ jimbo
Posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 17:06:02
In reply to Going home... back tomorrow (nm), posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 16:24:18
hi Yesac!
Good morning! Welcome back!!
Hope you got a gooood night's sleep!
... and we hope your NC twarnt caught up in that big northeast power outage there!!Glad to be the earliest to greet you this morning!
(it is still 5 PM-ish here this afternoon.... Heehee!)kisses and good vibes!
~ jim
Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 17:59:51
In reply to Be nice to the Neighbors!! » kara lynne, posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 15:25:49
Yes, they sit outside and smoke and it comes right through my windows and sticks to all the furniture and my clothes. One woman was originally living there who was supposed to be living alone, and then she moved in her bum boyfriend and his bum 18 year old, very loud son. From what I understand the landlord wasn't too happy about it. The son is actually the worst so far in terms of noise. He sits on the phone outside (smoking of course) and bellows to his friends every morning for hours.
But maybe it's a good idea to be nice in case I have to have one of them drive me to the landlord's house... ; )
You are one brave woman to move there all by yourself.
Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 18:20:05
In reply to re: Anyone here today? jimi » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 14, 2003, at 16:39:58
-i haven't any of my right-handed guitar in a loooooooong time ...-
Me neither.
Music sweet music.....
Manic depression's a FRUSTRATING MESS!!
Posted by fallsfall on August 14, 2003, at 21:51:59
In reply to Smoke gets in your eyes..., posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 17:59:51
Posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 22:24:55
In reply to Re: Kara, Don't call him! (nm), posted by fallsfall on August 14, 2003, at 21:51:59
Were you reading my mind? I *just* started thinking about him, wondering...
Posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 1:21:40
In reply to re: Anyone here today? jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 18:20:05
> -i haven't any of my right-handed guitar in a loooooooong time ...-
>
> Me neither.
>
> Music sweet music.....
> Manic depression's a FRUSTRATING MESS!!
... ... "Woman so weary, the sweet cause in vain
... ... "You make love, you break love
... ... "It's all the same
... ... "When it's, when it's over, mama... ... "Music, sweet music
... ... "I wish I could caress, caress, ... caress... ... "Manic depression is a Frustrating MESSSS!"
ah, such sweet memories for me ... ... my hero
... ... his music plays itself in my head ...
... ... i got to see the Experience play houston about 1969
.... .... saint jimi:
... ... all he was, is still .... ....thank you, kara lynne ... ...
~ jim aka "jimi"... ... "Well, I think I'll go turn myself off,
... ... "And go on down
... ... "All the way down
... ... "Really ain't no use in me hanging around
... ... "In your kinda scene"... ... "Music, sweet music
... ... "I wish I could caress, caress, caress
... ... "Manic depression is a frustrating MESS!"... ... "Ow! ow!
... ... "Music sweet music sweet music
... ... "Sweet music sweet music
... ... "Hooo!"
... ...
...
Posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 1:34:34
In reply to (((fallsfalll))), posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 22:24:55
> Were you reading my mind? I *just* started thinking about him, wondering...
and i thank our fallsfalll, very much .... .... !
DO NOT CALL HIM!!(This has been a Public Service Announcemment.
Brought to YOU by ....
EveryOne who loves you!!!)
..
..
..
..
Do
Not
Call
him!!!!!!
Posted by kara lynne on August 15, 2003, at 2:35:50
In reply to re: anyone heard Jimi today? » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 1:21:40
... i got to see the Experience play houston about 1969That's got to be the Experience of a lifetime...
I can hear him through your writing, lil jimi-- now I've got to hear that song!
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