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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 2:06:29
How long can one stay 'stoic'?
How long can one go without feeling because they have to?
How long does it take to make a coping mechanism for the time being into a coping mechanism for life?
Why am I so damn sad (um, best friend's father died, hs chum hit by car other day and has massive head injury)? Sure those things are things to grieve but when one never learned how to grieve how does one begin?
Is the insomnia after about three solid days and nights of sleep a rebound? Is this what happens when you don't let tears out?
Is this the kind of post that gets posted late at night when one wants to go to bed so badly but is just frozen with inability to do anything but feel the heaviness in my chest and the pain in my heart for these people.
It's almost August...I guess my me time is coming soon.
zh
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 31, 2003, at 11:13:15
In reply to so very down I've forgotten about up, posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 2:06:29
{{{{{{Zenhussy}}}}}}}
Have you forgotten how to cry? I have. Oh, I'm improving. Angry or hurt tears can squeeze out of my eyes, almost with me unaware of it. But those gut-wrenching sobs, when you give up CONTROL of your emotions and just feel... I can't do it. It's like I locked the door and threw away the key.
My husband ran over my cat, my special cat. The one abandoned by its mom and I had to hand feed. So scrawny & fearless with tiny legs/paws smaller than my pinky finger. She would stand by my feet, barely taller than my shoes, and meow at me to pick her up. Demanding. Imperial. Adoring. Full grown, she was half the size of a normal cat. My mini-meow. ANYWAYS, when he ran over her I felt nothing. My heart was frozen. I was also numb from side effects from Effexor.
I should have been hurt. I should have grieved for her. I was too successful in protecting my heart years ago. I don't know how to undo the damage that I did back then.
so... probably the answer is forever, until you die, you can remain stoic. Unless you aggressively seek another way. If you find it, let me know.
Wish you luck,
KDi in Texas> How long can one stay 'stoic'?
>
> How long can one go without feeling because they have to?
>
> How long does it take to make a coping mechanism for the time being into a coping mechanism for life?
>
> Why am I so damn sad (um, best friend's father died, hs chum hit by car other day and has massive head injury)? Sure those things are things to grieve but when one never learned how to grieve how does one begin?
>
> Is the insomnia after about three solid days and nights of sleep a rebound? Is this what happens when you don't let tears out?
>
> Is this the kind of post that gets posted late at night when one wants to go to bed so badly but is just frozen with inability to do anything but feel the heaviness in my chest and the pain in my heart for these people.
>
> It's almost August...I guess my me time is coming soon.
>
> zh
Posted by paxvox on July 31, 2003, at 18:33:11
In reply to so very down I've forgotten about up, posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 2:06:29
In August and everything after I stumbled into Washington Square just as the sun was setting.
I walked across the lawn to the cathedral and lay down in the shadow of St. Andrew. Im just one of the late children waiting for a friend.
But there ain't no sign of this in San Francisco.
It's just me, and I'm playing in this rock and roll thing. She wants to be just like me, I want every damn thing that I see. One day you're Daddy's angel, the next day you're nothing he wanted you to be. They dun you up in white satin, and they gave you your very own pair of wings.
In August and everything after, I'm after everything. A. Duritz 1993.
PAX
Posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 22:08:07
In reply to Re: so very down I've forgotten about up, posted by paxvox on July 31, 2003, at 18:33:11
Posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 22:15:33
In reply to Re: so very down I've forgotten about up » zenhussy, posted by KimberlyDi on July 31, 2003, at 11:13:15
Thanks for the hug KimberlyDi,
I received some feedback from a therapy group I go to and tonight they all said yes I was holding back and wasn't fully in my body/emotions.
I guess it does show.
I don't think it is the meds dulling right now but rather the overwhelm of what I've been going through with health since last Oct. and family stuff since May.
I know that taking one step and one breath at a time and not worrying why I'm not crying enough or my emotions aren't in sync with the rest of the world is the most generous way I can be with myself at this time.
Thanks again for such kindness. It was a rough night last night.
At least acu has me primed for bed tonight. Oh sweet sleep please descend upon me with softness and restful slumber.
I am so sorry about your cat. It can be both the coping mechanism set up so many years ago that walled off the heart and the meds.
I'm working on undoing the wall around the heart and the instant protection that goes up whenever I feel threatened. As soon as I stumble across the weak spot in that wall you'll be the first to know.
Take care.
zenhussy
> {{{{{{Zenhussy}}}}}}}
>
> Have you forgotten how to cry? I have. Oh, I'm improving. Angry or hurt tears can squeeze out of my eyes, almost with me unaware of it. But those gut-wrenching sobs, when you give up CONTROL of your emotions and just feel... I can't do it. It's like I locked the door and threw away the key.
>
> My husband ran over my cat, my special cat. The one abandoned by its mom and I had to hand feed. So scrawny & fearless with tiny legs/paws smaller than my pinky finger. She would stand by my feet, barely taller than my shoes, and meow at me to pick her up. Demanding. Imperial. Adoring. Full grown, she was half the size of a normal cat. My mini-meow. ANYWAYS, when he ran over her I felt nothing. My heart was frozen. I was also numb from side effects from Effexor.
>
> I should have been hurt. I should have grieved for her. I was too successful in protecting my heart years ago. I don't know how to undo the damage that I did back then.
>
> so... probably the answer is forever, until you die, you can remain stoic. Unless you aggressively seek another way. If you find it, let me know.
>
> Wish you luck,
> KDi in Texas
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