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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 21:22:47
It's official. My husband said the words out loud for the first time tonight. "It's over, I want a divorce" I had held on to a small glimmer of hope until now. I feel like my life just ended. Dreams, hopes, wishes.....all gone. I don't know how to get through this.
Posted by fallsfall on July 16, 2003, at 22:26:15
In reply to He said it out loud finally, posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 21:22:47
Tina,
It is such a big change. It seems huge.
I got through it. One day at a time. Overall, it got easier over time. But I wouldn't say it was ever easy.
Know that you are the only one who can live your life. You will find a path that you will choose for your life. Gather your friends (and if you are luck, your family), and ask them to join you on the path.
((((Tina))))
Posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 22:59:31
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally » tina, posted by fallsfall on July 16, 2003, at 22:26:15
haven't got any friends fallsfall. wish I did. Family lives out of town.
I feel pretty damned alone right now.
I'll get through it. I just know it won't be easy.
thanks
t
Posted by kara lynne on July 17, 2003, at 1:25:40
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally » fallsfall, posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 22:59:31
Hi Tina,
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I can only think how devastating that was to hear.I know exactly what you mean about that damn glimmer of hope. Maybe you're better off without it--that's what I'm told anyway.
Wishing I could send some comfort in your direction. Kara
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2003, at 8:29:44
In reply to He said it out loud finally, posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 21:22:47
I'm sorry, Tina.
Posted by miller on July 17, 2003, at 8:41:37
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally » tina, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2003, at 8:29:44
Oh, Tina. My heart goes out to you. My husband just did the same thing to me a week or so ago. How is we spend our lives looking for someone to love us and when we need them the most, they are gone?
We are here for you when you need us. May your heart mend.
-Miller
Posted by Penny on July 17, 2003, at 8:47:42
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally » fallsfall, posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 22:59:31
> haven't got any friends fallsfall. wish I did. Family lives out of town.
> I feel pretty damned alone right now.
> I'll get through it. I just know it won't be easy.
> thanks
> t
Are you close to your family (emotionally, I mean)? If so, is there a way you could make a visit to someone who might be able to provide you with some more support during this time?Take care of yourself.
P
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 17, 2003, at 11:08:04
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally, posted by Penny on July 17, 2003, at 8:47:42
tina..
i am your friend...
we can turn this friendship into something more..
i'm sure i am not that far...
you need people for support...i am here..
whenever you need to get away ..my door is always open..
i will give you my adress and phone number if you have an email account?
let me know tina..
i will help you
love j
Posted by whiterabbit on July 17, 2003, at 14:25:15
In reply to sweet tina.., posted by justyourlaugh on July 17, 2003, at 11:08:04
Is it something in the water? Some kind of biochemical warfare "Divorce Virus"? Subliminal messages in the beer commercials?
Actually there's nothing subliminal about those beer commercials - go to the nearest bar, order our brand of beer, and you'll be surrounded by hot babes in no time - yes we're talking to YOU, Studly!
Tina, I am so sorry. I'm not really far ahead of you, my husband announced our upcoming divorce in March and I had the petition in my hand by June, and the only reason it took him THAT long was, he had a heart attack in May...too many gymnastics during his afternoon session with the girlfriend, no doubt.
So I got knocked down pretty hard with all this news at once:
1.) I don't love you.
2.) I love someone else.
3.) I don't care if you need medicine and have no insurance.
4.) I don't care if you're unemployed and broke for the first time in 25 years.
5.) I want our house for my New Life and I don't intend to support you any longer.Nice huh? He always was a real sweet guy...he actually went through my jewelry box and picked out the stuff he got me for Christmas.
Now, that's class.But I'll live through this and so will you, Tina, and so will Miller and so will Kara - we may look all soft and mushy right now but inside we're tough, inside all of us beats the heart of an Airborne Ranger. You know how I know?
Because anyone who can endure the depression and other horrors thrown at us time after time by our own traitorous minds, anyone who deals with that kind of pain ALL the time - anyone who keeps getting up again every time they're knocked down, they HAVE to be strong inside.
Alright, two books for you:
"Divorce Busting" - don't know the author but it shouldn't be hard to find. It's NOT about how to keep the house cleaner or how to be sexier for your man or any of that crap, it's actually intelligent reading...things you need to consider when divorce is looming, some things that you can do that maybe WILL help even if your husband has zero interest in working things out.IF divorce looks inevitable, you must go out right away and buy this book: "Fair Share Divorce For Women" by Kathleen Miller CFP, MBA.
