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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 7:56:27
I showed my husband the NAMI site, but I'd like to give him more options for places to go b*tch about me. Heavens only knows it's hard to live with me. He deserves someplace to give him support.
I also gave him info on a local support site, but I doubt he'd show up in person. How do you like that. There isn't a single support group for depression in this area, but there is a support group for the families of people with depression.
I asked him last night if my being who I am hurts my son and him. He said he didn't think my son was old enough to be hurt by it yet, and in any case we were better off with than without me. I went back to bed, but I really do think he needs someone to talk to.
Posted by lostsailor on August 8, 2003, at 9:21:48
In reply to Anyone know of a support site for spouses?, posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 7:56:27
Dinah--
Does he want to bit*h about you or is that your saying...lol
I don't know of much on the net, but will look a bit today.
In real life, though, if you contact the local NAMI chapter or the United Way, they can help him find out about "support" and "educational" groups.
((d))
~t
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 9:48:14
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses?, posted by lostsailor on August 8, 2003, at 9:21:48
The "b*tch" was my word. But there's no denying that he has a lot to put up with. I'd like to see him be able to discharge some of that.
He won't see a therapist. And the one time he did, he lied. Said he didn't want the therapist to think there was anything seriously wrong. :)
I don't think he'd attend a real life meeting. The stigma of mental illness may be coming down around the world, but not in my family.
Poor guy. I think he feels like the weight of the world is on him. He married a helpmate, not this wreck of a woman.
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 8, 2003, at 10:57:02
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses? » lostsailor, posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 9:48:14
I know you're not BPD (borderline, not bipolar!) but there might be some links here that can lead him to some support..
Or I do know there are TONS of Yahoo groups for people with spouses who are depressed etc..
Nikki xx
Posted by fallsfall on August 8, 2003, at 13:03:22
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses? » lostsailor, posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 9:48:14
Dinah,
I may be totally out of line here, and if I am please say so.
Does your husband want support? Or do you want him to have support (i.e. to make you feel less guilty?)?
You are in a mood of "I am a burden on the world". But your husband said that he and your son were happy to have you there. I'm happy to have you here. If the problem is that you feel like a burden, the solution is for you to figure out how to feel less like a burden - to have your view of yourself match the world's better. The solution is not for your husband to agree that you are a burden.
If I'm wrong, just tell me so.
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 15:09:19
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses? » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on August 8, 2003, at 13:03:22
Chuckle. I think I didn't convey exactly what he said. What he said was yes, I was a burden, yes I made his life more difficult, and yes I hurt him (by sleeping all the time, by being unhappy, by getting upset so often, by closet rocking, by my now occasional self injury, by my inability to adequately fulfil my household duties). And that yes, when my son was older, my behavior would hurt him as well. But that by the Ann Landers test, for all the negatives I bring, I still balance off that they're better off with me than without me. In other words, he doesn't want me to kill myself or run away from home.
So yes, he does admit to seeing me as a burden.
As to support, maybe he wants it, more likely he's ashamed to get it. But I know I've found that having a place where people understood what I've experienced (here, actually) was helpful to me in a lot of ways. I'd like him to be able to avail himself of such a place for him. I don't know that he will, but he certainly didn't reject the notion and, in fact, made a note of the NAMI site. Maybe I do want to make myself feel less guilty though.
And you're always free to tell me anything, Fallsfall. You've proved your friendship over and over and I trust you not to hurt me. Once I trust someone, it takes a lot to shake that trust. You'd have to hit me over the head with a two by four or something. :)
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 15:10:29
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses? » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on August 8, 2003, at 10:57:02
I'll give him that address, too, Nikki. Thanks. There's enough borderline in me for it to be useful to him.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2003, at 4:18:55
In reply to Anyone know of a support site for spouses?, posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 7:56:27
Hmm, would it be too weird to have a separate board for them here?
Bob
Posted by slinky on August 9, 2003, at 5:48:02
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2003, at 4:18:55
> Hmm, would it be too weird to have a separate board for them here?
>
Bob darling...If some the spouses were the spouses of the depressed members here then they would see what was being said about them...and vise versa.
Am I making sense?
Just my two pence.
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2003, at 8:38:35
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2003, at 4:18:55
My husband knows of this site, and my participation here. He knows my name here. And he's promised not to peek. I trust that promise.
But I think it would still be too weird, and too much of a temptation, for him to be posting on the same site, even if it were on a different board.
Sorry, not a great idea I think, unless it were for spouses of non-posters.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2003, at 10:08:58
In reply to Re: Anyone know of a support site for spouses? » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2003, at 8:38:35
> Sorry, not a great idea I think
That's what I was wondering...
> unless it were for spouses of non-posters.
Hmm, well, then, how about that? They'd ask their spouses if they were posters?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2003, at 13:40:28
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2003, at 10:08:58
My husband and I actually discussed this. We see two serious problems. First, we'd meet on admin, and second, that although we might each agree not to peek, we might receive second hand reports.
If it's something you're really interested in, maybe it could be a separate site rather than a separate board.
Posted by susan C on August 10, 2003, at 21:23:19
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters? » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2003, at 13:40:28
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 12, 2003, at 1:29:05
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters? » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2003, at 13:40:28
> My husband and I actually discussed this. We see two serious problems. First, we'd meet on admin, and second, that although we might each agree not to peek, we might receive second hand reports.
That's *non-posters*, so he wouldn't be eligible here...
Bob
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2003, at 1:55:59
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of *non-posters*?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 12, 2003, at 1:29:05
Posted by zenhussy on August 13, 2003, at 12:39:05
In reply to I agree, a separate site for spouses and family (nm) » Dinah, posted by susan C on August 10, 2003, at 21:23:19
Posted by Willow on August 14, 2003, at 11:38:07
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2003, at 10:08:58
Posted by janiceg on August 17, 2003, at 16:22:59
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters?, posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2003, at 10:08:58
I have been reading the goings-on here for the past year, and this is my first time posting. I am the spouse of a depressed non-poster. Hmm...that's quite a distinction! Hello, my name is Janice and I am the spouse of a depressed non-poster....Hi Janice...anyway, I came here because of my desperate need to be proactive and helpful. It seems to me that the people who will get the most out of this board are the people who take the initiative to be here. My husband has never read any posting here unless I've printed it out and taped it to his pillow. Some people are just that way...they only want to deal with their own stuff..One thing that I've learned through all this is that we can't force people to be the way we'd like them to be...more like US. I would love it if my husband were more research oriented regarding his depression but he's not...and I am. Spouses feel the effects of depression very strongly and if they are motivated to do so, they will easily find resources on the internet.
Janice
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 16:32:29
In reply to Re: support site for spouses of non-posters?, posted by janiceg on August 17, 2003, at 16:22:59
Hi Janice! (smile)
Have you found much support on the internet? Would you find a board here at Psycho-Babble for support useful? I know that spouses and families often ask meds related questions on the medication board, and probably are horrified out of their wits by talk of transference on Psychological Babble. But would it help to have a place like Psycho-Social Babble where spouses and families could find support and people who've shared common experiences?
My husband gets really interested in the idea at times, but at other times seems to be concerned about the stigma. Even on an anonymous internet board. I know he doesn't confide in friends or family.
This is the end of the thread.
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