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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2003, at 23:20:09
Ugh, I've just got one of those big emotional knots that feels like I need to scream, or self-obliterate, or curl up in a ball on the floor, or SOMETHING.
I'm trying to negotiate the leave of absence at my job, I'm suspecting they're going to say no and I'll have to resign (so what?) and meanwhile the thing I suspected all along happened, my boss's boss kept telling me a certain task was mine, but I knew my boss wanted to give it to my underling, now it's publicly announced that my underling has it, which is no real surprise, since my boss has been acting like he has the task for a while. I don't think that my telling them I want to leave had anything to do with it, it just made it easier on everyone (exept me). My resentment of my underling is peaked again. I've fixed his mistakes so much, and he doesn't give me credit, and he presents my ideas as his, and he presents his mistakes as 'ours', and he's harshly criticial of everything I do, and meanwhile my boss inflates this by going direct to him and leaving me out, though this guy is supposed to be my 'helper'.
This has been a dynamic there for a while, my boss's boss wants me to have leadership responsibilities, but my boss undermines me and clearly does not want me to have that important a role, and has stuck me with tasks I've told her I don't want to do, while assigning other tasks to members of my group, which should be my decision in the first place, if I'm supposed to have this leadership position that my boss's boss keeps insisting I have.
I can't go cut her down to her boss, I know that's fatal. She just doesn't like my work style, I'm older and more experienced than her, and she wants to have younger folks who need more guidance rather than more experience and skills, so she can shine as the group lead.
So much anger from struggling with this same dynamic for over a year.
I hope they deny my leave so I can just quit.
Meanwhile, there's an 8 am meeting associated with this hated task that was forced on me. I'm supposed to wake up and call in from home. Then there's a 9 am meeting which will be the first time my underling will be officially in his new role. Chances are I'll sleep thru both anyway, but I feel nervous about missing them while I'm trying to negotiate this friendly leave of absence thing.
I talked with the HR person today, and I'm presenting this totally non-angry non-resentful picture of how I just want a personal sabbatical, nothing against the company, my tasks are fine, everything is fine, etc, etc. I just know there's no good to come from complaining openly. My boss's boss wanted to meet with me about it, but my boss was also present, so no complaints, though she's been assigning tasks away from me for weeks. The only thing I did was pointedly NOT recommend my underling to take over my position, I suggested they needed to bring in someone more experienced than him.
I just want to escape on good terms, without opening up the conflict, since there's no way to win. I can't keep this up much longer.
Maybe it's just a mistake to try to be kind about leaving.
They said they'd let me know by Friday.
I hate the anxiety about missing early morning meetings. I don't want to switch into feeling like I'm being shoved out, or leaving because I've failed, instead of leaving voluntarily. Yup, my self-concept can be that fragile, I can feel 'dumped' even when I do the leaving.
I'm having certain urges to call up my ex boyfriend even, just to get support thru this transition. Probably a mistake.
Posted by judy1 on July 23, 2003, at 23:43:39
In reply to Distress, posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2003, at 23:20:09
I'm REALLY glad you plan on taking a sabbatical because I get a strong sense of this job destroying you emotionally. It's sad (and we've all been there) when we let a job define who we are when in fact we're so much more than that. It also sounds like you're in the midst of office politics and that can be incredibly draining. It sounds like you've already made your decision to leave (and it is your decision) so don't let these minor things (minor in the grand scheme of life) affect you so much- just go and do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself. More sessions with your therapist? a vacation? a different workplace or even different field? I truly hope it goes well for you tomorrow. take care, judy
Posted by Sabina on July 23, 2003, at 23:45:46
In reply to Distress, posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2003, at 23:20:09
i'm so sorry for your distress. i've tried it, and i know that i'm not cut out for corporate structure. it all sounds so familiar: people putting your ideas across as their own, being usurped and sidestepped. worst of all is the agony of 8am target practice (also known as a meeting) and your heinie is the only thing in the room with red circles painted on it. yikes! just a thought, though: i know i'm stating the obvious, but these are two meetings you might want to push yourself really hard to make. that way your absence wouldn't send up any red flags, should it get back to the HR person who's good opinion you really need this week to get the time off that you need. then again, you did say, I hope they deny my leave so I can just quit. maybe that would be best for you. i hope it works out for the good of everyone. do let us know?
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2003, at 10:07:30
In reply to Distress, posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2003, at 23:20:09
No wonder you want to get out!!! Take comfort in the fact that it's less than two weeks now.
You know, I find that the universe is self correcting. If your underling has been taking credit for your work, and letting you cover for him, it will very shortly be found out. :))
The sort of environment you're in sounds so stressful. I hope your life takes you in a new and better direction from here.
Posted by Tabitha on July 24, 2003, at 11:53:38
In reply to Re: Distress » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2003, at 10:07:30
I phoned into the 9 am meeting, it was no big thing, just re-iterating responsibilities that I've already been doing. Skipped the 8am one like I've done for the past 2, I've told them they can contact me directly if they need assistance. That one is related to supervising workers in India who work for about 1/3 the going U.S. rate. How motivating to be involved.
Corporate culture sucks, politics sucks. It can ruin what would otherwise be a good job. There have been several people fighting for control of my product for a while. Every time there's a new customer for a new flavor of it, they assign a new boss for that project, and claim the division between my role and theirs is clear, but it never is.
Some products have been cancelled, leaving a whole group without much to do, so two groups are supposed to merge, which means everyone will be fighting for scraps of what's left, but there's been no clear re-organization, so every time a new project starts, I swear half the effort is spent with folks jockeying for position, fighting for dominance.
It's never clear who really gets to make decisions. So much effort goes into just jockeying over who gets to make decisions. I never understand when it's done why certain people get to make decisions and others don't. Sometimes I think, OK, so-and-so is the one who makes decisions in that area, but it's never clear. Then I think it's just force of personality, whoever makes decisions gets to, but I've tried that, just dug in my heels and said I'm going to do it this way, sometimes that works and sometimes people who don't like the decision then just work around me somehow to get what they want. It's maddening.
I can't wait to escape. But... eventually I'll probably have to go back to the same or something similar. I can't find an alternative. Yet.
Posted by Greg on July 24, 2003, at 13:51:52
In reply to Re: Distress, more venting, posted by Tabitha on July 24, 2003, at 11:53:38
Tab, this horrid job market can't, and won't, last much longer. We just have to tough it out. What comes around goes around and the people who treated us like garbage now had better remember it later.
It's all about kickin' ass and takin' names :)
Hope you're okay dear.
Greg
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