Here's a sobering thought from the book:A WOMAN'S STANDARD OF LIVING DROPS 73 PERCENT DURING THE FIRST YEAR AFTER A DIVORCE AND THE AVERAGE MAN'S STANDARD OF LIVING IMPROVES 42 PERCENT THE SAME YEAR.
That's the awful truth, because the reality is this:
-Women view divorce as a highly traumatic and painfully emotional experience, and while they're simply trying to survive through the feelings of abandonment, rejection, and failure,
-Men view divorce as a business transaction and are primarily concerned with protecting "his" property and financial assetsSad but true cause that's the way we're made. In general. So, even if the guy breaks your heart, DON'T let him take you to the cleaners as well.
One last thing - get a therapist if you don't have one, or find a good one if yours is mediocre.
My therapist has really helped me with this - she gives me practical advice AND hope for the future.
She says I'm dealing with this divorce better than most women - most NORMAL & SANE women even.
Imagine that.Now if you'll excuse me, I have "pressing" business with my voodoo doll, I haven't run him over with the car yet. Maybe 3 times like that woman in Dallas...too bad I wasn't on HER jury, she would have walked. I would have seen to it.
-Gracie
Two old ladies layin in bed-
One rolls over to the other and says,
"I wanna be an Airborne Ranger
Live a life of guts and danger."
One mile - no sweat
Two miles - better yet...
Posted by noa on July 17, 2003, at 19:32:16
In reply to He said it out loud finally, posted by tina on July 16, 2003, at 21:22:47
((((Tina))))
In your alone-ness, please know people care about you.
Posted by tina on July 17, 2003, at 20:07:28
In reply to Re: He said it out loud finally » tina, posted by noa on July 17, 2003, at 19:32:16
I lied in bed last night just thinking about all the drugs I have in the house and really wanted to just get up and take them. I didn't though. I took one extra clona epam and fell asleep. I got up this morning and cried my way to work and at work and all the way home. My boss is very understanding though. She let me spend most of the day in the stockroom doing transfers so I didn't have to hide my tears in front of customers.
I'm not emotionally close to my family. They don't like emotions. It's like they think feelings are a sickness and they don't want to catch it so they run away or block them or tell me just to move on and get it over with. the last thing I want to hear right now is "get half" or "make sure your lawyer screws him good"
I don't have a therapist....I can't afford one. I can't afford meds but I'm accepting that pretty easily. I don't want to take meds right now. I want to be clear headed.
I just look around at everything in this house. Everything that we've accumulated together. all my dreams and hopes and plans.....up in smoke. The most annoying and frustrating thing is he can't give me a reason. He just says he's not happy and doesn't want to come home. He is being so infantile. I can't even explain what he's like right now. He wants a divorce but doesn't know why. He wants to get rid of me but he has no reasons.
I just dont get it at all. I don't want this, HE does but he is making no moves legally to actually divorce me. No petition, no lawyer, nothing. It's like he's just hoping I'll disappear or something. I'M the one who has had to move first because of the money situation. I feel like a gold digger but I don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting until he fixes his head. HE has a really good paycheck. I have always worked part time. He CAN soul search and procrastinate all he wants because he's financially secure. Now I look like the bad guy because I have to move this along. He has always done this. Always waiting, procrastinating, no matter who it hurts. I can't live like that. My job isn't secure. My life isn't secure. I feel like I'm walking on thin, cracking ice. Any minute I'm going to fall through and drown.GOd, what a whiner huh? Dammit. You guys asked and I just let it all pour out. There's a tonne more but I think this whine has gone on long enough. Thanks for listening.
love to all
tina
Posted by noa on July 17, 2003, at 21:18:47
In reply to thanks everybody....kinda long, posted by tina on July 17, 2003, at 20:07:28
before you do anything, though, maybe you should consult a lawyer? Some cities have women's centers that have support for women in such situations--legal advice, financial advice, emotional support, etc.
Posted by fallsfall on July 17, 2003, at 21:23:49
In reply to thanks everybody....kinda long, posted by tina on July 17, 2003, at 20:07:28
Tina,
You are not a gold digger. You are trying to responsibly take care of yourself. You are right, though, that you shouldn't have to do the bulk of the work.
It is unforgivable that he won't give you a reason. You deserve at least a reason.
You need some real people at this time. I'm sure there is a divorce support group near you. I really think that it would help you to meet some people who know what you are going through.
In the last 24 hours you survived through one more day! Good for you.
This is the end of the thread.
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