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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by syringachalet on July 21, 2003, at 11:03:05
For the longest time, I was doing pretty coping with the PTSD and depression.
I got a new boss and that all changed within one week. I have never had a male boss that I had to work so directly with before. This boss also was a 'touchy' kind of man..not like sexually or abusely but just touched you when he said something he felt deeply about.
Part of my PTSD and depression is that I cant handle being touched by anyone. Not doctors, dentists and only a few of my family members.My shrink has suggested that I apply for SSD because she has helped me with meds and suggestions as much she she says she can.
I have spend the better part of the past 20 years trying to help others and be strong for them.
I feel like I have given up so much of myself that at times I dont even know who I really am anymore. Mostly just really empty.I not trying to whine here. Just needed a soft place to land for a little while..
I will try to pull myself back up and go on as soon as I can.....
Posted by girl on July 21, 2003, at 13:38:21
In reply to I feel like I dont know who I am anymore..., posted by syringachalet on July 21, 2003, at 11:03:05
It happens. Not knowing who you are all of a sudden. One day you're fine and going about your business, the next day the world feels like its turned around. It's a cycle, really. We create barriers and excuses and whatnot just so we can cope. But when they come down, we're left wondering what's going to happen next. We're wondering who and what we are. Don't worry, it'll get better soon, I assure you. I'm constantly in that cycle of being a "somebody", helping others, busying myself with so many things etc. then I realize that outside of all this helpfulness and work, I have no idea who I am or what I'm really doing any of this for.
I don't have a problem about being touched, but I do have a problem with authority figures sometimes so I can relate to how this is affecting your job. Well, I think I can relate. It's not easy working with someone you're not comfortable with. It's also not easy explaining your situation to them. But it's worth a shot. Maybe your boss will be understanding about it. Feel him out and see if he will be able to understand what and how it is to be in your shoes.
I hope this helps. Even just a little bit.
Posted by tina on July 21, 2003, at 14:37:17
In reply to Re: I feel like I dont know who I am anymore..., posted by girl on July 21, 2003, at 13:38:21
I don't like to be touched either. For a good 20 years I couldn't stand it. I even had trouble letting my husband touch me at times. I'm slowly getting over that but it's alot of work. I have to really pay attention to the kind of touching that it is and talk to myself about it in my head.
I've always had no idea of who I am. I don't know who I want to be either. I agree that it's a cycle. Sometimes things become clear and then they get totally fuzzy. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost right now. I wish I could help.
hugs
tina
Posted by noa on July 21, 2003, at 17:12:07
In reply to I feel like I dont know who I am anymore..., posted by syringachalet on July 21, 2003, at 11:03:05
Syringechalet--hello. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
I don't think any boss should touch at all. It is rather a boundary violation. He may not realize it, but I think you wouldn't be alone in feeling uncomfortable with being touched.
It is also, I think, a power thing. Superiors feel the power to touch subordinates but not the other way around. Touching a subordinate is a way of demonstrating power, even if it is not conscious. It does not belong in the workplace!
I know this because I recently used touch to convey a patronizing attitude toward my boss when she was wigging out, all anxious, and micromanaging me in the most annoying, anxious way. I impulsively patted her arm and said, Don't worry, I'm on the case--in a very patronizing tone. I knew I was using the pat on the arm as a power play. She and I had been in power struggles for a while and it made me feel good to get the upper hand, so to speak, at least for a moment.
My touch move was clearly so out of place as a power play because as I said, touch really shouldn't be used in the workplace except when two colleagues have a close friendship and special circumstances call for touch as appropriate (comforting someone whose had a loss, etc.).
This is just my opinion, of course.
But I wanted you to know it isn't just you who would find the touching thing uncomfortable. I, for one, would find it intrusive.
This is the end of the thread.
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